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What you’ve both shared here is difficult — and what you’ve both shared here is not unique or unusual. It’s all part of the insomnia struggle, which can probably be distilled down to this: the more we try to make sleep happen the more we struggle with sleep.
@NOOR — As you have chased after sleep (completely understandably, by the way!) it seems you have no real sleep schedule; you are in bed until noon, or 2:00 PM and that makes it so much harder for your sleep to do what it wants to do (take care of itself).Similarly, as you have tried to (again, understandably!) fight or avoid anxiety you have found the anxiety gets even more powerful and even more difficult.
Reading can be a more useful alternative compared to battling away, going to war with being awake and going to war with difficult thoughts and difficult feelings. It’s not going to make sleep happen, though (but not being at war might mean that conditions for sleep are a bit better!).
“I’ve tried even accepting the situation, but even with acceptance, sleep doesn’t come.”
If you are practicing acceptance with the goal of making sleep happen, you aren’t practicing acceptance — you are still trying to make sleep happen. That, as your experience is telling you, is what’s supplying your insomnia with the oxygen it needs to survive.
“I’m utterly perplexed as to what else I can do to restore my sleep to how it used to be.”
There might be an insight here. When sleep was good and wasn’t an issue or a concern, how did you make great sleep happen?
@beckycolorado: Your brain is doing its job of looking out for you. It doesn’t need to protect you from a struggle and battle with wakefulness when you are in your chair reading. However, when you get into bed — a place that’s become a battleground — it’s going to fire up to keep you safe. It has learned to believe that being awake is a threat. It wants to protect you from that threat.Since you recognize this as an obstacle to sleep, like most human beings you are probably going to try to calm your mind or try to fight whatever your brain is doing.
However, this doesn’t work.
Your brain thinks there’s a threat. When you try to fight or ignore all the difficult thoughts and feelings it is generating in an attempt to protect you from that threat, it’s not going to give in — it thinks you are in danger! — instead, it’s going to make all those thoughts and feelings even more intense.
Imagine if you saw a child about to step into a busy street without looking. You yell at them to stop in an attempt to protect them. They ignore you. Do you stop yelling, or do you yell even louder?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @PEPPE and welcome to the forum — you aren’t alone!
I think @hiker offered some really helpful guidance. All I would add is there might be a big insight in your sentence, “I have text book examples of what to do for promote sleep but nothing helps”.
Based on that, it sounds as though your experience is telling you that sleep is out of your control — you cannot make it happen through effort. No matter how hard you try, you continue to struggle with it.
Is there any possibility that the (understandable) effort and ongoing trying might be making things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
“So my goal with the breathing and mindful meditation is to soothe my brain back to a floaty, dreamy state – and to let any thoughts and worries that try to bother me float away instead of crowding in and keeping me up.”
Is there a possibility that practicing breathing and mindful meditation in an attempt to control your brain (turn it into a floaty dreamy state) and/or stop thoughts and worries from showing up might be creating some additional struggle? Does your experience tell you this is a workable approach and how much effort, energy, and attention does that approach require in the middle of the night?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think you are close
As you rightly pointed out, waking is a normal part of sleep.
If we find it hard to fall back to sleep when we wake, then there are a few possible explanations:
1. We don’t need more sleep,
2. We are putting pressure on ourselves to fall back to sleep,
3. We are putting effort into making more sleep happen,
4. We are trying to fight or avoid any difficult thoughts and feelings that might be showing up.You mentioned that you have, “not gone back to sleep despite relaxing accepting things”. This suggests that you might be practicing acceptance (not trying to fight or avoid wakefulness and the thoughts and feelings that can come with it) with the goal of making sleep happen.
If your experience tells you that sleep cannot be controlled through effort, then this might be what’s creating some struggle.
Acceptance is about building skill in experiencing difficult stuff that cannot be controlled with less struggle. Being more of a curious observer rather than an opponent.
The idea being that when we (understandably, by the way!) try to fight or avoid what cannot be controlled, we set ourselves up for a struggle, and all that difficult stuff we are battling becomes even more difficult.
Furthermore, when we are engaged in a war with all these invisible enemies, we are probably less likely to fall asleep!
So, a reminder of the goal of acceptance — choosing not to battle with what’s out of your control — and reframing your goal as ongoing practice to build skill in experiencing this stuff with less struggle might be useful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question — this is a common concern!
