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If you used to take a book to bed and read until you feel sleepy, what’s stopping you from doing that again? If you feel comfortable with being awake in bed from the time you go to bed to the time you fall asleep, how can it be a problem?
Remember that the sleep window is simply one tool that is intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep. If you feel completely comfortable with the amount of time you spend in bed, there’s no need to change anything. If the amount of time you spend in bed seems to be creating a struggle and making things difficult, that’s when a sleep window might be worth practicing.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Matthew and thanks for sharing that you’ve been completely off the sleep aids, along with the Tylenol/Advil! Why was it important for you to do that?
As you have experienced, difficult nights are going to show up from time to time — just as difficult days are going to show up from time to time. What matters is how we respond because our response determines how much we are going to struggle and the level of power and influence these difficult nights will have over us.
We probably don’t need to work on not associating the bed with wakefulness — after all, many people who don’t pay any attention to sleep read in bed, watch TV in bed, and do many other activities in bed while awake and they sleep just fine. What can be helpful is working on not associating the bed with struggle.
Tossing and turning through the night doesn’t sound pleasant (but perhaps I am wrong — you are the expert on you, after all)! Can you think of an alternative way of responding to nighttime wakefulness that might be a bit more pleasant or a bit more workable compared to tossing and turning? A way that might help you build skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with that with a bit less struggle?
You could always shorten your sleep window if you think that would be helpful — just remember that the goal of the sleep window isn’t to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen (if used in that way, it could create some additional struggle). The real intent with the sleep window is to help you move away from chasing after sleep, trying to make it happen.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though it might come down to this — what action best reflects who you are, who you want to be, and moves you closer to the life you want to live? Playing in concerts or not playing in concerts?
You can control the action of playing in concerts. According to your experience, can you control any of the other stuff that happens inside you (such as thoughts, feelings, sleep itself)?
It might be helpful to use your experience as a guide when questions like this come up — after all, you are the expert on you!
To use the question you posed here about whether or not you should play in the concert, you might reflect on whether you have played a concert after a night of no sleep in the past. If so, what happened? Did that move you closer to the life you want to live and the person you want to be? What did you learn from that experience?
And, you might reflect on whether you withdrew from a concert after a night of no sleep in the past. If so, what happened? Did that move you closer to the life you want to live and the person you want to be? What did you learn from that experience?
If your anxiety is so intense as to cause frequent vomiting, unsteadiness, and trembling, I would suggest seeking help from a licensed healthcare provider — it would be beyond the scope of this course to aim to help you with that.
I would also encourage you to practice being kind to yourself. What you are going through is really difficult and none of it is your fault.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s no need to get out of bed just because you are awake, Hyhan! You might find it helpful to revisit this lesson: What about stimulus control for insomnia?
You mentioned that if I had that magic wand, you would no longer need to struggle at night. At the current time, why do you need to struggle — and how is that working for you?
You also mentioned that if you didn’t feel exhausted and had more energy you would be able to do a lot more things and accomplish more tasks. If you try to do those things and tasks when you feel exhausted — when you try to follow through — what happens? If I saw you trying and being unable to follow through, what would I see happen?
As hiker mentioned, there’s always the opportunity to expand your focus of attention when things are difficult. To make the effort to consciously notice and acknowledge and appreciate and savor the good things that are still present, even when things are difficult.
And, there’s always the opportunity to do small things that matter — things that nudge you a bit closer to the person you want to be and the life you want to live — even if those actions might seem to be miniscule.
And, it’s also helpful (and important) to be kind to yourself when things are difficult too. Things feel difficult when they are difficult.
And, you are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You don’t “need” to do anything, Packer Fan 🙂
Everyone spends time awake in bed — the difference between people who struggle with sleep and the people who do not is that those who do not struggle aren’t trying to make sleep happen when they are awake in bed. They aren’t looking for answers or solutions when they are awake in bed. They aren’t trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong. They don’t try to get rid of wakefulness and they don’t try to control their thoughts and feelings.
