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At times like this it can be helpful to reflect on (and remind ourselves of) what we can control.
If our experience tells us that we cannot control our thoughts and feelings — if it’s impossible to permanently delete them through effort, then perhaps we need to focus our efforts on what we can control. Actions. How we respond to our thoughts and feelings.
And, when it comes to measuring progress, perhaps it’s helpful to do that based on what we can control, too.
So, instead of measuring progress based on what we are thinking and feeling, perhaps we measure progress based on the action-based practice we are getting in. The times we are doing what matters, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. The times we are practicing and building skill in acknowledging thoughts and feelings and observing them instead of battling and struggle with them. The times we are being kind to ourselves, rather than hard on ourselves.
In other words, for as long as we practice, we make progress. Practice is progress.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Rozey — thank you for sharing and it is so good to see all the support being offered by others here 🙂
First of all: Good on you for continuing to live by your values — that’s a reflection of your strengths of tenacity, determination, and resilience.
Difficult nights and ups and downs are natural and normal. They come with being a human being and they should be expected. Of course, that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to feel discouraging when they happen and your problem-solving brain is going to respond by generating all kinds of thoughts and feelings and stories (it’s usually a big fan of “what if” stories). Thanks, brain!
Since your brain is only doing its job there’s not a lot you can do about that. However, you always get to choose how you respond. And, by continuing to live by your values you are responding in a workable way.
Make sure you are also being kind to yourself when things feel difficult. Acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling, and continue to act in ways that keep you moving toward the life you want to live.
For as long as you continue to do that, all this stuff will lose its power and influence over your life. And, as it loses its power and influence it will consume less of your energy and attention and it’ll often become less noticeable and might even show up less often.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for continuing to practice the AWAKE exercise when uncomfortable body sensations show up. What is your goal or intent when you get that practice in?
As you have experienced, difficult thoughts and feelings are going to show up. You don’t need to be “OK” with that — you simply have a choice of what to do when they show up.
You can battle with them as you try to get rid of them (and that just makes them stronger and more difficult, as you shared) or you can acknowledge them, allow them to come and go as they choose (even though you might rather they weren’t present at all), be more of an observer of them, be kind to yourself, and practice experiencing them with less struggle.
Which approach feels most workable to you? Is there an alternative to these two options (and if so, what is it)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that awareness — it’s interesting how our mindset and intention can change as soon as bedtime approaches and how that change can set us up for a struggle. Thanks to the awareness you shared, you now have a greater opportunity to respond differently.
I think you shared a big insight that all your attempts to fight or avoid thoughts and feelings don’t permanently eliminate those thoughts and feelings. So, an approach of “fight or avoid” might be a bit of a waste of your energy and attention — and might also pull you away from meaningful actions that reflect who you are and the life you want to live.
Thanks to your own willingness to explore this with a curious mind and to experiment with making some changes, you have noticed that acceptance can lead to less struggle since you are no longer responding by going to war with your mind or with being awake. As a bonus side-effect, this often creates better conditions for sleep to happen, too 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @Bsue — and good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise and the 3 Good Things exercise! You are making change happen by taking action!
Many people find the AWAKE exercise difficult and clunky at first — there’s a lot there and a lot to remember (and play around with)! As with any skill, it tends to get a bit easier with ongoing practice. As you shared, the AWAKE exercise is aligned in many ways with meditation — acknowledging and observing rather than controlling and battling.
In what ways is the 3 Good Things exercise proving to be positive for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though sleep meds don’t make you feel good, come with side-effects, and the action of taking them isn’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be. It also sounds as though they generate more anxiety and worry.
What’s good about continuing to take medication? What would be bad about moving away from medication? Upon reflection, what do you feel you’d like to do with the medication and how will you make that happen?
If sleep is a concern, your problem-solving mind is going to generate thoughts about it. That’s its job. And, with difficult thoughts often come difficult feelings and bodily sensations (although if you are concerned about chest tightness I would encourage you to get that checked out by a doctor).
Since this stuff doesn’t feel good, we are naturally inclined to try to get rid of these thoughts and feelings — which makes complete sense. And yet, that often draws us into a struggle that makes things more difficult and consumes more of our energy and attention. What might things be like if thoughts and feelings could come and go as they pleased, without them creating such a struggle?
We’ll be exploring this in more detail in Week 2 — but, in the meantime, have you tried responding to these thoughts with an acknowledgement (rather than starting a battle) and perhaps even thanking your brain for looking out for you (thanks, brain!)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are definitely not a failure — you are clearly a great self-advocate for yourself and you demonstrate great awareness of who you are and who you want to be.
