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What a traumatic experience — I am sorry you went through that and I am not surprised it generated so many truly difficult (and completely valid and understandable) feelings.
In such circumstances, I would be more surprised if you were sleeping well!
It sounds as though your experience is telling you that putting more effort into sleep (for example by adding more rules and rituals, pills, supplements) isn’t proving to be effective.
So, what might a potentially more effective approach involve? If you reflect on how you approached sleep before this awful experience — when it wasn’t an issue or a concern, is there a difference between then and now? If so, are there any insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, Kylie. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you’ve been experiencing.
It sounds as though medication isn’t proving to be an effective long-term solution for you — and that makes sense, since they don’t really get to the “fuel supply” of insomnia, which is (perhaps ironically) all the effort we put into getting rid of it!
The more we try to fight or avoid insomnia, the more oxygen we give it — it’s a bit like how playground bullies thrive on the attention and the reaction they get.
It sure can feel really confusing when you wake at night and find that more sleep just won’t happen, right? And yet, there’s no mystery to it. If that happens, one (or more) of the following are probably the reason:
1. You aren’t sleepy enough for more sleep.
2. You are putting pressure on yourself to sleep.
3. You are putting effort into making sleep happen.
4. You are trying to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that might be showing up.Do any of those sound relevant to your own experience?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I really appreciate your kind words, thank you! Were there any particular insights or changes you found to be especially helpful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! How are you getting on?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult — and it really does suck, just as you mentioned. You haven’t lost your ability to sleep, though!
It can often seem as though thoughts themselves stop sleep from happening — and yet, sleep can happen regardless of the thoughts our mind generates.
What can make sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid certain thoughts (or feelings) — since that means we are then engaged in a battle with our minds, and how likely is sleep to happen if we are involved in a battle in the middle of the night?
It sounds as though your experience is telling you that you cannot directly or permanently control your thoughts — but luckily you can control how you respond to them when they show up!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Glad to hear things are a better than they used to be! If insomnia sticks around when the initial trigger is no longer present (or relevant) that’s often because of a change in how we approach sleep.
So, if we compare our past approach to sleep when it wasn’t an issue or a concern with our current approach when things are feeling more difficult or complicated we might be able to identify some helpful insights 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Kevin — glad to hear you’re finding the course helpful 🙂
It sounds as though you’ve picked up a couple of key insights already (or perhaps these are things you already knew but might be worth emphasizing):
1. You are capable of generating many nights of solid, unmedicated sleep.
2. Difficult nights can still show up and they can come with a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings, too.Difficult nights from time to time are normal — just as difficult days from time to time are normal. They can be really hard to experience, too.
Since we cannot permanently delete difficult nights (or difficult thoughts or difficult feelings) from our lives, it can be helpful to figure out a workable way of responding to them.
We can respond (as I think most of us are hard-wired to do) by going to war with insomnia and our minds, trying to fight wakefulness and what we are thinking and feeling, being really hard on ourselves, and perhaps even withdrawing from life and doing less of what matters.
Or, we can respond by acknowledging what’s going on. Being kind to ourselves in return. And continuing to do things that matter — even when all this difficult stuff is present — so that we continue to move toward the life we want to live.
As you shared, when you are awake at night that might mean you are up for much of the night. And it might mean that you are not up for much of the night. You can’t control that — but you do get decide whether you add struggle (and how much) on top of that wakefulness.
It can be really hard when difficult nights show up — and they’re not your fault, so please try to be kind to yourself and perhaps see them as an opportunity to practice what you are learning.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great! Good on you for getting the practice in!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though that’s what your experience might be telling you 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds really difficult — sorry you are going through that.
All of the challenges you shared are things that others here are also dealing with since they are common symptoms of the insomnia struggle. That also means we’ll be exploring all of them in the course, too — and the Week 1 action plan you come up with after working through the first week of the course will get you started on your journey away from the struggle and toward the life you want to live.
I wish you all the best with the course and please feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any questions you might have as you work through it.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify! I would consider “unusual distress” to involve a level of discomfort or concern that is way beyond expectation or experience — more akin to a potential (or real) mental health concern that might prompt someone to seek medical advice.
I wouldn’t typically consider finding it hard to practice new skills as unusual distress, but you are the expert on you!
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’d invite you to revisit the lesson in Week 2 “What About Stimulus Control for Insomnia?” — in this course, I don’t encourage people to get out of bed just because they are awake (unless that’s something they want to do).
Since it sounds as though you’d rather not get out of bed to start your day at 3:30 AM, perhaps staying in bed and allowing yourself to rest might be a more workable approach? If you find yourself struggling when you are awake in bed, you might want to practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle (for example by practicing the AWAKE exercise or by engaging in an alternative activity such as reading).
It might be worth revisiting Week 2 of the course since responding to nighttime wakefulness is explored in a lot of detail there — and none of it involves the requirement to get out of bed 🙂
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @teeseey!
When you weren’t challenged with insomnia, did you need magnesium supplements or light therapy lamps to generate sleep? If not, why would you need them now?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question!
If you regularly get out of bed to start your day at 3:30 AM then your brain can learn that 3:30 AM is the time to be awake and starting your day. That’s not permanently set in stone, though — the brain can adapt to new habits and routines.
You might ask yourself what your goal is when you get out of bed at 3:30 AM to start your day.
Are you doing that because starting your day at 3:30 AM is what you want to be doing? Is that an action that helps you live the kind of life you want to live? If so, what’s the problem?
Or, are you getting out of bed to start your day at 3:30 AM in an attempt to fight or avoid being awake in bed and/or the thoughts and feelings that might come with that? If so, how workable is that approach proving to be?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Totally understandable that waking too early is something you’re not happy about — and it’s also something your experience tells you can’t be controlled, right?
Waking is a normal part of sleep. For as long as you are attached to the idea of eliminating that, you might be setting yourself up for a struggle. Perhaps accepting wakefulness is going to show up and practicing responding to it in a way that might create less struggle and help make those awakenings less difficult might be a helpful way forward?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