Perhaps reframing your goal when you get into bed and seeing it as a time for rest, rather than a time when sleep must happen, might be useful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think there might be an insight here.
Before you go to bed, when you have no intention to sleep, you feel sleepy.
When you go to bed, you lost that sense of sleepiness. Perhaps that’s because — once you go to bed — a change happens. There’s an intention to make sleep happen.
With the intention, you might start to “try” to make sleep happen. You might start putting pressure on yourself to sleep. You might start trying to control your mind; your thoughts, your feelings. With all this effort and trying, sleep is less likely to happen. With all this effort and trying, you need to be more awake to engage in it.
So, perhaps nothing unusual is really going on here. Some questions for you:
1. When you listen to spiritual music, what is your goal? What are you trying to achieve by doing that?
2. When you practice the AWAKE exercise, what is your goal? What are you trying to achieve by doing that?
3. Why are you trying not to get upset? Are you able to permanently delete that feeling through effort — or is that effort perhaps creating a struggle that makes things more difficult?
4. When you find yourself struggling, what are you doing, specifically?—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s great to see that you are putting into practice what you are exploring in the course!
When it comes to sleep, challenging periods happen — just as when it comes to life, challenging periods happen. Life without challenge, without difficulty, without pain, without struggle is impossible!
What matters is how we respond — do we use these periods to build grit, resilience, skill? Do we see them as opportunities for personal growth and development? Do we accept they come with a rich and meaningful life and continue to do what matters?
Or do we withdraw from life, do less, and continue to experience difficulty anyway?
(And which of those two options is the most workable?)
As for the “E” in the AWAKE exercise, if you feel quite comfortable wrapping your head in blankets, perhaps that’s an appropriate way you can practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle?
If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, and it is creating an unpleasant struggle, why do it? Where is that action getting you? How is it working for you?
The activity itself doesn’t need to be “meaningful” but it should probably be something that is better than struggle — something that can help you experience wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that might be showing up with it, with a bit less struggle.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As mentioned by Barbara, if sleeping separately is something that won’t pull you away from who you are and the life you want to live, that’s always an option to consider!
It sounds as though sleeping together is important to you, @bekahmoore1 — and so it might be worth considering what’s in your control here.
You can control the action of sharing a bed — and it sounds as though that would be an action that is aligned with the life you want to live.
You can also control the action of sleeping separately — and it sounds as though that would be an action that is not aligned with the life you want to live. And, since you cannot control sleep through effort and since sleep can happen regardless of where we sleep, perhaps this option might prove to be less workable?
Quite often, it’s not sharing a bed with a partner or having a partner that goes to bed earlier or later, or even having a partner who breathes a certain way or who snores that’s the real issue. It’s our belief that it is (or could be) an issue.
When that belief exists, we are more likely to experience difficult thoughts and feelings when those things happen. Then, we are likely to respond by trying to fight those thoughts and feelings, by trying to make sleep happen, by trying to get rid of wakefulness, and/or by putting pressure on ourselves to sleep. And that is what usually makes things more difficult — our response rather than the “trigger” itself.
Does this make sense? Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
This is great to hear — thanks for sharing! If we take a moment to reflect, I think that many of us can recognize that the more pressure we put on ourselves to make sleep happen, the more difficult things can become. That’s an insight that can really help change things for the better!
Oh, and yes — a sleep window can be difficult to implement, especially in the early days! Good on you for being willing to experiment with curiosity and an open mind!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Nothing unusual here, Becc — it sounds as though you were presented with an opportunity to practice and build skill in experiencing wakefulness and the anxiety and the thoughts and feelings that come with that with less struggle!
Sometimes the “pull” of the struggle can shut off our awareness that an alternative response to struggle is possible — and yet, when that awareness returns, it’s never to late to respond in a different way.
Just as you shared, practice is what matters. Reducing resistance. Being kinder to yourself. Being curious. Being an observer, rather than a fighter.
It sounds as though you are on the right track 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult, Hyhan.
