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You are definitely not alone — and your experience of feeling sleepy out of bed and not sleepy when you get in bed is quite common.
One idea here — if you feel sleepy (and can fall asleep) when you aren’t intending (or trying) to make sleep happen, what changes once you get into bed?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, Erin — and twins, too! It sounds as though your pregnancy has been a powerful motivator for you to move away from medication and to deal with sleep, difficult nights (and the difficult thoughts and feelings that can show up with them) in a different way.
There are no real rules here because there’s no single action or series of actions that can make sleep happen. What matters most is the intent behind your actions — because whenever your intent is to control something your experience tells you cannot be controlled, you can set yourself up for a struggle.
If your intent when you do something in bed is to make sleep happen, that might create some struggle. If your intent when you do something in bed is simply to experience something you enjoy or find pleasant, then how can that be a bad thing?
We’ll be exploring how to respond to being awake during the night in a lot more detail in Week 2. In the meantime, what can be helpful is to think about what you might be able to do that will help you experience being awake with less struggle — not what you might be able to do to make sleep happen (as you know, trying makes things more difficult).
In other words, how can you make those periods of wakefulness more “constructive”? What could you do instead of putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen, instead of putting effort into sleep, instead of trying to fight or avoid whatever thoughts and feelings might be showing up?
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course, Despina — and congratulations on your little one! It sounds like you’ve been through a tough time of it and one of your superpowers is clearly your growth mindset — your awareness that things can improve, that there’s always something to learn, that life is a journey of personal growth and development. I think you’re going to get a lot out of the course.
Unfortunately, progress is one of those things we cannot control. A trainee pilot probably wants to fly a load of passengers across the world right now — but there’s a lot to get done before that can happen. There’s a lot of ground work to cover. And, there’s probably going to be ups and downs along the way, right? Times when things feel easy and a lot of progress is being made. Times when things feel hard and that no progress is being made.
How does the trainee pilot continue to move closer to her goal when things feel difficult and when progress feels slow or non-existent? She stays committed to actions that keep her moving toward her goal, right? And she does that over and over again.
As your experience tells you, you cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen through effort. The more you try, the more you are likely to struggle — and struggle makes things so much more difficult. It consumes your focus, your energy, and your attention. It can influence your actions and pull you away from the life you want to live.
What matters is approaching sleep and responding to insomnia in workable ways — ways that are within your control (action-based). Ways that move you away from trying to control sleep so you can move toward the life you want to live.
And, as we focus less on sleep and get less tangled up in trying to make it happen it is better able to take care of itself (after all, how did you make great sleep happen a year or so ago — you did nothing, right?).
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best as you work through the course!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Glad you are finding this helpful, Helen! As you mentioned, every time you thank your brain you are reminding yourself that those thoughts and feelings come from a good place — your brain looking out for you.
You are also taking action — you are responding to them. And, your response of “thanks, brain!” can be an alternative to battling away with those thoughts and feelings!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting the practice in! Just as you shared, when we start with noticing and naming (awareness and acknowledgement) we give ourselves space to choose how we want to respond — and those thoughts and feelings can then start to lose their power and influence over our actions.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What a great example of how you might look for any important information your brain might be trying to bring to your attention!
Sometimes it can feel as though our brain is working against us, but that’s never the case — it’s always looking out for us and as it does that it generates difficult and distracting thoughts, feelings, and stories. Some might be true, some might not be true. Some might be important, some might not be important.
And yet, they can often contain reminders of what’s important. Sometimes we can respond to those reminders in helpful ways (sometimes we can do something with that information). Other times we cannot (and in that case, perhaps simply thanking the brain for looking out for us can be the most workable way to respond).
Thanks for sharing!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear about the knee injury — how are you healing up from that?
It makes sense that you worried the injury would make things more difficult, and it would also make sense if the injury did make things more difficult! Life comes with difficult stuff like injuries and our sleep can be quite responsive to things like that!
