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What you are going through feels hard because it is hard. You are a human being, not a robot. So, I hope you are being kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
A theme I’ve noticed when you share your struggles with so much honesty is you often reference how much sleep you are (or aren’t) getting. That might imply there’s still an understandable goal to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — something that can only set you up for more struggle, since sleep is out of your control.
Progress isn’t reflected in the amount of sleep that happens from night to night. Progress is reflected in what you are learning and how you are responding to being awake when you’d rather be asleep and how you are responding to the presence of thoughts and feelings you’d rather not be present. Progress is reflected in how workable your actions are and whether they reflect your values and move you toward the life you want to live.
Something that might help with measuring progress based on actions you can control is this — if you imagine that I had a magic wand and could wave it right now so that sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern for you anymore, what would you be doing differently with your life? Not feeling or thinking differently, but doing differently? And, how might you take (or how are you taking) steps (no matter how small) toward those actions?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Powerful stuff here, thank you to all those who are contributing to the honest and supportive conversation that’s happening.
Something stood out in a couple of the more recent posts:
that makes it hard(er) to keep guilt and other emotions at bay–for me that is.
but when you’re sitting there alone and wondering what to do to “relax” and your brain wants to turn those relaxing things into sleep efforts, it’s so very hard.
These two statements imply attempts to control the mind. To fight or avoid certain thought and feelings (or make certain thoughts and feelings happen) — and that’s totally understandable!
And, if experience says the mind cannot be directly controlled, what’s the most likely outcome from those attempts?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The only way a sleep window “fails” is if you are using it in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — because you cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen through effort 🙂
A sleep window is nothing more than a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep — because the more you chase after it, the more elusive it becomes!
Something else to consider is that whenever we do something new, that requires more “brain power” and monitoring and evaluation in the short-term. It takes time to adjust to something new, to make it something more mundane and more routine.
As the expert on yourself, does going to bed at 11:30 PM (versus 8:00 PM) feel more aligned with your body and the life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The NOW exercise can be a helpful way to refocus attention. It involves acknowledgment and acceptance, bringing you back to the present moment, and acting in ways that matter — even when difficult or distracting thoughts and feelings are present.
The way you are blending the NOW and the AWAKE exercise together in a way that works for you is evidence of your superpowers of flexibility, autonomy, self-reflection and self-awareness.
Thanks for sharing your insights — insights that only revealed themselves thanks to your own commitment to action and ongoing practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It can feel scary to go for long periods with no sleep. And, it takes time and ongoing practice to develop mastery in acceptance.
I might even suggest that true mastery of acceptance is not an achievable goal, if mastery implies perfection. There is no master of acceptance. That person doesn’t exist. Acceptance is an ongoing practice.
We are always going to get pulled into a struggle with difficult stuff that shows up from time to time. What matters is noticing when that is happening and choosing to respond in a different way. A way that moves us away from struggle and toward the life we want to live, even when that stuff is present.
I can tell that you have a strong awareness of when your actions are intended to control sleep. You know that when you try to control sleep you are training your brain that wakefulness is a threat — and that can keep you trapped in a cycle of ongoing struggle.
With your awareness, you get to decide whether to continue with those actions, or not. You have the control. You have the power. What’s the most workable to respond during the night when sleep isn’t happening as you want it to? What’s the most workable way to respond to all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with being a human being?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are finding it helpful to take your time working through the course — and that can be helpful because racing to consume information doesn’t do a whole lot. Action and ongoing practice is what matters!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are moving in the direction you want to be heading, thanks to your commitment to action and ongoing practice.
You are giving your brain permission to do whatever it’s going to do as it goes about its job of looking out for you.
As you untangle yourself from trying to fight, avoid, or control what you think and feel you are noticing that thoughts and feelings that might have once been very distracting and powerful might show up less often and might stick around for less time.
You are focusing on what you can control. Action. And, as you do that, you are recognizing progress.
Thanks for sharing!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing all the insights you’ve gained on your journey so far — insights you’ve gained from your ongoing commitment to workable action.
As you’ve continued to relinquish attempts to control what cannot be controlled, you’ve freed up energy and attention to do more of what matters to you. To live the kind of life you want to live, independently of sleep.
You’ve also developed skill in separating yourself from your thoughts. Noticing and observing them rather than judging them, labeling them, or getting drawn into a battle with them.
As sleep consumes less of your attention and loses its power and influence over your life, it’s better able to take care of itself. Conditions for sleep become significantly better. Sleep has the opportunity to take care of itself. To become effortless.
This doesn’t mean sleep will be perfect every night — yet, when sleep no longer has any power or influence over you, it’s no longer something that creates a struggle or pulls you away from living the life you want to live.
Nights of less sleep are more like water off a duck’s back rather than the opening salvo of a battlefield bombardment.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are acknowledging the tough days, the difficult thoughts, and the difficult feelings and emotions. That’s the first step to helping you move away from getting pulled into a battle with them. A battle that gives them more power, more influence, and creates more difficulty.
