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Thank you so much for sharing — I have no doubt that many people will identify with going through all that unpleasant wakefulness and developing the worrying belief that something might be very wrong with their sleep system.
The good news is that there are things we can do to help set the stage for sleep and get all the biological mechanisms for sleep on our side — and that’s just what you did, Lynn!
As you pointed out, there are often ups and downs on this journey and few people make linear progress — and that’s probably because we cannot directly control sleep. However, if we deliberately avoid the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption, insomnia can never win over the long-term!
Since you are now, ultimately, armed with a toolbox of skills that will be with you for life, you know exactly what to do should sleep issues ever return in the future. And, since you are continuing to create the best conditions for sleep, you are continuing to experience improvements in your sleep even though we are no longer working together.
You are now your own coach, Lynn! Thanks again for sharing your story.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Frima!
Recognizing the difference between fatigue and sleepiness can be a real gamechanger because it’s so easy to confuse the two sensations! Fatigue doesn’t usually lead to sleep, but sleepiness sure does! When we build sleep drive we can rediscover the power (and sensation) of sleepiness and that can be really reassuring (not to mention really helpful for sleep)!
Identifying and exploring sleep-related thoughts that can increase arousal and perpetuate sleep disruption can be so helpful, too — you got results because of your own efforts and your own natural ability to sleep, Frima!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your transformation, Linda! As you pointed out, in the short-term making these changes can be really challenging, especially when results don’t seem to appear as quickly (or as consistently) as we might like!
However, if we remain committed and consistent, results will happen — just as you experienced!
I also appreciate you mentioning that you had some difficult nights a few weeks ago, since temporary sleep disruption is a part of life! What determines how long those difficult nights stick around for is how we react to them — and it sounds as though you used your new skills perfectly and reacted perfectly. As a result, your sleep got right back on track!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, “Sleepy Sally” — and thank you for sharing those positive insights! From your post, we can tell that:
1. Pills don’t seem to be generating sleep (if they were, you wouldn’t be here!)
2. You can sleep without medication
3. You do not need medication to sleepSo, now the issue just becomes how do we strengthen your natural ability to sleep so there’s no longer any temptation to reach for a pill that you know from experience isn’t going to be helpful over the long-term?
Ultimately, I think the answer could very well lie in implementing evidence-based cognitive and behavioral techniques that address the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption.
We cannot control sleep, but we can control our sleep-related thoughts and behaviors in a way that builds sleep drive, strengthens the body clock, and lowers arousal. When we do this, insomnia cannot survive for long because we starve it of the ingredients it needs to survive.
Even after 30 or 40 years of insomnia, you can sleep well again — Sally had insomnia for 60 years and is now doing great. If Sally can do it, you can, too!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The great thing about microsleeps is that they’re evidence of sleep drive — they’re proof that your body can sleep and wants to sleep!
A microsleep of a few seconds or minutes is unlikely to have a significant impact on sleep drive, but they can add up and so are often best avoided if at all possible. Often, if we can recognize the circumstances in which these microsleeps tend to occur (I tend to find they happen in clients when they’re sitting on the couch, watching TV, or reading) and make a change, this can reduce the likelihood of them occurring.
Often, any kind of movement can be helpful — I know a previous client would go for a short walk in the evening whenever he thought those microsleeps might happen.
Here’s a short video about microsleeps that might be useful: How microsleeps influence sleep drive and what you can do about them when you have chronic insomnia.
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The great news here is that the fact you fall asleep just fine on your couch downstairs while watching TV proves that you can sleep!
So, with this in mind, why does sleep seem so much more difficult when you are in bed? The answer could be conditioned arousal. In other words, you might have learned (through repeatedly experiencing unpleasant wakefulness in bed) that the bed is an unpleasant place to be and isn’t a place for sleep.
Since this association has been learned, it can also be “unlearned” — and we can do that by sleeping only in bed (not on the couch!) and only being in bed when we are asleep or when conditions are right for sleep.
So, any time you are in bed and being in bed doesn’t feel good, it can be helpful to get out of bed and do something relaxing and enjoyable until you feel conditions are right for sleep. Then, return to bed and repeat the process!
Waking during the night is actually a normal part of sleep, so nighttime awakenings themselves aren’t unusual. If you start to worry about them, though, that can definitely make falling back to sleep more difficult!
If we wake during the night and find it hard to fall back to sleep then this means that either there’s not enough sleep drive present to help us fall back to sleep (in other words, we weren’t awake for long enough before going to bed) and/or our arousal system is overpowering sleep drive.
Getting out of bed when being in bed doesn’t feel good, and allotting an appropriate amount of time for sleep can help build sleep drive and lower arousal (particularly conditioned arousal).
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I sense that you’re really close to a breakthrough moment, Ines_I, because you have managed to get so close to proving to yourself that you have a natural ability to sleep by giving a sleep window a try to build more sleep drive.
The fact of the matter is, sleep drive ALWAYS wins in the end! When we’ve been awake for long enough, we will always sleep. It’s impossible to remain awake indefinitely.
