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“I don’t no why but I can’t seem to stop my bad thoughts even when I have good nights”
Perhaps that’s because thoughts (good, bad, or neutral) cannot be directly or permanently stopped? And, if that’s the case, for as long as we try to control what our experience tells us is out of our control, we might continue to struggle.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I invite you to share some of the ways you are doing better without referring to how much sleep you are getting — because that might help you stay focussed on action-based change. And, action-based change is always within your control. Your actions are what move you toward the life we want to live (true success!) or pull you away from it.
PS: As mentioned by Natalia — nothing unusual or abnormal with having a night of less (or no) sleep from time to time. What matters is how you respond when things don’t happen as you might want them to happen (and what you learn along the way)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep drive builds with every minute of wakefulness so giving yourself less opportunity to sleep will create conditions for sleep drive to build. That’s no guarantee that sleep will happen when (or how) you want it to happen, though.
You are the expert on you and in my experience, chronic insomnia is not exclusively a sleep drive problem. It’s far more about the ongoing struggle that comes from trying to make sleep happen.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you can sleep in bed at home, you can sleep anywhere — even upside down in the International Space Station 😉
Something seems to be different when you give sleep the opportunity to happen elsewhere and I can’t say for sure exactly what that might be. Some ideas, though:
1. Your brain is more alert in a new environment.
2. You are putting more effort into making sleep happen in a new environment.
3. You are trying to fight or avoid wakefulness and certain thoughts and feelings when you are in a new environment.Which, if any, do you feel are influential — and what do you feel is the best way to respond?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great point you raise there! Any action that is intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen is a sleep effort — and sleep efforts don’t work (if they did, insomnia wouldn’t exist).
So, if you take herbals because you believe they are good for your health and that is an action that reflects your values then there’s no problem!
If you take herbals in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — well, that action might be setting you up for a struggle and reinforce the idea that nighttime wakefulness is a threat that your brain needs to be alert to protect you from.
Another example: if you practice a sleep window to help you move away from chasing after sleep and to free up more time to live life (rather than spending an excessive amount of time in bed) then there’s no problem.
If you practice a sleep window in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, you might be setting yourself up for a struggle because you are trying to control something that’s out of your control.
The intention behind our actions is key — because that intention determines whether our actions are workable or not. Whether they reflect who we are and who we want to be. Whether they move us closer to the life we want to live or away from the life we want to live. Whether they keep us tangled up in an ongoing struggle or whether they help free us from an endless (and often exhausting) struggle.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to Week 2 🙂
Your awareness is growing. The focus of your attention is expanding. You are making changes based on what you are learning. You are committed and you are curious.
Anxiety might disappear when you wake early and it might reappear when you wake early. Anxiety is a bit like an itch — sometimes you’ll feel it and sometimes you won’t. One thing is for sure though — you’ll feel it again at some point (and you have complete power over how you choose to respond).
In Week 3, we’ll be exploring how to deal with daytime difficulties in more detail — and you can definitely practice the AWAKE exercise during the day, in response to difficult or unpleasant physical feelings in the meantime (such practice can also help you build more skill for when you practice at night, too).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’ve uncovered a couple of powerful benefits that can come from implementing a sleep window — an awareness of the time you allocate for sleep (and, by extension, the time you allocate for living life) and, very often, more time to do stuff that matters.
Those insights have only revealed themselves thanks to your willingness to take action — even when action is hard. And, I suspect such insights were easier to tease out thanks to your superpower of self-reflection!
Change is happening because you are making change happen. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best as you continue to take action, continue to learn, and continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome! Acceptance is a journey and it requires ongoing practice — it sounds like you are ready for the journey 🙂
You’ve been through a lot and you are still here. You’ve learned a lot. You’ve proven to yourself how committed you are to dealing with all this difficult stuff in a workable way.
Your experience seems to tell you that you cannot directly or permanently control your feelings (or your thoughts). They come and they go, no matter what you do. And, the more you try to control them the more powerful and influential (and difficult?) they seem to become.
As you pointed out, enjoyable activities can seem less (or not) enjoyable when things are difficult. What matters most here is not how activities might make you feel, but whether they are workable. Whether they reflect who you are and who you want to be. Whether they help move you away from battling and struggling. Whether they are more appealing than the alternative(s).
You have all the power here because you have control over your actions. So, when you are in bed and things feel difficult, you get to decide what to do next.
