Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hello Anariel and welcome to the forum!
Let me start by saying that there’s nothing unique or unusual in your experience. And, the fact you’ve been dealing with this for a month rather than 3 month or your whole life doesn’t make it any less difficult.
Your experience with insomnia has followed a typical pattern — sleep didn’t happen as expected, so you responded by (understandably!) trying to fix it.
You took herbal sleeping pills, you tried prescription medication, you tried acupuncture, you tried staying home.
Some of those things offered varying degrees of relief, but none got to the root of the problem — you were still (understandably) putting pressure on yourself to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. And, trying to control sleep only makes it more difficult.
Many people find CBT-I helpful — but not everyone. One reason for that might be because CBT-I techniques themselves can easily become sleep efforts. We are still trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. (We might also try to control what we are thinking and feeling.)
All these attempts draw us into more struggle. So we try harder. We struggle more. We try harder. And, round and round we go, seemingly trapped in a vicious cycle.
Not only that, the more we try, the more we can find ourselves getting pulled away from the life we want to live. We might do less. We might withdraw from life. We might act in ways that don’t reflect who we are or who we want to be. That makes our situation even more difficult.
There is no way to “not think” about something. Not thinking about something requires you to think of that very thing to see if you are thinking about it or not! For as long as that’s your strategy, you might be setting yourself up for an ongoing and exhausting struggle.
Perhaps the solution then, is to move away from trying to control what your experience tells you is beyond your control? How much energy might you free up if you were able to refocus your attention (and effort) on actions that move you toward the life you want to live, independently of sleep?
You might like my podcast episode with Irina — as I share in the intro to that episode, she gave sleep the opportunity to take care of itself while she took care of doing things that helped her live the life she wanted to live. And, that’s exactly what happened.
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best. You are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you’ve experienced a big improvement over the past six months, @nozzzz — so you know from experience that change is possible (and that change can happen even as you move away from medication)!
The brain fog you described is not unusual and experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings like anxiety is not unusual, either.
Of course, you’d rather not experience the brain fog and difficult, uncomfortable, and/or strange thoughts and feelings that show up. If there was a way to control those things, no doubt you’d be doing them and they wouldn’t feel like such a barrier to ongoing progress.
As your experience probably tells you, just as you cannot directly or permanently control sleep, you cannot directly or permanently control the presence of difficult or uncomfortable thoughts or feelings, either. They show up when they want, no matter what you do, right?
So, you have a choice when it comes to responding to them. You can (understandably!) try to do battle with them — try to fight or avoid them. Focus all your energy and attention on defeating them. And, where does that get you, according to your own experience?
Or, you can practice acknowledging their presence when they show up (even though you’d rather they weren’t present, there they are). You can practice being kind to yourself when they show up. You can practice refocusing your attention on where you are, what you are doing, what you want to be doing — even in their presence. And, where might that get you?
This isn’t about “sucking it up”. It’s about being aware of all the stuff we might add on to the difficult stuff that shows up, that can make it even more difficult.
If how you’re dealing with all this right now doesn’t seem to be getting you closer to where you want to be, might you be open to a different way of dealing with it? And based on what I’ve shared here, what might that different way look like?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult, Colin. I can’t say for sure whether what you’ve described is physiological or psychological. Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep, but if the awakenings are caused by something like sleep apnea then treatment can help. CPAP can be hard to tolerate and ongoing experimentation with pressure settings (and different devices) can help.
When you wake around 4:30 AM, have you tried staying in bed instead of getting out of bed? Resting still offers restorative value, if sleep doesn’t show up. And, trying to make sleep happen or trying to control our thoughts and feelings (for example, trying to make “calm” happen or trying to push away worry, fear, or anything else) can draw us into a battle that makes sleep more difficult and is likely to consume more energy.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You might want to check out my podcast with Juergen — he mentioned that tinnitus retraining was helpful.
As for headaches, unfortunately that’s not my area of expertise so I can’t offer any advice there. What I would do is encourage you to be kind to yourself when they show up. Headaches aren’t your fault and they feel hard because they are hard.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! It has been wonderful to witness your transformation! To see your successes and your response to challenges and difficulty, your ongoing commitment to workable action, and to read your insights and learnings.
You are responsible for the progress you’ve made and I wish you all the best for the future!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It could very well be an increased level of awareness since, after all, waking during the night is a normal part of sleep. If you are concerned about these awakenings, I would suggest speaking with your doctor to ensure there’s no medical explanation for those awakenings (for example, sleep apnea).
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Waking is a normal part of sleep and the human brain is a thought generating machine — so it’s not unusual to notice it generating weird or illogical thoughts.