As you shared, what truly matters most is an ongoing commitment to workable action. Continuing to build skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle — being more of an observer rather than an opponent. Continuing to build skill in experiencing the full range of human thoughts and feelings without trying to fight or avoid them. Continuing to live by your values and continuing to move toward the life you want to live, even in the presence of difficult stuff that’s beyond your control.
It sounds as though you are taking what you are learning from the course and putting it into action in a way that makes sense to you — good on you! You are also learning and growing as you continue to move forward. As you said, that is progress!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Amber!
I think you’ve highlighted what really matters here — the ongoing practice of workable actions.
Skills take time to develop. There will be ups and downs. There will be times when it feels like practice is going well and working. There will be times when it feels like practice isn’t going well and isn’t working. Ongoing practice is really what matters — committing to ongoing, meaningful, workable action.
When we are tangled up in the struggle it can sound ludicrous but moving away from the insomnia struggle truly is a journey and it can contribute to an incredible level of personal growth!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum! Most of the posts in the insomnia success stories forum are from people who went through my course and most of the guests on the Insomnia Coach podcast took one of my courses.
You can also find testimonials and feedback on the Insomnia Coach reviews page.
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you don’t think that driving would be safe, it’s important not to drive.
People with chronic insomnia rarely fall asleep without warning during the day — they’re typically “tired but wired” during the day rather than excessively sleepy. That’s why we don’t usually hear of people with chronic insomnia falling asleep behind the wheel during the day.
If you choose not to drive for safety reasons, I would simply suggest ensuring that you continue to do things that reflect your values — that you commit to actions that keep you moving toward the life you want to live.
The more you do that, the less power and influence sleep/insomnia can have over your life.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As you have experienced, difficult nights come with being a human being — sometimes they can show up quite predictably and other times they seem to show up (and even stick around for a while) for no obvious reason.
What can fuel these difficult nights is how we respond to them. Quite often, when we respond by trying to get rid of them, by trying to make sleep happen, by trying to fight or avoid any of the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with them, we can end up struggling even more — and that, in turn, gives them more oxygen, more power, and more influence.
Before we know it, sleep and insomnia can become the focus of our lives, seem to control our actions and our feelings, and we get pulled further away from the life we want to live the more we try to get things back on track.
Your question is an interesting one. If you don’t feel motivated to practice the strategies you’ve been learning about when things are going well, perhaps it’s not important enough for you to practice them at that time — and there’s nothing wrong with that!
At the same time, when you are sleeping just fine and you are living the life you want to live, maybe there’s no need to practice or do anything different at all?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Stacey 🙂
I know we have communicated separately on this, but for anyone else who might be reading I think you probably came up with the best tip all by yourself — some kind of movement.
When we are sedentary, it’s a lot easier (and more likely) that we’ll fall asleep compared to when we are physically moving. So, moving sitting locations if you want to watch TV can be helpful and, if you are someone who is less interested in watching TV at night then engaging in an activity or hobby that requires some form of movement can be helpful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, Woody! Yes, kids seem to love interrupting our sleep 🙂
Short of giving your son up or having him sleep in another house, there are always going to be times when he wakes you up — that comes with parenting, right? Similarly, parenting comes with a whole load of difficult thoughts and feelings such as worry, anxiety, frustration, and maybe anger, too!
And we accept all that difficult stuff as part of being a parent. It comes with the job — a job that is massively enriching and meaningful.
Sometimes, what can make falling back to sleep more difficult are all our attempts to fall back to sleep. In other words, the more we try, the more we can struggle.
Have you tried reframing your goal once you’ve settled your son as rest, rather than sleep? Perhaps that might help you relieve some of the pressure you might be putting on yourself to make sleep happen and help you move away from putting effort into falling back to sleep — all things that can make sleep more difficult!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though things are really difficult for you right now. Please be kind to yourself during this difficult time. You aren’t alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You definitely aren’t alone — just as you discovered by listening to the podcast!
It sounds as though you are keen to explore an alternative approach to medication — and there is an alternative approach to medication that rests on moving away from (understandably!) trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep and from trying to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia.
As your experience seems to tell you, the more effort you put into sleep the more of a struggle it seems to create. What might things be like without that struggle?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
