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Thanks for the great question! If your experience tells you that you can sleep without intentionally relaxing, perhaps that suggests that trying to relax is an approach that might not be needed and might even be making things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great point and you make perfect sense!
The course discourages actions that involve trying to control sleep, trying to make a certain amount of sleep happen, trying to get rid of wakefulness when it shows up, trying to fight or avoid difficult thoughts and feelings — and that’s because our experience usually tells us that none of that stuff can be controlled and actions that are intended to control what cannot be controlled usually create a struggle that makes things more difficult.
So, napping in an effort to chase after sleep can create a struggle. Staying in bed or returning to bed in an attempt to get rid of fatigue can create a struggle. As you said, both those actions can also reduce sleep drive, too.
Any behaviors that repeatedly result in you engaging less in life and doing less of what’s important to you as you try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen or try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings can create more struggle.
(By the way, these are just examples — I make no claim to know your true intent or exact situation and circumstances since only you know that and you are the expert on you!)
To go back to your examples, taking a nap and/or returning to bed for an hour or two might be occasional acts of self-care that don’t pull you away from meaningful actions that help you engage in the world and live the life you want to live. And they are things that many people do — not all the time, but every now and then, right?
People without insomnia who don’t seem to follow any of the “rules” seem to approach sleep with flexibility rather than rigidity. Nothing related to sleep seems to be forbidden. Sleep is effortless and largely inconsequential to them. And so, they might take a nap in the day knowing full well they might not get sleepy until later that night because of it (just like some of us drink a bit too much when we are out having fun, knowing all too well that we won’t feel good the next day). All actions come with trade-offs 🙂
Ultimately, as you know from experience, the more you chase after sleep the more elusive it becomes. And the more rules and rituals we have in relation to sleep, the more likely we might be to get tangled up in a struggle and get pulled away from doing things that help us live the life we want to live.
So, if naps and returning to bed aren’t actions that create a struggle and aren’t actions that pull you away from the life you want to live, how can they be “bad”? If, on the other hand, they are creating a struggle, they are drawing your focus toward sleep and away from doing things that matter, how can they be “good”? And, there’s probably some middle-ground in between, too — since life is rarely black and white!
Does this help any?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard and congratulations on your decision and willingness to explore a new approach. I wish you all the best with the course 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you are responding to the difficult feelings you described (feeling panic, heart racing, etc) in a more flexible way.
Instead of immediately reaching for the battle axe and going to war because the only option is to fight, you now seem to be acknowledging the presence of that stuff and making a bit more space for it to exist (even though you might not want it to!).
It also sounds as though you are drawing on your strength of humor to respond in a different way, too. And, I think reminding yourself that you are not alone is a fantastic example of self-kindness.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Tim!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for clarifying, Jeremy! I am not sure there’s an answer to that once since we can feel tired/fatigued regardless of how we sleep — so I suspect if you asked this question to 100 people you’d get 100 different answers.
Our actions, we can control. What happens inside us, not so much!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! As I think @hiker implied, perhaps it’s not so much the rating or the “ignoring” or the “I don’t care” that is having the most influence here — I suspect it might be the fact you have chosen to respond to the presence of insomnia in a different way.
It sounds as though you’ve found alternative ways to spend your days that helps you to expand your focus, notice more of the good stuff around you, and do things that matter, independently of sleep.
And, really, I think that might be the key to releasing ourselves from the power and influence of insomnia — and when insomnia has no power or influence over our actions, how can it continue to be a significant problem?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for not giving up — it sounds as though you are continuing to get yourself back on track and moving toward where you want to be, even when difficult nights show up. Difficult nights can easily (and often do) pull us back into the old struggle — but it’s never too late to change direction again!
I suspect that for as long as our goal or intent behind any action is to control something that cannot be controlled, we end up setting ourselves up for a struggle and are destined to find that nothing seems to “work”.
As a more light-hearted example — if my goal was to turn the moon into cheese, how would I go about doing that? What would your advice be to me?
If I imagined cheese all day long or tried to stop my mind from thinking about the moon in its current form, would that increase my chances of success?