You are taking medication and supplements because you feel that’s right for you — and you are the expert on you.
Many people who are taking medication or supplements (but don’t want to be) find that working through this course and committing to behavioral change gives them alternative options and more confidence to start moving away from medication and supplements when they are ready to do so.
As suggested by @hiker, it’s important not to make any changes to your medication without talking to your doctor first (as I am sure you are very aware off, as a retired nurse)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Setting an alarm clock can be helpful — otherwise, how will you be sure to get out of bed by the end of your sleep window while also not checking the time during your sleep window?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question! I would suggest calculating a sleep window based on how you are currently sleeping, regardless of whether you are taking medication or not. And, starting with the time you want to be getting out of bed to start your day can be helpful.
Remember that you don’t calculate a sleep window based on the sleep you want to be getting — it’s based on the sleep you are currently getting.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Where you sleep is completely up to you! You might ask yourself this — is sleeping on the couch an action that reflects who you are, who you want to be, and is it an action that moves you closer to the life you want to live? If yes — great! If not, why continue to pursue such an action?
Bonus question: Is avoidance of wakefulness a workable long-term strategy?
PS: If you can sleep on the couch then you can sleep anywhere else, if that’s what you choose to do!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Your honest introspection, awareness, and desire and willingness to learn are all strengths that will serve you well as you continue to work through the course and practice what you’ll be exploring here 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It seems that naps might influence your sleep at night and they might not. Of course, daytime sleep can reduce sleep drive and that will be less of an issue the earlier a nap is taken and the shorter it is in length. So, with all this in mind, perhaps in connection to sleep at night, daytime naps might be “neutral”.
What about when it comes to living the life you want to live? Do you have to say “no” to things that move you toward the life you want to live in order to say “yes” to a nap? In other words, does napping move you closer to the life you want to live or further away from the life you want to live?
As you might be realizing, there’s no clear and universal answer to whether naps are “good” or “bad” here. What matters most is your intent — what you are trying to achieve and how workable that is as a goal.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @Gdurity — I hope you are able to give yourself credit for continuing to do things that matter, even after a really rough night and even in the presence of frustration and anxiety.
Your commitment to engage in actions that serve YOU (rather than the insomnia gremlin) enabled you to keep moving toward your goals. It sure sounds as though going on the hike was more life enriching than the alternative of staying home and, as you shared, you have proven to yourself that you can act independently of whatever your problem-solving mind might be saying (so there’s no need to fight those thoughts or stories).
You definitely are not alone and you definitely are not broken. You are a human being and you are reclaiming your life from insomnia!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s an interesting idea, @Rozey — I think that could be a helpful way to practice making space for thoughts and feelings to be present with less resistance and help you identify (and be more comfortable with) certain thoughts and feelings. You are playing around with — and allowing yourself to experience — the full range of natural and normal human thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
@lizzyc — for as long as your (understandable!) intent is to get the buzz to dissipate, get rid of frustration, get rid of anxiety, or make sleep happen you will probably continue to find things difficult since (as your experience tells you) those things cannot be controlled through effort.Making space means reducing resistance, moving away from battling, moving away from fighting, dropping that “tug of war” rope, being more of a curious observer, giving permission for thoughts and feelings to come and go (especially since they’ll do that as they choose anyway).
The less space we give our thoughts and feelings, the more likely they are to get stuck. Has that been your experience?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great questions!
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep. It’s perfectly OK to stay in bed until your sleep window ends — especially if you are finding that to be relaxing and comfortable!
If you were to shorten your sleep window, what would your goal or intent be? If it’s to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen you might be using the sleep window as a sleep effort — and, typically, the more effort we put into sleep (the more we try to control it) the more we are going to struggle with it. Has that been your experience?
A desire for 6.5 hours of sleep is understandable — and you aren’t feeling tired during the day and you are consistently getting around 5.5 hours of sleep and you cannot control sleep duration. So, what’s the best way to respond to that desire do you think?
Thoughts don’t really wake us up — they are a constant presence. They typically become difficult when we are trying to fight or avoid them. If you aren’t trying to fight or avoid your thoughts then there might not be any need to practice the AWAKE exercise, since there’s no struggle.
There’s no problem with spending time awake in bed — what we really want to do here is move away from trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen (or trying to control our minds) because that’s what creates (and fuels) an ongoing struggle. Sleep works best when we allow it to do whatever it chooses.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