It sounds as though you are getting out of bed when you wake up at night — is that right? If so, why are you getting out of bed? Is that something you find helpful?
Reading at night sounds like a more appealing option compared to tossing and turning, trying to make sleep happen. Reading cannot make sleep happen but it sounds as though it’s a more workable alternative to a nightlong battle.
It sounds as though, understandably, you are still quite attached to making sleep happen — and that, in turn, might be the source of some difficulty. For as long as we might be trying to make sleep happen or trying to avoid wakefulness or trying to fight or avoid the very real and difficult thoughts and feelings associated with this stuff, we might be setting ourselves up for an ongoing struggle.
If I had a magic wand and could give you the exact amount and type of sleep you wanted, how would your life be different? What would you be doing differently? What would you then be able to do that you are unable to do now?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Tim — and it’s great to see the supportive discussion taking place here!
It sounds as though you’ve been finding it really helpful to practice being kinder to yourself and that you are far more flexible when it comes to sleep. You are more focused on actions that matter to you, rather than actions that might involve trying to control sleep. For example, you finish a show because you are enjoying it — rather than turning it off so you can get to bed by a certain time.
In essence, it seems as though you are moving away from trying to control sleep. And, in turn, sleep is having less control over your life.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Tim and thank you so much for sharing! When we are tangled up in the struggle, we can easily believe that “x” is the problem — that as soon as we solve “x”, everything will be solved. And yet, as you have shared, there are countless things that can influence sleep. We cannot accurately predict sleep or draw much from any patterns. And, even if we could, it wouldn’t really serve us well since sleep is out of our direct control!
If your growing awareness suggests there there is actually no predictor or pattern for a good night of sleep, this also means that sleep is still possible, even when “x” is present. You can, for example, still sleep well even in the presence of anxiety and you might also have a difficult night, even when there is no anxiety present.
Giving up those crystal ball predictions can help free up energy and attention to do more of what matters to you. And, giving yourself permission to rest and be comfortable when awake in bed — rather than trying to make sleep happen — sounds a lot more appealing! Not judging or evaluating your sleep each morning also helps expand your focus and might also be a way of being kinder to yourself, too!
It sure sounds as though you are on the right track here and you are clearly picking up many valuable insights. What a reflection of your progress — and that’s entirely down to your own curiosity and willingness to explore (and practice) a new approach to all this stuff.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s great to hear that you’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise — remember that is a tool that is intended to help you build skill in experiencing being awake (and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with being awake) with less struggle. So, it’s not essential to practice it if you are awake and feeling comfortable.
Sleep deprivation is not the same as insomnia. Sleep deprivation is the intentional deprivation of sleep. It’s not giving sleep the opportunity to happen. Insomnia is difficulty with sleep caused by our struggle with sleep — the more we try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the more difficult it becomes.
You asked a great question: Should I just lay there and accept it rather than searching on YouTube for meditations?
My answer would be — what does your experience tell you? Does your experience tell you that searching on YouTube for meditations is an effective way to directly and permanently control your sleep and whatever thoughts and feelings your mind might be generating? Does that approach help you reduce the power and influence sleep has over your life? Does that approach help you better live the life you want to live and be the person you want to be?
@Gdurity also shared some great insights from their own experience. Thank you for that, Gdurity!Ups and downs are natural and normal — we all fell over many times when learning to walk, right? And, even as skilled walkers, every now and then we still trip over! That doesn’t mean we can’t walk. It just means we tripped. Nothing more, nothing less.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise!
You mentioned that so far, after being five days into the second week of the course, you haven’t seen any improvement. That, perhaps, makes sense — it’s very early days, and what matters right now is practice. Practicing a new approach. Consistent, committed practice.
If you were to have seen improvement already, what would be different? From reading your post, it sounds as though you might still be a bit tangled up in trying to make sleep happen — and that might be setting you up for struggle.
If you feel sleepy before going to bed (when there is perhaps no effort or intent to sleep) and then you feel wide awake when you are in bed and when there might be effort or intent to make sleep happen, perhaps there’s an insight there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
