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For as long as we are human beings, experiencing the fight or flight response from time to time is natural and normal.
As @Baukje suggested, it’s something that’s out of our control — and that makes sense since this is a survival mechanism. We don’t want to accidentally switch it off when it’s needed. And, it’s probably better for it to be activated by mistake rather than not get activated when needed!
What might matter most here is how we choose to respond to all those thoughts and feelings we’d rather not experience — because that’s something that’s always within our control.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are the expert on you and there’s no universal tool that is going to be helpful for everyone
You’ve demonstrated resilience and commitment by observing a sleep window for two-and-a-half weeks and getting practice in with the AWAKE exercise (which isn’t intended to control your mind or make sleep happen but help you build skill in experiencing wakefulness and everything that comes with it with less struggle).
If you are using the sleep window in an attempt to make more sleep happen, it’s not going to do anything for you — because, as your experience tells you, sleep is out of your control.
The sleep window is nothing more than a tool that is intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep (the more we chase after sleep the more elusive it can become). What’s probably most important is going to bed when sleepy (or when conditions for sleep feel good) versus going to bed in an attempt to make sleep happen, and maintaining a reasonably consistent out of bed time in the morning.
When you go out for drinks with friends you nearly always sleep. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. Alcohol can help us fall asleep and as the body process it, it can act as a stimulant, making sleep more difficult later at night. Sleep is possible regardless of what we’re thinking or feeling but it can become a lot more difficult if we try to control what we are thinking or feeling.
What is your current average nightly sleep duration? It sounds as though your sleep window starts at 11:30 PM. What time does it end? And, how did you choose those start and end times?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s totally natural and normal to wonder if or when you’ll fall asleep — and, since the brain is always churning out thoughts 24 hours a day, these thoughts don’t block sleep from happening.
What can make thoughts more difficult (and more of an obstacle to sleep) is trying to fight, avoid, or otherwise control them. That requires a lot of engagement, mental energy, and it “ups the stakes”. Many people find their thoughts only push back harder when they try to push them away.
You experienced an insight when you set the goal as rest and noticed sleep took care of itself. However, as soon as this became labeled as a way to make sleep happen (secretly, rest was no longer the goal — the goal became sleep) sleep started to become a struggle again. True surrender, as described by @Ingis is a genuine willingness to let sleep come whenever it comes and to do whatever it does. This usually takes ongoing practice!
You are learning a lot on your journey, @Gailness. And, for as long as you practice change and learn from what you are doing, you’ll always be moving closer to where you want to be!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are taking the ideas shared in the course and making them your own. You are experimenting, playing around with what you are learning, and coming up with a way forward that works for you!
The statements you shared remind you of what matters to you, even when difficult stuff is present. They encourage you to take meaningful action. Thank you so much for sharing!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are focused on maintaining control over what you choose to do each day, independently of sleep. Your experience tells you that sleep is out of your direct control. You can, however, always control your actions and they determine how good (or poor) conditions for sleep are going to be, and whether you move closer to (or further from) the life you want to live.
How are you currently struggling, Petar and what kind of thoughts are you looking for?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for clarifying!
So, it sounds as though you are averaging about five hours of sleep each night, while allotting seven hours for sleep each night.
When you wake before your sleep window ends, how do you respond?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks to your growth mindset and strength of self-reflection you recognize that the journey you have been on has contributed to your development, knowledge, and growth. And, that recognition has only been possible because of your willingness to commit to action!
You have clearly learned a lot and you have developed skills in self-kindness, acceptance, and acting in ways that are aligned with your values. You are setting boundaries and doing more of what matters. As your focus of attention shifts away from sleep you are noticing that it is improving and better able to take care of itself, too.
You are rightly feeling proud of how far you’ve come. You, and everyone on this journey, are the true inspiration. I offer knowledge and guidance but it’s down to each individual to put in the work and make change happen.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best with your ongoing practice as you continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Jasmine! Thanks for sharing that your mindset has start to shift and, as a result, you are less likely to battle away all night long and you also have more time to yourself to do things that matter.
You are currently allotting seven hours for sleep at night but I can’t really tell how much sleep you typically get from night to night (going to bed at 8:00 PM and staying awake until midnight or 1:00 AM and then getting out of bed at 2:00 AM implies an absolute maximum of two hours of sleep each and every night).