My thoughts are this:
If you enjoy reading in bed, I don’t see how it could be a problem. Your own experience tells you that reading in bed doesn’t stop sleep from happening and your own experience tells you that rules and rituals aren’t usually helpful when it comes to sleep!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for your kind words
You clearly have an open and a curious mind and are ready and willing to explore and practice a different approach. Not everyone has those strengths and not everyone is ready for change. Change is hard!
It sounds as though trying to stop thoughts requires a lot of effort, energy, and attention — and, sooner or later, they show up anyway. So, all that effort, energy, and attention is wasted and might also be making the thoughts more difficult when they show up.
An alternative might be to acknowledge your thoughts when they show up. To make space for them to exist. To allow them to come and go as they choose. To observe them rather than fight them.
Your experience tells you that these thoughts are going to show up anyway. How might things be different if you practice building skill in allowing them to come and go without resistance?
PS: You might also replace the word “thoughts” with the word “wakefulness” if you are looking to apply this approach to insomnia, too
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you don’t want to be a weed smoker, it sounds like working toward that goal would involve committing to the action of reducing or eliminating your use of weed and the human body doesn’t need weed to generate sleep
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I should have elaborated in my original response — my apologies!
Sleep studies are looking for physiological causes of sleep disruption such as sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome.
Chronic insomnia isn’t a physiological problem with sleep — it’s sustained by all our attempts to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You aren’t alone, Chrissie. This is hard. It sounds as though you are still very focused on achieving a certain amount or type of sleep and that’s understandable!
If your experience tells you that you cannot control the amount or type of sleep you get, how is trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen helping you? Could trying to achieve that goal be what’s making things so much more difficult?
If the instructions you have been following had worked by now, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you might be implementing a sleep window and stimulus control in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, @elvinalim. If that’s the case, it’s not too surprising that you might find yourself continuing to struggle since sleep cannot be controlled through effort.
A sleep window is nothing more than a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep. As your experience seems to be telling you, the more you try to make sleep happen, the more elusive it can become.
Stimulus control isn’t suggested in this course because — in my experience — I have found that it can create so much additional struggle. How are you implementing stimulus control and what are you trying to achieve with that practice?
Thanks for contributing with your experience, support, and suggestions, Amber — I suspect there might be some helpful ideas in there for you too, @Chrissie.
Waking after 2/3 hours is a normal part of sleep — trying to get back to sleep again might be something that makes it less likely to happen, consumes energy and attention, and makes the next day more difficult, too.
As your experience tells you, the more you try to make sleep happen, the more you are going to struggle.
You aren’t a failure, Chrissie. You are finding this hard because it is hard. You can only control your actions — and your actions determine whether you add more struggle and difficulty on top of all this difficult stuff, or whether you build skill in responding to it in a kinder and more workable way.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
These posts of reflection can be a helpful way to reinforce what you are learning (and practicing) and they can be so enlightening and insightful to others who might read them, too. So, thank you for sharing!
As you mentioned, practicing the AWAKE exercise isn’t easy. It takes time and ongoing practice to respond to difficult thoughts and feelings (and wakefulness) with less resistance — and it sounds as though you are noticing some benefits as you continue to develop these new skills!
It’s good to hear you now look forward to the 3 Good Things exercise since it helps you expand the focus of your attention so you notice more of the good stuff that’s present (not just all the difficult stuff). Ongoing practice with that exercise can be so helpful, especially when it feels as though everything is going against us, when all we can think about (or notice) is all the difficult stuff, and when it seems as though there’s nothing present but struggle and difficulty.
You are taking action and you are getting the practice in. That’s what counts and that’s what gets results
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Going to war isn’t usually something that helps make sleep happen
How did you practice accepting wakefulness? You might still experience worry when practicing acceptance (since worry is a natural and normal human feeling that shows up when it wants) — trying to “not worry” might set you up for some struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You might want to try making the hour before your sleep window begins the last time you check the time and then allow yourself to go to bed whenever you feel sleepy enough for sleep — especially if the thought of going to bed is appealing rather than something that fills you with trepidation and fear!
This also creates the opportunity for more sleep to happen if conditions feel right for sleep to happen and if your body decides it wants to generate more sleep.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard! You definitely aren’t alone — many people who struggled with CBT-I have found the approach shared in this course (which is more aligned with ACT) to be very helpful! I wish you all the best with it
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ideally, you want to complete all the lessons of Week 1 (that includes the quiz and survey) before starting your practice for a week and then moving on in the course. The final questions relate to the course content — not your ongoing practice
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
