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Glad you loved Week 1!
I admire your enthusiasm to keep moving through the course — however, it’s not possible for that to happen.
That’s because consuming information is one thing. Putting it into action and making change happen is where the magic is. Actually using the information and putting it into practice is what matters and is how we make progress.
Therefore, there’s an intentional gap between each section of the course to give you the chance to practice what you are learning.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I know we have communicated privately but for the benefit of anyone in a similar situation, here are a few things to consider:
1. Difficult nights (especially after a long stretch of better nights) can be frustrating and disappointing and can generate lots of difficult thoughts and feelings. It can be helpful to acknowledge that this feels difficult because it is difficult.
2. Since sleep cannot be controlled, it might not be helpful to measure progress based on how we sleep from night to night. A more useful measure of progress might involve things we can control — our actions. How are we acting toward sleep and in response to difficult nights? Are we engaged in actions and building skills that help us deal with this difficult stuff in a workable way? If so, that’s progress!
3. Acknowledgement isn’t supposed to change our thoughts or feelings. Instead, it’s supposed to help us build skill in experiencing them with less struggle. When there’s less struggle, they consume less of our attention, lose their power and influence, and we are better able to engage in the world around us regardless of whether they are present or not. If our goal is to change or eliminate our thoughts and feelings, we’re going to continue to struggle.
4. Please never forget or gloss over the importance of self-kindness. Be kind to yourself when things are hard — and try to acknowledge the presence of any bright spots or insights. When things are particularly difficult, there’s often a lot we can learn — and we can use what we learn to keep moving forward.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing, Rosa! It sounds as though you have found it particularly helpful to be kinder to yourself and to put less pressure on yourself to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen.
As you pointed out, you now have tools and skills that will be with you forever — so you always know how you can respond to difficult nights and the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with (and after!) them in a workable way any time in the future 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear about the ulcer, @dorsalis_pedis — many people can trace the start of their insomnia struggle to a medical issue since they often come with lots of difficult thoughts and feelings and sleep disruption.
Those things can then pull us into efforts to fight or avoid and, before we know it, we are in the vicious cycle of struggle.
Any questions about medication should be answered by your prescribing doctor. Is trying to sleep without Ambien and then taking it when sleep doesn’t happen a strategy that seems to be helping you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Saralili and thanks for the great question!
The content of the course is the same, regardless of whether you choose the self-coaching or the 1-on-1 email coaching access option.
The difference is that with the 1-on-1 option, you get eight weeks of unlimited email access to me so you can reach out any time you have a question or a concern, any time you think you might benefit from some additional coaching or support, any time you want to explore a specific challenge or issue.
In other words, with the 1-on-1 option you get to work through the course with me by your side.
Does this answer your question?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I appreciate your ongoing openness and willingness to continue exploring this! Your honest communication is a reflection of your growth mindset 🙂
If your goal with the AWAKE exercise is to calm your mind down a bit, or to make relaxation or sleep happen, that might be where you are getting a bit tangled up — as you know from experience, you cannot directly or permanently control your mind (or your sleep). The more you try, the more you can set yourself up for a struggle.
The goal of the AWAKE exercise is to practice building skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with being awake with less struggle. Being more of a curious observer rather than an opponent. If you use the exercise in an effort to change your thoughts or feelings or to make sleep happen, you probably aren’t going to get much from it.
It sure is hard to do things that are aligned with your values and goals after difficult nights and when difficult thoughts and feelings show up during the day — no doubt about it! And yet, you did it! What strengths did you draw upon to make that happen and what did you learn from continuing to do things that matter to you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s so much great stuff here!
The big insight that seems to have emerged from this discussion is control. When we stop trying to control what cannot be controlled — when we acknowledge and observe instead of battle — things might start to get a bit easier 🙂
And yes, every night IS a fresh start!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @edlung — and good on you for continuing to practice the tools shared in the course. You mentioned you are getting better and better and accepting wakefulness at night — can you share a bit more about that? When you are accepting wakefulness, what are you doing and how is that different to what you were doing before? How is acceptance benefitting you?
As you know from experience, sleep cannot be controlled. What makes sleep more difficult is trying. Putting effort into it. Putting pressure on ourselves to make it happen. Having goals related to sleep (such as falling asleep within x amount of time, getting x amount of sleep, not waking during the night, etc).
For as long as our focus remains on trying to achieve a certain amount or type of sleep, things might continue to be difficult — even as we practice acceptance of wakefulness. And, that’s because, deep down, we are still trying to control sleep.
Finally, I will add that many people find their relationship with sleep changes before their actual sleep changes. They become more comfortable with being awake before they notice sleep itself changing.
I hope there might be something useful here and I appreciate your openness and curiosity!