Practicing the NOW exercise every 30 minutes is evidence that you are engaging in committed practice. And intervals of every 30 minutes might feel like a lot and that isn’t necessarily a lot! Sometimes, I need to practice the NOW exercise every few minutes (or even every few seconds) when I find myself getting really distracted by difficult thoughts and feelings.
Getting the practice in is what counts — there’s no need to attach (or even look for) any meaning when it comes to frequency of practice.
The more you practice refocusing, the better skilled you’ll become at refocusing. Refocusing requires some effort — and resisting and battling often requires more effort and more struggle and more battling (and more exhaustion).
I’ll be honest, Im not sure that I truly understand what it means to make “room” for difficult thoughts and feelings. If a difficult thought comes in my mind and my chest gets tight, how to actually “make room”. Is there some sort of visualization or something. How do make room for something you can see or touch?
Making room is about giving permission/allowing something to be present (even if you don’t want it to be). Acknowledging it. Opening up to it. Experiencing it with curiosity and kindness. Visualization can help here, if you are able to visualize.
At night, making space is to do with the Allow and Experience parts of the AWAKE exercise. Listening to the longer guided version of the AWAKE exercise might bring some additional clarity.
During the day, opening up is explored in a bit more detail at the 3 minutes 30 seconds mark of the video about the NOW exercise.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise! Although a bonus side-effect from that practice might be less anxiety every now and then, that’s not the goal or the intention — because you cannot directly control the feelings your brain generates. For as long as you try, you set yourself up for more struggle.
The goal of the AWAKE exercise is to help you practice building skill in experiencing being awake and experiencing the full range of human thoughts and feelings with less struggle. Being more of a kind and curious observer, rather than a bloodthirsty opponent.
Something else to consider is this — new skills take practice and practice takes time. So, what matters most — especially early on — is getting the practice in. Building that skill.
With all this being said, you are the expert on you. Only you know the best way forward for you. I am merely your guide 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You can’t get six-and-a-half hours sleep all the time because you cannot control sleep. For as long as you try to control sleep or make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, there’s only one possible outcome — more struggle and more difficulty.
It might be helpful to bear in mind that a sleep window isn’t intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. It’s simply a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep — because that only makes it more elusive.
What tools have you been practicing to help you build skill in moving away from trying to control what is out of your control so all that stuff can start to lose its power and influence over you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You cannot control sleep through effort — so, to answer your question, it’s impossible to say when you’ll experience a “regular” sleep pattern.
Sleep happens best when it’s effortless. When there’s no trying. No effort. No pressure to “perform”. No battling. No struggling.
All the ongoing attempts (past or present) are completely understandable! And they might contribute to why you feel wide awake when you go to bed. As your brain does its job of looking out for you, it’s trying to protect you from the upcoming battle.
Through your actions, how might you help train your brain that the bed isn’t a battleground that requires sounding the alarm bells and hitting “action stations”?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
My question is, to overcome insomnia, do I have to be happy and do I have to like it?
No!
Am I supposed to fake it to make it?
No!
I find it so hard to not think about sleep during the day time like I am obsessed over it. How do I manage not being sad?
You cannot “not think” about something — to check if you aren’t thinking about something, you have to think about it. Similarly, you cannot permanently delete certain feelings and emotions from your brain.
Acceptance is about accepting what is out of your control.
It’s about acknowledging your reality — everything you are thinking and feeling.
It’s about moving away from the struggle that comes from trying to fight or avoid what cannot be fought or avoided.
It’s about being kind to yourself when things are difficult.
It’s about committing to actions that reflect who you are and who you want to be, even in the presence of all this difficult stuff.
For as long as you try to fight or avoid or change something that you cannot control, what is the only possible outcome?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I hope things are OK with your son. As you said, that’s another example of something that’s out of your control.
As you shared, the nights can be very lonely. Some people find it helpful to remind themselves that, in the presence of the loneliness they feel, there are millions of people out there experiencing the same thing at that exact moment. It’s a shared experience.
As for strings of sleepless nights, they can happen during withdrawal, after withdrawal, before withdrawal, without any medication use, and at any time or place.
Trying to fight or avoid being awake is what makes being awake more likely and more difficult. Even then, sleep will always happen in the end — because every human being has the natural ability to sleep (just as every human being has the natural ability to breathe).
The practice of accepting being awake when you’d rather be asleep is easier said than done. It’s something that requires ongoing practice. And, it’s more of a practice, rather than a goal.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If the goal is to change anxiety or get rid of it, that might set you up for some struggle.
At night, there’s more opportunity to sit with anxiety as more of an observer without any time limit (and what would the alternative be, if you did implement a time limit?).
By day, you might be more likely to want to refocus your attention on where you are and what you are doing — and that can be done while anxiety is still present.
So, there’s still no need to put a time limit on sitting with anxiety. You might, for example, acknowledge the presence of anxiety, then deliberately bring your focus back to where you are and what you are doing.
And you will likely need to do that (especially early on) over and over again until you get better at refocusing!
We’ll be exploring this more in Week 3, too 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
