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It sure sounds as though your actions are increasingly aligned with the life you want to live rather than trying to protect or control sleep, what you think, and how you feel. That’s the path to insomnia independence!
It makes complete sense that you still think about sleep — that’s your brain doing its job and looking out for you (thanks, brain!). What matters is how you respond to those thoughts because your response will either pull you into an endless and exhausting struggle or help you build skill in experiencing them like water off a duck’s back!
Thanks for your kind words and I love how you ended your post. Everyone here is a winner because they’ve demonstrated that they are ready to commit to a new way forward. Change is hard and it takes time and nobody here is alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s nothing unusual going on here, @JasmineF — and it’s impossible to go backwards unless you permanently return to all the old, unworkable actions of the past that you know from experience don’t work and only pull you further away from the life you want to live.
You cannot control sleep — so when nights of less sleep happen, they are not your fault and they are not a reflection of your progress (and being hard on yourself in response rarely makes things feel any better).
What matters is how you respond when those difficult nights show up. You shared what you are not doing (being kind to yourself, accepting, refocusing on actions that matter) — and it’s never too late to make a change and recommit to doing what you want to be doing.
Change is hard. It comes with ups and downs. What matters is what you choose to do when things get difficult.
And so, with all this in mind, what are you going to do? It’s your choice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Would I be right in my understanding that you are trying (or have a strong desire) to make a certain amount/type of sleep happen and you are trying (or have a strong desire) to avoid tiredness?
If so, that’s all completely understandable! And, if your experience tells you that those things are out of your direct/permanent control, what’s the most workable way forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting the practice in, Kendra!
If you got some practice in with allowing difficult feelings to be present (rather than trying to fight or avoid them), the AWAKE exercise worked.
I would encourage you to be mindful that the AWAKE exercise isn’t supposed to make sleep happen or change your thoughts and feelings. If you practice with that intent, the exercise can become another effort to control what cannot be controlled — and that can set you up for some struggle and you’re unlikely to get a whole lot from the practice!
Sometimes, we might fall asleep after practicing the AWAKE exercise. Sometimes, we might feel better or difficult thoughts and feelings might temporarily disappear. Those are all bonus side-effects that can happen — and, if they do, by all means enjoy them!
However, those side-effects are not the intent. They’re not the goal. The goal is to practice building skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with that wakefulness with less struggle. Being more of a kind and curious observer, rather than an opponent.
Thanks again for sharing your experience! You are taking action and you are learning from your experience, too
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations for getting to the end of the course content — the journey now begins!
Information alone is useful, but it doesn’t do much without ongoing action. Getting the practice in, when things feel good and when things feel difficult.
There’s a key insight in your post, “I’m so anxious to get back to not having to think about sleep…”
For as long as you try not to think about something, you’re going to think about it! For as long as you try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings, they’re going to create more difficulty and struggle and gain more power and influence. I suspect your own experience tells you this, right?
Remember, you cannot control sleep — just as you cannot control what your mind chooses to do. So, please don’t forget to be kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
Remember, too, that you always get to choose how you respond to what’s happening — and your response is what matters! The actions you take matter. And they’re within your control.
As @fidgety-feet rightly pointed out, you’ve proved to yourself that you can experience good nights of sleep — and difficult nights (and difficult thoughts and feelings) are to be expected! They come with being a human being!
You’ve come a long way. Now, ongoing practice is what counts
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing @ldesau! I think there’s a real insight in these words:
“I started to experience sleep when I stopped trying to sleep… I got on with living my life regardless of sleep and then my body got the sleep it needed.”
It sounds as though you are on a workable path forward, and @fidgety-feet is right there with you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Pretty much all our actions come with pros and cons, right? We might be out with friends and choose to drink more than normal because we are having fun — knowing full well that the next day will be uncomfortable!
Similarly, deciding to stay in bed later in the day is something that comes with pros and cons. We might decide to stay in bed because it feels good — we were having a good dream, it’s the weekend, we are treating ourselves, etc. And this might mean we don’t get sleepy until later in the night the next day and there will be less time in the day to do other things.
What probably matters most here is whether our actions are consistently pulling us away from the life we want to live (there’s a difference between occasionally getting drunk and always getting drunk, right?!) or whether we are accepting some potential “cons” every now and then, in order to live the life we want to live.