PS: Thanks, Dan, for sharing your thoughts on sleepiness vs fatigue! That’s a great point since it’s so easy to go to bed when we are fatigued rather than sleepy and that can set us up for frustration and struggle 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Struggle doesn’t magically disappear — we’re going to get drawn into the struggle from time to time. It’s a well-trodden path and can often feel almost automatic — difficult thoughts/feelings show up, we are awake when we don’t want to be, and we respond by battling. It feels like battling is action. I guess it is, in a way — but it’s not really workable action because it’s a battle we’re always going to lose.
So, what matters is ongoing practice. Accepting that we’re going to get drawn back into the struggle (sometimes over and over again) and, when that happens, being kind to ourselves and kindly bringing ourselves back to being an observer rather than an opponent.
As we become more accepting of our thoughts and feelings, we might notice more thoughts and feelings show up because we aren’t trying to dam the river of thoughts any more — we’re letting that river flow without resistance!
Ultimately, thoughts and feelings themselves aren’t really the problem — it’s how we respond to them that can make them a problem!
I hope this helps, and appreciate the supportive words and experience shared by @SCTwo and @Packer-Fan!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Since sleep is completely out of your control and since we cannot predict the future, there’s no answer to your question.
What matters is how you respond to being awake, how you respond to the difficult thoughts and feelings that show up, and what you do each day. All those things are in your control and all of those things determine whether you move toward the life you want to live or away from the life you want to live.
If wakefulness isn’t a struggle, if thoughts and feelings don’t pull you away from where you are or what you want to do, if you do things that are aligned with your values and move you toward the life you want to live each day, perhaps it doesn’t matter all that much how “good” or “bad” your sleep is from night to night?
And, if your goal is to fall back to sleep when you wake, perhaps that might be something that’s setting you up for a bit of a struggle and creating a bit of an obstacle?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think we are probably hard-wired to instinctively resist difficult thoughts and feelings. So, responding in a different way is hard and requires ongoing practice. And, since it’s hard, when it feels hard it might be helpful to be kind to yourself rather than hard on yourself 🙂
Good on you for continuing to practice and continuing to put the work in! You are demonstrating strengths of commitment, determination, and resilience.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Being a “health nut” is a strength and a reflection of your values of health, personal growth, and self-advocacy.
As you pointed out, so many things in life respond well to effort. We can eat in a certain way or exercise in a certain way to change the appearance and capabilities of our body. However, we cannot control our sleep in the same way! We can give it the opportunity to happen, but that’s about it! Simply being aware of the fact that sleep cannot be controlled is a big insight that can be so helpful 🙂
Thanks for sharing that you like the lack of “rules” — it’s perfectly fine to read in bed, to watch TV, to do whatever you want. Sleep doesn’t care about any of that stuff! What matters is doing things that matter to you. Things you care about, independently of sleep.
The fact you are exploring the possibility that letting go of trying to control sleep might reveal hidden talents is evidence of your growth mindset and your awareness and understanding that you are always growing, developing, and changing — even in the presence of challenge, difficultly, and adversity.
When our focus shifts away from sleep, it’s amazing how much mental energy, capacity, and capability we can free up!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for attending all the events and meetings on your trip, independently of sleep. I am sure that was not easy! Your strengths of determination, tenacity, persistence, and commitment all shined through and supported you with that committed action.
Travel can make sleep more difficult, as can perhaps billions of other things that come with living a rich and meaningful life. And, concern about sleep is easily identified as the source of struggle (and sometimes perhaps it is).
Often, the true source of struggle is our intervention or involvement in the process of sleep — the pressure we might put on ourselves to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the effort we might put into sleep, the attempts to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings that might show up with (or after) nighttime wakefulness.
It’s great to hear the you used some of the tools from the course — practice is what matters. Taking action.
You said they came with limited success. Just so we are clear, when you practiced the AWAKE exercise, what was your goal or intent? If it was more successful, what would have been different?
When you practiced acting in alignment with your values, what was your goal or intent? If it was more successful, what would have been different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs are natural and normal and are part of progress (and being a human being). What matters is how you respond to difficult nights. What do you think is the most workable way to respond, based on your experience and based on what you’ve explored (and practiced) in the course so far?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello edlung — and thank you for chiming in Packer Fan 🙂
It can be very frustrating how the mind and body seems to want to work against us so much of the time! And yet, the mind and body is never intentionally working against us. It’s working for us. Looking out for us. Trying its best to keep us alive, safe, and doing what matters.
It sounds as though your mind is firing up all systems in an effort to protect you from what the night might bring. That makes sense since it’s something that has created a struggle for so long — so your mind sees it as a threat and is doing its job of looking out for you and preparing you for battle.
Just as your brain learned that night is a threat and it needs to activate action stations to protect you as night approaches, it can also learn that night is not a threat and that it doesn’t need to activate action stations to keep you safe.
How might you practice that retraining, do you think?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