How you respond might not be enjoyable — but what is the “best” way to respond? I invite you to evaluate the options available to you and then choose whichever feels most appealing and, from reflecting on your own experience, less likely to pull you into a deeper struggle.
We’ll be exploring all this stuff a lot more as you continue to work through the course 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard, @richybald — it’s good to have you here.
You are already taking action, and that’s a reflection of your superpowers of commitment and determination.
@Sees1970 shared a hugely valuable insight here (thanks for your contribution!) — the sleep window is simply one tool, and it’s not intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. If you implement a sleep window with goals related to sleep (which is out of your control) it can easily backfire!Michael also shared some wise words. Patience. Acceptance. Often easier said than done and usually skills that require ongoing practice!
A few thoughts related to creating a sleep window:
1. Start with an out of bed time based on what feels right for you (you are the expert on you). Something that fits in with your lifestyle, that feels aligned with your body clock, something that gives you the opportunity to live the life you want to live. Something that’s realistic.
2. Choose a duration (and your sleep window’s start time) based on how you are typically sleeping now — not on how you want to be sleeping. If you base the sleep window on how you want to be sleeping, you might be chasing after sleep and trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — then you are in “backfire” territory 😉
3. Set the window and forget about making any changes for at least a week (ideally two). Then reflect on what you’ve learned from the change.
Your brain is wired to sleep. It’s also wired to protect you — and that takes priority over everything. If your brain believes that being awake is a threat, it’ll fire up to keep you safe — and that, in turn, can make things more difficult.
I invite you to consider how you might — through your actions — help train your brain that being awake (even though you’d rather be asleep) isn’t a threat. We’ll be exploring this more as you continue to work through the course.
It sounds like you are off to a great start. You are taking action. You are approaching all this with an open and curious mind. I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Is your current sleep window 8:00 PM to 7:00 AM (11 hours long)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What does success mean to you, @Sees1970?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The thought, “What if you don’t sleep?” is a very popular one 🙂
When you acknowledge the thought, it’s probably not going to magically disappear and never return again. It’ll keep coming back because your brain is never going to stop doing its job of looking out for you.
So, you acknowledge the thought and refocus your attention on where you are and what you are doing. When it comes back, you repeat the process again — acknowledge and refocus. Again and again. Build that muscle, build that skill — get the reps in 🙂
The goal here isn’t to get rid of certain thoughts and feelings. It’s about being more skilled at staying present and doing what matters in their presence.
As for watching my content and overdoing it with the forums, that demonstrates your superpower of self-awareness! What might you do instead of spending excessive time on forums or sleep-related content? What actions better reflect who you are and the life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What you are going through feels hard because it is hard. You are a human being, not a robot. So, I hope you are being kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
A theme I’ve noticed when you share your struggles with so much honesty is you often reference how much sleep you are (or aren’t) getting. That might imply there’s still an understandable goal to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — something that can only set you up for more struggle, since sleep is out of your control.
Progress isn’t reflected in the amount of sleep that happens from night to night. Progress is reflected in what you are learning and how you are responding to being awake when you’d rather be asleep and how you are responding to the presence of thoughts and feelings you’d rather not be present. Progress is reflected in how workable your actions are and whether they reflect your values and move you toward the life you want to live.
Something that might help with measuring progress based on actions you can control is this — if you imagine that I had a magic wand and could wave it right now so that sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern for you anymore, what would you be doing differently with your life? Not feeling or thinking differently, but doing differently? And, how might you take (or how are you taking) steps (no matter how small) toward those actions?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Powerful stuff here, thank you to all those who are contributing to the honest and supportive conversation that’s happening.
Something stood out in a couple of the more recent posts:
that makes it hard(er) to keep guilt and other emotions at bay–for me that is.
but when you’re sitting there alone and wondering what to do to “relax” and your brain wants to turn those relaxing things into sleep efforts, it’s so very hard.
These two statements imply attempts to control the mind. To fight or avoid certain thought and feelings (or make certain thoughts and feelings happen) — and that’s totally understandable!
And, if experience says the mind cannot be directly controlled, what’s the most likely outcome from those attempts?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The only way a sleep window “fails” is if you are using it in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — because you cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen through effort 🙂
A sleep window is nothing more than a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep — because the more you chase after it, the more elusive it becomes!
Something else to consider is that whenever we do something new, that requires more “brain power” and monitoring and evaluation in the short-term. It takes time to adjust to something new, to make it something more mundane and more routine.
As the expert on yourself, does going to bed at 11:30 PM (versus 8:00 PM) feel more aligned with your body and the life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
