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Welcome aboard, Angela!
It sounds as though you have a sleep window of 8.5 hours (10:30 PM to 7:00 AM). With that kind of sleep window, I would expect someone to be averaging around 8 hours of sleep each night — is that the case for you? If not, how did you choose the length and start/end times of that sleep window and what are you trying to achieve with that sleep window?
It might be worth a reminder that the sleep window isn’t intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. As your experience seems to be telling you, sleep cannot be controlled through effort — the more we try to make it happen, the more elusive and the more difficult it can seem to become.
The sleep window is really a tool that can help us move away from chasing after sleep by doing things like allotting an excessive amount of time for sleep, going to bed earlier and/or staying in bed later in an attempt to make sleep happen.
The tossing and turning and body jolts and sense of panic during the night are difficult to experience. There can be no doubt about that. And, you’ll be exploring those challenges in a lot more detail as the course progresses. Typically, the more we try to (understandably) fight or avoid those difficult things, the more difficult they can become.
When it comes to taking the sleep aids, that is ultimately down to you and any changes to medication should be discussed with your doctor. In my experience it doesn’t seem to matter what approach people take when it comes to medication — what seems to matter most is having a clear plan in place and then sticking to it, regardless of how each night goes.
What you are going through is difficult but it is not unique or unusual. It is all part of the insomnia struggle and is shared by many people in your situation. A sleep window of 8.5 hours can’t be taking sleep away from you unless you typically sleep for longer than 8.5 hours — so, as for throwing in the towel on the sleep window experiment, what is the alternative option you have in mind that will make more sleep happen?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hey, @Dan! Have you thought about staying in bed to read rather than getting out of bed? Frustration is natural and normal and sleep can still happen in the presence of frustration — things sure can get a lot more difficult if we try to fight that frustration, though.
If you are using the AWAKE exercise to control your emotions, you might be setting yourself up for a struggle since we don’t usually have direct or permanent control over our emotions.
The AWAKE exercise is intended to help you build skill in experiencing being awake and experiencing all the thoughts and feelings that can show up with that wakefulness with less struggle — in other words, experiencing it all without battling it. Being more of a curious observer rather than an opponent. Accepting the difficult stuff as well as the good stuff.
If we are engaged in a war during the night, how likely is sleep to happen? How likely are we to get out of bed feeling rested and refreshed?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing!
Our diet can influence sleep, but it doesn’t usually supply insomnia with the oxygen it needs to survive and take over our lives — it’s all our attempts to fight or avoid insomnia that is more likely to do that.
As always, you are the expert on you, so if you are doing well then that is great and I am happy to hear it 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s not dumb at all — that fear is natural and normal and is a sign that your problem-solving brain is doing its job of looking out for you (thanks, brain)!
You have a choice here:
1. Not go on vacation (an action you can control) because of how you might sleep (something you cannot control).
2. Go on vacation (an action you can control), regardless of how you might sleep (something you cannot control).
Which choice moves you toward the life you want to live?
Worry will always show up for as long as you are a living and breathing human being. So, regardless of your choice, worry is going to show up.
Do you want it to show up as you do things that move you toward the life you want to live or do you want it to show up as you withdraw and get pulled away from living the life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
This would be a conversation to have with your doctor @zoki — especially if you are currently taking any kind of medication.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question!
Typically, I would suggest that if you aren’t regularly getting close to six hours of sleep at night and you are often struggling when you are awake at night you either keep the sleep window the same or start it a bit later.
How did you choose the start and end times of your 12am to 6am sleep window? Is 6am an out of bed time that is aligned with the life you live (or want to live)?
Are you thinking of the start of your sleep window as your earliest possible bedtime and only going to bed from midnight onward, once you feel sleepy enough for sleep?
There is no such thing as being “overtired” — as sleep drive increases, sleep becomes more likely. The belief that we are overtired or have missed the perfect moment for sleep can make things more difficult, though — because then we can start battling and struggling, and that’s what makes sleep so much more difficult.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Waking during sleep is a normal part of sleep, @Jtrang. How do you currently respond to waking around 5am or 6am and how is that working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course, @christ31tn! I wish you all the best with it.
Stress often accompanies a rich and meaningful life — and it sounds as though your experience tells you that the more you try to control sleep (and perhaps what you think and how you feel) the more you can end up struggling.
Glad to hear you are ready to jump in and explore a new approach 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Cranky and welcome to the course! I would guess that there are as many triggers for insomnia as there are people in the world — and, if we want to live a rich and meaningful life they cannot be avoided.
Ultimately, triggers don’t matter a whole lot — difficult nights from time to time are a part of life (just like difficult days from time to time). What transforms these natural and normal difficult nights into a longer-term problem are all our understandable attempts to get rid of them — because, with sleep, the more we try to make it happen the more elusive it can become and the more tangled up in a struggle we can get.