Something else to be mindful of here is our intent. To go back to the example of drinking — are we regularly drinking in an attempt to delete anxiety or other difficult thoughts and feelings from our brains? If so, that might not be a workable action. And, are we regularly staying in bed later in an attempt to generate a certain amount or type of sleep? If so, that might not be a workable action.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Zoki! A few questions that might help us explore this a bit better:
1. What does “better sleep” mean to you?
2. If you aren’t struggling when you are awake, how is being awake a problem?
3. If you aren’t struggling with thoughts and feelings that might be present, how are they a problem?
4. If you aren’t trying to control sleep, how is your sleep at the current time a problem?
5. If I had a magic wand and could give you the exact amount and type of sleep you wanted, what would you be doing differently with your life?
6. Is there any possibility that your (understandable!) desire for/attachment to getting a certain amount or type of sleep might be making things more difficult?
@JackHawkins — Thanks for sharing your ongoing commitment (and focus on) workable action. That’s within your control and your actions help determine the level of power and influence sleep, thoughts, feelings (and how much difficulty they might create) have over your life.Remember, too, that it’s natural and normal (and OK!) to experience the full range of human thoughts and feelings — including frustration!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s natural and normal to feel anxious, especially as you get more tired (and perhaps put more pressure on yourself to sleep or more effort into trying to make sleep happen).
And, since the human brain is always active, sleep can still happen even when you feel tired and even when you feel anxious.
What tends to make sleep more difficult is when we try to make it happen. When we go to war with wakefulness and get tangled up in a battle with our thoughts and feelings.
Ongoing struggle often comes from our attempts to control what our experience tells us cannot be controlled.
How are you currently responding to feeling tired and feeling anxious, and how is that response working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s nothing unusual here, Woody — in fact, if you regularly dive into the forums I am sure you’ve seen posts that are quite similar to yours!
Ups and downs are normal. And, the only way you can go backwards is if you abandon what you’ve been practicing and return to actions and habits that you know from experience aren’t helpful and only make things more difficult. Even then, I am not sure you can go backwards because you are already equipped with more knowledge (and experience) compared to how things were in the past.
If you are trying to make yourself feel positive (or any other feeling for that matter) you are likely to get stuck — because human beings do not have such direct (and certainly not permanent!) control over their feelings.
The more we pursue certain feelings, the more we fight or avoid others, the more likely we are to struggle. It’s like trying to hold back a river with our bare hands!
Similarly, the more we try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the more we try to fight or avoid wakefulness, the more likely we are to struggle. It’s like trying to stop it from raining during a thunderstorm or trying to make the sun appear on an overcast day.
Where is all that effort going to get you?
So, what truly matters here is how you respond when things feel difficult. And, you always get to choose your response. How you respond is based on action — and you can always control your actions, no matter how difficult things feel. No matter how difficult things are.
With all this in mind, how are you responding when you are in bed and sleep isn’t happening? How are you responding on days after difficult nights?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Everyone is different, Matt! What matters is playing around and finding what feels most workable and helpful to you! Acknowledgement is often the most powerful step when it comes to not getting pulled into a battle with our minds
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s very early days @MBInsomnia25 — it usually takes longer than a week or two to develop new skills! Committing to consistent, workable action is what matters!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! You are clearly taking action and learning from the changes you are making!
It sounds as though ensuring you go to bed when sleepy helps create better conditions for sleep and not actively checking the time helps reduce any pressure you might put on yourself to make sleep happen.
I am curious to know how logging sleep is proving to be beneficial or helpful for you. Some people do find this helpful (usually in the short-term); I am curious to know if/why it seems to be helpful for you!
It makes complete sense that you are impatient for progress — and yet, progress is out of your control! You can only control your actions. Ongoing, committed, meaningful and workable action is progress because it’s moving you closer to where you want to be!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If it helps, here’s a study that found the average number of nighttime awakenings in participants without sleep apnea, across all age groups, was 32 awakenings (just under five awakenings per hour of sleep): https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2564772/
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
If you feel as though you are on the right track and moving closer to where you want to be, that’s really all that matters!
Since you asked for my thoughts on the sleep window, I usually suggest basing this on how you’ve been sleeping over the past couple of weeks rather than how you slept in the past or how you want to sleep in the future.
If you currently average around 5 hours of sleep each night, a sleep window of 7.5 hours is almost setting you up for 2.5 hours of wakefulness at night. That might be a problem for you, and it might not. You are the expert on you
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