So, if we allot an appropriate amount of time for sleep and only allow ourselves to sleep during that sleep window, that is when — sooner or later — we will sleep.
After two nights of around half-hour of sleep, sleep drive is going to be very strong indeed. So, I have a very strong feeling that the sleep you got after taking a pill on that third night was sleep that occurred because of your intense biological sleep drive (rather than the pill itself). On that note, if sleeping pills actually worked, you probably wouldn’t be posting in this forum!
From reading your post, it certainly sounds as though arousal is your main challenge at the current time. The good news is, there are many things we can do to reduce that arousal and create better conditions for sleep!
A few things that might be helpful to start with include adding some “good stuff” to your days so they aren’t consumed with endless thinking and worrying about sleep (this also helps you explore the accuracy of the belief that a difficult night of sleep leads to the day being 100% awful, 100% of the time), remaining active during the day (this also helps lower fatigue), implementing a sleep window to reduce the opportunity for extended nighttime wakefulness, and getting out of bed to do something a bit more enjoyable whenever being in bed doesn’t feel good.
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear about your sleep difficulties over the past couple of months, vmr. When do you usually go to bed at night, when do you get out of bed to start your day, and roughly how many hours of sleep would you say you get on an average night?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I usually suggest getting out of bed whenever being in bed doesn’t feel good — this gives you the opportunity to do something a bit more pleasant than staying in bed and it prevents you from reinforcing a negative association between your bed and unpleasant wakefulness.
When you return to bed, you might allow yourself to remain in bed for as long as it feels good to be in bed. If and when it doesn’t feel good to be in bed, you might then get out of bed again!
If you wake during the night and find it hard to fall back to sleep, this suggests that there isn’t enough sleep drive present to help you fall back to sleep (you weren’t awake for long enough before going to bed) and/or your arousal system is suppressing sleep drive.
Two basic behavioral changes that can be a good starting point:
1. We can build sleep drive by implementing an appropriate sleep window.
2. We can lower arousal by getting out of bed when being in bed doesn’t feel good.I hope this helps you get started on the road to better sleep!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The great thing about sleep drive (which builds with every minute of wakefulness) is that it always wins in the end — we cannot stay awake indefinitely! So, if you only allow yourself to sleep in your new home, then that is where you will (sooner or later) start to sleep!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
OK, Ladydi — two sleep issues here, one down (sleep apnea) and just one to go (insomnia)! Have you looked into cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I)? It’s recognized as being far more effective than sleeping pills over the long-term because CBT-I is a collection of techniques that help address the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption (something no medication can do)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, johnobri — I am sorry to hear about your ongoing difficulties with sleep.
You said that you are unable to function the day after a difficult night — can you tell us a bit more about that? I am guessing you are able to function to at least some basic degree since you’re still here and you were able to make this post. So, I wonder if there might be some things you could do during the days following difficult nights to make them a bit more tolerable and even a bit more enjoyable?
Have you asked your doctor if they think you’d be a good candidate for cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I am sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through, STARR. Unfortunately, night terrors are not my area of expertise. It’s good to know that you sought medical advice and I wish you all the best for the future.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you’ve tried all the standard run-of-the-mill tips that — unfortunately — don’t usually work very well, stanh!
Have you looked into cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) techniques? They are often more helpful for addressing sleep disruption that has been present for longer than a few months since they tackle the sleep-related thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption.
I think it can also be helpful to recognize that it’s normal for sleep to be disrupted at times like this! Here’s a short video I recorded that you might find relevant and helpful: What to do when stress, worry, and uncertainty lead to sleep disruption and insomnia.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you are very clear on the initial cause of your sleep disruption and it’s good to hear that you noticed improvements in your sleep when you tried CBT-I since that means you were able to successfully tackle the thoughts and behaviors that often perpetuate sleep disruption.
One thing that I think it’s important to stress (and recognize) is that it’s impossible to experience a great night of sleep every single night. Our sleep is very sensitive to our overall sense of wellbeing so it’s completely normal to experience temporary sleep disruption at times of stress, worry, anxiety, or uncertainty.
The less we are able to react to that disruption, and the better able we are to avoid trying to compensate for lost sleep, modifying our lives in response, or putting effort into sleep, the easier it is for our sleep to recover when the initial trigger is no longer relevant.
It could very well be the ongoing investigation and wondering why you are awake at 3:00 AM, and perhaps even the very understandable desire to want to sleep, that could be increasing arousal and making sleep a bit more difficult.
I am so encouraged that you are engaged in so many positive behaviors — things like not napping during the day and only going to bed when you are sleepy (this is different to being tired/fatigued) really help build sleep drive and improve the conditions for sleep to happen. Getting out of bed at the same time each day is also very helpful!
I wonder if there might be anything you can do to make the nights a bit less long and a bit less miserable, since that seems to be a big (and understandable!) trigger for sleep-related worry. If we can make the nights a bit more pleasant, independently of sleep, perhaps that might help lower that anxiety (and create better conditions for sleep, too).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