Coffee at 2:00 AM is unlikely to affect sleep at 8:00 PM (18 hours later), but you are the expert on you! You could always conduct an experiment for a week or two if you think it might be the cause of your sleep issues — that way you might have some more clarity.
Based on what you’ve learned up to this point, what do you feel is the best way for you to move forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are staying committed to meaningful action. You are learning from what you are doing. And, for as long as at least one of those two things exists, you’re always going to be making progress!
You’ve proved to yourself that you can do things that matter, independently of sleep. You’ve learned that you can be remarkably capable and resilient, even after a night where you didn’t sleep as you wanted. You’re also reducing the power and influence sleep and insomnia has over your life.
Thanks for sharing your update and I wish you all the best as you continue to move forward!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are clearly learning from your actions and your strengths of problem-solving, curiosity, and self-reflection are rising to the surface!
Your body is always going to generate, at the very least, the minimum amount of sleep you need. Perhaps ironically, the key to creating the opportunity for more sleep to happen often involves removing all effort and trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen! Sleep isn’t something you do — it’s something that happens to you.
It sounds as though you are refocusing attention on your actions (something you can always control) — and your actions determine how much you might struggle with sleep and the thoughts and feelings associated with sleep and insomnia, and how much power and influence all of this has over your life.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are committing to action, even in the face of adversity. You are also reducing the power and influence that sleep (and insomnia) has over your life and you are expanding the focus of your attention by going out with friends and doing things that matter to you.
It makes complete sense that after several nights where you don’t get the amount or type of sleep you want, you experience a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings. And, because you have a lot of experience with battling with sleep and wakefulness, your brain is going to want to prepare you for a battle at night (and part of that involves temporarily suppressing sleepiness because it doesn’t want you to fall asleep if you’re at war).
Your brain is trying to protect you (thanks, brain!). And, at the same time, preparing you for battle doesn’t help when it comes to sleep, right?
You can’t control your brain but you can always control your actions. With that in mind, what might you be able to do, what might you be able to practice, to help your brain recognize that nighttime isn’t the start of a war? That the bedroom isn’t a battleground? That it doesn’t need to prepare you to fight each night?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sticking with a sleep window even when things are hard is a reflection of your superpowers of commitment and resilience. You are also learning from your commitment to action, too.
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep and so a sleep window cannot (and isn’t intended to) get rid of those awakenings. As you know from experience, sleep cannot be directly controlled. The sleep window is simply a tool that can help you move away from chasing after sleep. If you use it in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, you could be setting yourself up for an ongoing struggle.
Resting in bed or reading sounds like a workable way to respond to that wakefulness. As for whether it’s OK to rest in bed after the sleep window ends on weekends, that’s completely up to you since you are the expert on you! In what ways would that action move you closer to the life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are taking action by implementing a sleep window and getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise. For change to happen, changes usually need to be made! So, you are making progress.
It can be hard to learn a whole lot or draw conclusions from what happens on individual nights. For this reason, I usually suggest not changing the sleep window more often than every week or two.
Remember, too, that the sleep window is not intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — and the AWAKE exercise isn’t intended to make sleep happen or get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings.
The sleep window is simply a tool that’s intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep (something that can make it more difficult).
The AWAKE exercise is intended to help you build skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with it with less struggle — being more of a curious (and kind) observer rather than a bloodthirsty opponent. This is a skill, and as with any skill, it requires ongoing practice and it is going to be hard before it becomes easy.
With all this in mind, what do you feel you should do, @Kan?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There might be a difference between deliberately checking the time throughout the night and just happening to see the time as you listen to a podcast.
Since you are the expert on you, @anushivadas, what does your experience have to offer? Is seeing the time when you listen to podcasts creating a struggle and making things more difficult? If so, what is the opportunity here? If not, what makes it a problem?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What you are going through is difficult. You said you can’t seem to stop obsessing over your sleep. What do you mean by that? If I saw you obsessing over sleep, what would I see you doing? What, if any, changes do you want to make in connection to that?
Your experience seems to be telling you that sleep is beyond your direct control. Your experience also seems to be telling you that the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings (like anxiety) is beyond your direct control.
With that in mind, what’s the most likely outcome for as long as you try to control what is out of your control and what might an alternative way of dealing with all this difficult stuff look like?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
