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Those jerks/starts (also known as hypnic jerks) can be difficult to experience, that’s for sure!
First, I’d suggest talking to your doctor just to make sure that’s what they are and that there isn’t anything else going on!
If there’s nothing else going on, it might be helpful to know that they are typically a sign that sleep is happening.
As for what to do about them, if your experience tells you that trying to fight or avoid them doesn’t seem to work, perhaps an approach that’s similar to how you might deal with the appearance of difficult thoughts and feelings that show up might be more workable?
What ideas do you have?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Setbacks are part of progress — just as we fell over so many times when we were learning to walk (and even now, we might still trip over from time to time).
If you are using there AWAKE exercise with the intention of getting rid of frustration and anxiety, it’s not going to do anything for you.
As your experience is telling you, there’s no delete button for certain thoughts and feelings. They’re going to show up, no matter what you do. You can choose to fight them or you can choose to allow them to come and go (perhaps as more of a kind and curious observer rather than an aggressive opponent).
The goal of the AWAKE exercise is to help you practice building skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with it with less resistance and less struggle.
Struggle is what can make those thoughts and feelings even more difficult and struggle consumes so much energy, effort and attention. You might find it helpful to revisit the content for Week 2 where this is explored in more detail.
It’s totally natural and normal that new thoughts, ideas, and stories will show up as you practice the AWAKE exercise. If that’s happening while you are visualizing the existing ones, you can just add them into your visualization — perhaps even welcome them to the party.
Remember your goal isn’t elimination (your experience tells you that’s not possible — so why go to all that effort). Your goal is to be more of an observer. To experience them with less resistance. To move away from trying to fight them.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs are all part of the journey — what matters is ongoing, committed action!
As you shared, if you rate your progress based on something you cannot directly control (such as sleep!) you can set yourself up for struggle. More useful indicators of progress might include reflecting on: what you are learning, the level of power and influence sleep has over your actions, and the consistency of your ongoing practice
Thanks for sharing your awareness that good sleep doesn’t guarantee a good day, just as difficult sleep doesn’t guarantee a difficult day! So much goes into how our days go — sleep is probably one of them, but there is a lot more! Perhaps our actions have the most influence?
It sounds as though you are also giving yourself permission to experience the full range of human thoughts and feelings. That’s a wonderful act of self-kindness and can also help reduce your resistance to them — something that can make them more difficult. As you pointed out, acknowledgement tells your brain that you are listening — so perhaps it doesn’t have to yell quite so loud
I love the post-it note on your nightstand — “stay consistent, stay committed”. That truly is what counts, and it’s something you can control!
Thank you for sharing your progress and congratulations on getting off the medication!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult and it’s not unique or unusual.
After a difficult night, there’s more sleep drive to help overpower any arousal that might be present. After a better night, there’s less sleep drive — so if you are putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen, putting effort into making sleep happen, trying to fight or avoid any thoughts and feelings that might show up, then sleep is less likely to happen and struggle becomes even more likely.
Does this explanation help with any confusion? How do you respond to those difficult nights as they happen, and what problem are you trying to solve with that response?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Relating to the experiences of others can help remind you that you aren’t alone and can be a great way to practice some self-kindness, too!
If you feel it might be useful to give sleep less of your focus and attention during the night, alternatives might include activities that you find enriching, pleasant, or enjoyable. This might be something that’s aligned with your hobbies, interests, or values.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think I’d agree with that @Romans — it’s the intent behind our actions that matters!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you are now taking a far more natural and effortless approach to sleep, which also creates better conditions for sleep!
As you shared, you will still have difficult nights from time to time — they come with being a human being! — but they now have far less power and influence over your life.
Similarly, as you struggle less with anxiety it becomes less powerful and less influential when it shows up (which it will always do from time to time since anxiety is a natural and normal human emotion!).
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best for the future!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are a fantastic self-advocate and your growth mindset meant that you didn’t give up when you realized CBT-I wasn’t an approach that clicked for you!
Your commitment to a new approach based on acceptance and your conscious effort to notice and acknowledge the glimmers and the presence of good stuff (no matter how small) motivated you to keep moving forward.
I would agree that this really is a journey of self-discovery. Your willingness to explore it as such and to take everything as a learning experience no doubt contributed to the progress you are sharing with us.
I wish you all the best for the future and thank you for sharing your transformation!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Your willingness to practice and commit to a new approach set you up for success, @Ros! As you shared, this approach doesn’t immediately create (or guarantee) perfect sleep every night — but it does reduce the struggle, keep you moving toward the life you want to live, and, as a bonus, it creates significantly better conditions for sleep to happen!
You are clearly struggling far less with difficult thoughts and feelings such as anxiety and, as a result, they are losing their power and influence over you. You are better able to live the life you want to live.
All these results are a result of your own commitment to change and your commitment to ongoing, meaningful, and workable practice. Thank you for sharing
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What you’ve both shared here is difficult — and what you’ve both shared here is not unique or unusual. It’s all part of the insomnia struggle, which can probably be distilled down to this: the more we try to make sleep happen the more we struggle with sleep.