What if, instead, I acknowledge my desire to turn the moon into cheese. I practice accepting all the thoughts and feelings that show up when the moon is not the hunk of cheese I want it to be. I practice being kind to myself when the moon seems to mock me in its gray rock-like state. And I continue to do things that matter to me, even though the moon is not cheese?
Of course, I would probably have to deal with a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings every time I failed in my attempts to turn the moon into cheese. It takes a lot of effort, after all.
And, I can still have that desire to succeed — but my actions would be focused on things other than trying to control what I know I cannot control. My actions would help me move away from a struggle. I might be better able to live the life I want to live, even though that comes with a lot of difficult stuff.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on getting through the course — now the real practice begins!
It sounds as though you’re finding that the more pressure you put on yourself to sleep (for example, the night before a commitment) the more you find yourself struggling. And you are definitely not alone there!
As you shared, there’s nothing you can do about the thoughts your brain chooses to generate — it’ll generate whatever thoughts it wants to generate! However, you can always control how you respond.
When you have a commitment the next day and experience those natural worries how do you respond to them? When sleep just doesn’t seem to be happening when you want it to happen, how do you respond then?
Finally: How are those responses working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Mark and thanks for sharing where you are at the current time!
It sounds as though you might still be somewhat attached to the idea that you need to feel a certain way in order for sleep to happen. It also sounds as though you might be practicing the AWAKE exercise with the intent of making sleep happen. I wonder if this might be setting you up for some ongoing struggle?
Does your experience tell you that you can directly and permanently control your sleep and your thoughts and feelings through effort?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
This is so powerful — thank you for sharing, Chris!
It sounds as though you are finding that being more aware and being more of an observer of what’s happening inside you is far more workable and useful compared to trying to control, fight, or avoid what’s going on inside you.
As you mentioned, this isn’t always easy to do. It’s often very hard. Sometimes this might even feel impossible — and that’s natural and normal! So, please continue to be kind to yourself, continue to practice, and continue to do what matters 🙂
Progress isn’t about reaching your goals — it’s about taking actions that move you toward them.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Some great self-awareness and curiosity you’ve shared with us there, Kevin — thanks for that! Your experience is not unusual — there’s your problem-solving mind doing its job and looking out for you!
It sounds as though you are practicing building skill in responding to what your mind is doing with a bit less struggle. You seem to be acknowledging what’s happening and thanking your brain for looking out for you — and then you described getting pulled into the struggle by trying to turn it off. That’s an impossible goal, as you know from experience.
How might you practice responding to your mind without trying to switch it off, do you think?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Tyra_vo! It can be so much more difficult to do things that matter after a difficult night — we can feel anxious, distracted, fatigued, stressed, worried, depressed. All the human thoughts and feelings can show up. And yet, there you are doing just that — moving toward the life you want to live, even in the presence of all that difficulty.
You suggested (to a questionable degree of seriousness, I feel!) that one way to deal with this would involve quitting everything to sleep again. Is that something you’ve tried? You said that’s not really a solution — why not?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
@emandk — One sentence in your post really stood out to me: “But I feel it is forbidden now to do something like that”. How helpful are strict sleep-related rules and rituals, according to your own experience? In what ways might they have the potential to create a struggle or pull you away from the life you want to live? What might life (and your relationship with sleep) look like if you were able to approach it with a little more flexibility?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s hard when difficult nights show back up and when all those difficult thoughts and feelings that come with having a human brain show up, too!
Since everyone experiences difficult nights from time to time, I wonder if these are truly “relapses” — what if they’re really just reminders that difficult nights (and difficult thoughts and feelings) will always show up from time to time. Maybe they are also opportunities to practice workable ways of responding?
Of course when this difficult stuff shows up it’s so easy to get pulled back into the old struggle — and yet, everyone posting here seems to have shared their own awareness of that happening (or, at least, the potential of that happening) and are kindly steering themselves back in the direction they want to be heading.
That is perhaps the truest sign of progress!
@emandk — I’m curious to know this: what’s wrong with being bored in the middle of the night?—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What a great example of applying knowledge and context from other aspects of your life and associating it with the struggle that can come from trying to control things that your experience tells you cannot be controlled! That’s some deep level stuff!
Thanks for sharing this perspective — I have no doubt it will prove helpful to many people!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