Your concerns about your memory is understandable! Allow me to reassure you that there is no evidence that insomnia causes Alzheimer’s (or any other medication condition) regardless of the confusing and misleading headlines you might find out there!
I wish you all the best with the course 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Rania! A consistent night routine might help create better conditions for more consistent sleep (depending on what you are actually doing) but it cannot make consistent sleep happen, because sleep is out of your direct control.
So, even if you have a consistent and helpful night routine, if you are still trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen and/or engaged in actions that are intended to control sleep and/or fight or avoid wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with it, you might be setting yourself up for continued confusion and struggle.
As for sleeping on the couch, that’s entirely up to you. If sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern, would you be aiming to fall asleep on the couch or in your bed? Does that question offer you any guidance?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
All your concerns are natural and normal, @Jtrang — and allow me to reassure you that you haven’t lost the ability to sleep (that’s not possible). It is, however, completely possible for your situation to improve!
When we feel stuck, it’s often because we don’t know what to do next. We are all out of ideas. This course will give you ideas and options to help you move forward.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best with the course. What you are going through is difficult and it is not unusual. You are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I would suggest using your experience as a guide here, since you are the expert on you.
So, you might ask yourself whether going to bed before you feel sleepy is a helpful action, according to your experience. Does it tend to create more struggle or less struggle?
Some people find that going to bed before they feel sleepy increases the likelihood of struggle. Others find it doesn’t matter and they’d rather go to bed to get some rest (regardless of whether sleep happens or not).
Remember that a sleep window isn’t intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — it’s simply one tool that is intended to help you start moving away from chasing after sleep.
As you continue to work through the course we’ll be exploring how to respond to the tossing and turning, anxiety, and all the other difficult stuff that can show up once we are in bed during the sleep window.
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sometimes difficult nights show up for no apparent reason, just as we can’t always predict or explain why we had a difficult day.
Difficult nights aren’t a regression or a setback — they’re not really even “relapses”. They’re a natural and normal part of being a human being.
What matters is how we respond to them. Do we get pulled back into the old struggle where the more we try to make sleep happen the more difficult it becomes and the more we get pulled away from doing things that matter?
Or, do we respond by continuing to build skill in moving away from struggle by acknowledging what’s going on, being kind to ourselves, and continuing to do things that matter so we don’t give all this difficult stuff more power and influence over our lives?
None of the techniques or exercises shared in this course make sleep happen — if that’s our intent when we practice, we are going to struggle.
What they do is help us build skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with insomnia with less struggle — because it’s the struggle that gives all this stuff more power and influence and makes it all more difficult.
When we struggle less, we free up energy and attention to be more present. To do more of what matters. To continue living the life we want — whether this stuff shows up or not.
We gain independence from it. And, when we have that independence, it can no longer be a real problem in our lives and so it’s going to be less noticeable and influential and perhaps show up less frequently, too.
Difficult nights are an opportunity to keep the practice going. Nothing more, nothing less. We don’t need to attach any meaning to them, any labels, or any stories. They are an opportunity to ensure that our actions are continuing to serve us and the life we want to live.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Chantal! The body can definitely become accustomed to waking at a certain time so if you have started your day around 5:30 AM for most of your life it makes sense that you are going to naturally wake around that time.
As you know from experience, you cannot control the amount or type of sleep you get each night — trying to do so usually creates a struggle that makes everything more difficult.
You do have a choice, though. You can choose to stay in bed after 5:30 AM or you can choose to start your day at 5:30 AM. What are the pros and cons to each option, and which is most aligned with who you are and who you want to be? Which option keeps you moving toward the life you want to live and reduces the power and influence sleep has over your life?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you’re noticing ups and downs then you are making progress since ups and downs are part of progress 🙂
As you mentioned, it can sometimes be difficult to assess if we are sleepy enough to go to bed and the ongoing monitoring might even become a distraction or a sleep effort that can pull us into a struggle.
What matters most is being aware of why you are going to bed. If you are going to bed because the clock tells you it’s “bedtime” or because you want to make a certain amount of sleep happen, you could set yourself up for a struggle — something that’s probably best avoided!
When you wait until you are sleepy, you are going to bed because you are finding it hard to stay wake and your body is ready to sleep (rather than you wanting it to be ready for sleep).
So, from reading your post, I think you are on the right track. You are re-learning the difference between sleepiness and fatigue and you are going to bed when you feel ready to go to bed rather than because you are chasing after sleep.
You don’t have to be overly strict here or have any predetermined level or intensity of sleepiness. It’s more about moving away from chasing after sleep and going to bed when you are ready for sleep rather than when you want to be ready for sleep.
Does this make things any clearer? It’s OK to say no!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
