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Thanks for the great questions! It sounds as though you’ve really been through a tough time with it all and I hope you find the approach we’ll be exploring over the coming weeks more useful.
If you feel comfortable with a sleep window of 11:30 PM to 6:30 AM then I’d suggest sticking with that for Week 1. You can always adjust this for Week 2 if you feel that would be useful.
I don’t usually suggest adjusting the sleep window because of a one-day change to a routine. What you might want to do is allow yourself to go to bed a bit earlier the night before IF you feel sleepy enough for sleep before 11:30 PM.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Rubylight!
That discouragement is natural and normal — it’s your brain doing its job and looking out for you!
What’s your goal with sleep compression, and how are you implementing it? Are you finding that keeping a sleep diary is helping you shift attention away from sleep (something that you cannot directly control anyway) or is it perhaps making sleep more of a focus of your attention, at the expense of all the other stuff that’s also present in your life?
For as long as our goal is to make sleep happen, get rid of wakefulness when it shows up, or to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with insomnia, we are setting ourselves up for a struggle (which can make everything more difficult) since we cannot directly or permanently control any of that stuff (as you likely know from your own experience).
The goal with a sleep window (whether you are implementing sleep restriction or sleep compression) is to help you move away from chasing after sleep — because the more we try to make sleep happen, the more difficult it usually becomes. It’s not something that can make sleep happen since sleep cannot be controlled.
In short, we cannot control sleep and we cannot permanently get rid of wakefulness or difficult thoughts and feelings. For as long as we try, we’ll likely struggle. What we can control is our response to this difficult stuff — and our response can make things more difficult (by adding struggle on top), or it can help us move away from the endless and exhausting struggle so we can use our energy and attention in a way that will help us do more of what matters.
The AWAKE exercise is something I share in my online course as a way of moving away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it.
I hope there’s something helpful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question! If reading a book in bed is something you enjoy, then go for it! What we’re looking to do here is move away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness — from seeing the bed as a battleground!
So, if reading in bed is pleasant then there’s no need to take that away from your life in an effort to control or protect sleep (something that can’t be directly or permanently controlled anyway!
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
From what you’re saying, it sounds as though medication might not be proving to be a long-term solution. Would that be accurate, from your own experience?
Many people have found sleep disruption and issues with sleep got worse (or even started for the first time) upon retirement and I suspect that might be because there’s often less structure to our days and less opportunity to expand our focus so we are more aware and engaged in things other than sleep. What are your thoughts on that?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum — and I wish you all the best on your journey! If you have any questions, please feel free to post them here. You are not alone!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What’s your current approach to sleep since you decided to move away from sleeping pills? Did you discuss that with your doctor?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing, Laura!
When we stop chasing after sleep, when we aren’t engaged in the struggle, when it’s no longer the focus of our attention or the boss of our actions, things typically start to get a bit easier — just as you described!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I moved your post here to the client forum, kml 🙂
Thanks for sharing how liberating it felt to move away from all those rituals! Your evenings sound far more pleasant and how much nicer is it not having to track sleep or analyze numbers that you have no control over anyway?!
It sounds as though you’ve freed up more energy and attention to do things that matter to you and you’re moving away from the insomnia struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think it can be helpful to acknowledge all the thoughts and feelings your mind is generating as it does its job of looking out for you and allowing them to come and go as they choose. Trying to fight or avoid them is not only futile (since we can’t directly or permanently control the mind) but it’s exhausting and it can end up consuming all your energy and attention!
I think it’s perfectly OK to change your sleep window when your lifestyle is going to be changing. Ultimately, we want our focus to be on living the life we want to live rather than trying to protect or otherwise control what cannot be controlled (like sleep)!
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Remember that the sleep window is only one tool that can be used to help move us away from chasing after sleep. It cannot generate sleep or control sleep since sleep cannot be controlled!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s amazing how much power all this difficult stuff loses, once we stop engaging in a struggle with it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
How did you make sleep happen before you retired? What’s different in your approach now, compared to back then? Any insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Have you and your doctor come up with a tapering-off plan? If so, it can be helpful to stick to that plan, regardless of how each individual night goes. Good luck!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I suspect most people fear death. It’s probably hard-wired into the human brain as a survival mechanism and without that fear, I doubt many of us would be alive today. So, although it can be difficult, that’s a natural and normal feeling/emotion — and, by itself, it doesn’t prevent sleep from happening.
What can make sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings. That’s because we cannot directly or permanently control what the mind does. The more we try, the more we struggle. The more we struggle, the more energy we expend and the less focused we become on doing things that matter and engaging in the world around us. This, in turn, can make everything more difficult.
So a more useful response might be acknowledging these difficult thoughts and feelings. Moving away from the endless and exhausting struggle. Being kind to yourself when they show up. Allowing them to come and go as they please. Then, refocusing your attention on doing things that matter to you. Living the life you want to live, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings and even after difficult nights.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds like an awful situation to have experienced. I am sorry that happened to you.
The worry you described is natural and normal — and, waking during the night is actually natural and normal, too. What can make falling back to sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid those awakenings, trying to make sleep happen, putting pressure on yourself to fall back to sleep, and/or battling with the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come along for the ride.
That’s because sleep cannot be directly controlled and the more we try to control what cannot be controlled, the more we engage in a battle and a struggle — and your brain is unlikely to allow you to fall asleep if it thinks you’re at war!
I hope there’s something helpful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