If you are concerned about your sleep or the thoughts you are noticing, I would encourage you to speak with your doctor.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs are all part of the process, @JackHawkins! Just as we all have difficult days from time to time, we all have difficult nights from time to time — and, it’s impossible to live a rich and meaningful life without pain and difficulty.
What matters is how you respond during these times of difficulty. When things don’t go to plan. When things aren’t going as well as you want them to.
Do you choose to respond in ways that get you tangled up in a struggle and pull you away from the life you want to live? Or, do you respond in a way that helps you build skill in experiencing all this difficult stuff while continuing to move toward the life you want to live?
Luckily, the choice is always yours!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing what you’re taking from the course, even at this very early stage, @jolanta!
It sounds as though you are also lifting some of those rules/restrictions and starting to do more of the stuff that matters to you (I’m a big fan of tea, too — perhaps that’s no surprise to many, though)!
Here’s to your ongoing journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sure sounds as though your actions are increasingly aligned with the life you want to live rather than trying to protect or control sleep, what you think, and how you feel. That’s the path to insomnia independence!
It makes complete sense that you still think about sleep — that’s your brain doing its job and looking out for you (thanks, brain!). What matters is how you respond to those thoughts because your response will either pull you into an endless and exhausting struggle or help you build skill in experiencing them like water off a duck’s back!
Thanks for your kind words and I love how you ended your post. Everyone here is a winner because they’ve demonstrated that they are ready to commit to a new way forward. Change is hard and it takes time and nobody here is alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s nothing unusual going on here, @JasmineF — and it’s impossible to go backwards unless you permanently return to all the old, unworkable actions of the past that you know from experience don’t work and only pull you further away from the life you want to live.
You cannot control sleep — so when nights of less sleep happen, they are not your fault and they are not a reflection of your progress (and being hard on yourself in response rarely makes things feel any better).
What matters is how you respond when those difficult nights show up. You shared what you are not doing (being kind to yourself, accepting, refocusing on actions that matter) — and it’s never too late to make a change and recommit to doing what you want to be doing.
Change is hard. It comes with ups and downs. What matters is what you choose to do when things get difficult.
And so, with all this in mind, what are you going to do? It’s your choice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Would I be right in my understanding that you are trying (or have a strong desire) to make a certain amount/type of sleep happen and you are trying (or have a strong desire) to avoid tiredness?
If so, that’s all completely understandable! And, if your experience tells you that those things are out of your direct/permanent control, what’s the most workable way forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting the practice in, Kendra!
If you got some practice in with allowing difficult feelings to be present (rather than trying to fight or avoid them), the AWAKE exercise worked.
I would encourage you to be mindful that the AWAKE exercise isn’t supposed to make sleep happen or change your thoughts and feelings. If you practice with that intent, the exercise can become another effort to control what cannot be controlled — and that can set you up for some struggle and you’re unlikely to get a whole lot from the practice!
Sometimes, we might fall asleep after practicing the AWAKE exercise. Sometimes, we might feel better or difficult thoughts and feelings might temporarily disappear. Those are all bonus side-effects that can happen — and, if they do, by all means enjoy them!
However, those side-effects are not the intent. They’re not the goal. The goal is to practice building skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with that wakefulness with less struggle. Being more of a kind and curious observer, rather than an opponent.
Thanks again for sharing your experience! You are taking action and you are learning from your experience, too
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations for getting to the end of the course content — the journey now begins!
Information alone is useful, but it doesn’t do much without ongoing action. Getting the practice in, when things feel good and when things feel difficult.
There’s a key insight in your post, “I’m so anxious to get back to not having to think about sleep…”
For as long as you try not to think about something, you’re going to think about it! For as long as you try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings, they’re going to create more difficulty and struggle and gain more power and influence. I suspect your own experience tells you this, right?
Remember, you cannot control sleep — just as you cannot control what your mind chooses to do. So, please don’t forget to be kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
Remember, too, that you always get to choose how you respond to what’s happening — and your response is what matters! The actions you take matter. And they’re within your control.
As @fidgety-feet rightly pointed out, you’ve proved to yourself that you can experience good nights of sleep — and difficult nights (and difficult thoughts and feelings) are to be expected! They come with being a human being!
You’ve come a long way. Now, ongoing practice is what counts
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing @ldesau! I think there’s a real insight in these words:
“I started to experience sleep when I stopped trying to sleep… I got on with living my life regardless of sleep and then my body got the sleep it needed.”
It sounds as though you are on a workable path forward, and @fidgety-feet is right there with you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