@NOOR — As you have chased after sleep (completely understandably, by the way!) it seems you have no real sleep schedule; you are in bed until noon, or 2:00 PM and that makes it so much harder for your sleep to do what it wants to do (take care of itself).Similarly, as you have tried to (again, understandably!) fight or avoid anxiety you have found the anxiety gets even more powerful and even more difficult.
Reading can be a more useful alternative compared to battling away, going to war with being awake and going to war with difficult thoughts and difficult feelings. It’s not going to make sleep happen, though (but not being at war might mean that conditions for sleep are a bit better!).
“I’ve tried even accepting the situation, but even with acceptance, sleep doesn’t come.”
If you are practicing acceptance with the goal of making sleep happen, you aren’t practicing acceptance — you are still trying to make sleep happen. That, as your experience is telling you, is what’s supplying your insomnia with the oxygen it needs to survive.
“I’m utterly perplexed as to what else I can do to restore my sleep to how it used to be.”
There might be an insight here. When sleep was good and wasn’t an issue or a concern, how did you make great sleep happen?
@beckycolorado: Your brain is doing its job of looking out for you. It doesn’t need to protect you from a struggle and battle with wakefulness when you are in your chair reading. However, when you get into bed — a place that’s become a battleground — it’s going to fire up to keep you safe. It has learned to believe that being awake is a threat. It wants to protect you from that threat.Since you recognize this as an obstacle to sleep, like most human beings you are probably going to try to calm your mind or try to fight whatever your brain is doing.
However, this doesn’t work.
Your brain thinks there’s a threat. When you try to fight or ignore all the difficult thoughts and feelings it is generating in an attempt to protect you from that threat, it’s not going to give in — it thinks you are in danger! — instead, it’s going to make all those thoughts and feelings even more intense.
Imagine if you saw a child about to step into a busy street without looking. You yell at them to stop in an attempt to protect them. They ignore you. Do you stop yelling, or do you yell even louder?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @PEPPE and welcome to the forum — you aren’t alone!
I think @hiker offered some really helpful guidance. All I would add is there might be a big insight in your sentence, “I have text book examples of what to do for promote sleep but nothing helps”.
Based on that, it sounds as though your experience is telling you that sleep is out of your control — you cannot make it happen through effort. No matter how hard you try, you continue to struggle with it.
Is there any possibility that the (understandable) effort and ongoing trying might be making things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
“So my goal with the breathing and mindful meditation is to soothe my brain back to a floaty, dreamy state – and to let any thoughts and worries that try to bother me float away instead of crowding in and keeping me up.”
Is there a possibility that practicing breathing and mindful meditation in an attempt to control your brain (turn it into a floaty dreamy state) and/or stop thoughts and worries from showing up might be creating some additional struggle? Does your experience tell you this is a workable approach and how much effort, energy, and attention does that approach require in the middle of the night?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think you are close
As you rightly pointed out, waking is a normal part of sleep.
If we find it hard to fall back to sleep when we wake, then there are a few possible explanations:
1. We don’t need more sleep,
2. We are putting pressure on ourselves to fall back to sleep,
3. We are putting effort into making more sleep happen,
4. We are trying to fight or avoid any difficult thoughts and feelings that might be showing up.You mentioned that you have, “not gone back to sleep despite relaxing accepting things”. This suggests that you might be practicing acceptance (not trying to fight or avoid wakefulness and the thoughts and feelings that can come with it) with the goal of making sleep happen.
If your experience tells you that sleep cannot be controlled through effort, then this might be what’s creating some struggle.
Acceptance is about building skill in experiencing difficult stuff that cannot be controlled with less struggle. Being more of a curious observer rather than an opponent.
The idea being that when we (understandably, by the way!) try to fight or avoid what cannot be controlled, we set ourselves up for a struggle, and all that difficult stuff we are battling becomes even more difficult.
Furthermore, when we are engaged in a war with all these invisible enemies, we are probably less likely to fall asleep!
So, a reminder of the goal of acceptance — choosing not to battle with what’s out of your control — and reframing your goal as ongoing practice to build skill in experiencing this stuff with less struggle might be useful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question — this is a common concern!
My thoughts are this:
If you enjoy reading in bed, I don’t see how it could be a problem. Your own experience tells you that reading in bed doesn’t stop sleep from happening and your own experience tells you that rules and rituals aren’t usually helpful when it comes to sleep!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for your kind words
You clearly have an open and a curious mind and are ready and willing to explore and practice a different approach. Not everyone has those strengths and not everyone is ready for change. Change is hard!
It sounds as though trying to stop thoughts requires a lot of effort, energy, and attention — and, sooner or later, they show up anyway. So, all that effort, energy, and attention is wasted and might also be making the thoughts more difficult when they show up.
An alternative might be to acknowledge your thoughts when they show up. To make space for them to exist. To allow them to come and go as they choose. To observe them rather than fight them.
Your experience tells you that these thoughts are going to show up anyway. How might things be different if you practice building skill in allowing them to come and go without resistance?
PS: You might also replace the word “thoughts” with the word “wakefulness” if you are looking to apply this approach to insomnia, too
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
