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Struggle doesn’t magically disappear — we’re going to get drawn into the struggle from time to time. It’s a well-trodden path and can often feel almost automatic — difficult thoughts/feelings show up, we are awake when we don’t want to be, and we respond by battling. It feels like battling is action. I guess it is, in a way — but it’s not really workable action because it’s a battle we’re always going to lose.
So, what matters is ongoing practice. Accepting that we’re going to get drawn back into the struggle (sometimes over and over again) and, when that happens, being kind to ourselves and kindly bringing ourselves back to being an observer rather than an opponent.
As we become more accepting of our thoughts and feelings, we might notice more thoughts and feelings show up because we aren’t trying to dam the river of thoughts any more — we’re letting that river flow without resistance!
Ultimately, thoughts and feelings themselves aren’t really the problem — it’s how we respond to them that can make them a problem!
I hope this helps, and appreciate the supportive words and experience shared by @SCTwo and @Packer-Fan!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Since sleep is completely out of your control and since we cannot predict the future, there’s no answer to your question.
What matters is how you respond to being awake, how you respond to the difficult thoughts and feelings that show up, and what you do each day. All those things are in your control and all of those things determine whether you move toward the life you want to live or away from the life you want to live.
If wakefulness isn’t a struggle, if thoughts and feelings don’t pull you away from where you are or what you want to do, if you do things that are aligned with your values and move you toward the life you want to live each day, perhaps it doesn’t matter all that much how “good” or “bad” your sleep is from night to night?
And, if your goal is to fall back to sleep when you wake, perhaps that might be something that’s setting you up for a bit of a struggle and creating a bit of an obstacle?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think we are probably hard-wired to instinctively resist difficult thoughts and feelings. So, responding in a different way is hard and requires ongoing practice. And, since it’s hard, when it feels hard it might be helpful to be kind to yourself rather than hard on yourself 🙂
Good on you for continuing to practice and continuing to put the work in! You are demonstrating strengths of commitment, determination, and resilience.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Being a “health nut” is a strength and a reflection of your values of health, personal growth, and self-advocacy.
As you pointed out, so many things in life respond well to effort. We can eat in a certain way or exercise in a certain way to change the appearance and capabilities of our body. However, we cannot control our sleep in the same way! We can give it the opportunity to happen, but that’s about it! Simply being aware of the fact that sleep cannot be controlled is a big insight that can be so helpful 🙂
Thanks for sharing that you like the lack of “rules” — it’s perfectly fine to read in bed, to watch TV, to do whatever you want. Sleep doesn’t care about any of that stuff! What matters is doing things that matter to you. Things you care about, independently of sleep.
The fact you are exploring the possibility that letting go of trying to control sleep might reveal hidden talents is evidence of your growth mindset and your awareness and understanding that you are always growing, developing, and changing — even in the presence of challenge, difficultly, and adversity.
When our focus shifts away from sleep, it’s amazing how much mental energy, capacity, and capability we can free up!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for attending all the events and meetings on your trip, independently of sleep. I am sure that was not easy! Your strengths of determination, tenacity, persistence, and commitment all shined through and supported you with that committed action.
Travel can make sleep more difficult, as can perhaps billions of other things that come with living a rich and meaningful life. And, concern about sleep is easily identified as the source of struggle (and sometimes perhaps it is).
Often, the true source of struggle is our intervention or involvement in the process of sleep — the pressure we might put on ourselves to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen, the effort we might put into sleep, the attempts to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings that might show up with (or after) nighttime wakefulness.
It’s great to hear the you used some of the tools from the course — practice is what matters. Taking action.
You said they came with limited success. Just so we are clear, when you practiced the AWAKE exercise, what was your goal or intent? If it was more successful, what would have been different?
When you practiced acting in alignment with your values, what was your goal or intent? If it was more successful, what would have been different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs are natural and normal and are part of progress (and being a human being). What matters is how you respond to difficult nights. What do you think is the most workable way to respond, based on your experience and based on what you’ve explored (and practiced) in the course so far?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello edlung — and thank you for chiming in Packer Fan 🙂
It can be very frustrating how the mind and body seems to want to work against us so much of the time! And yet, the mind and body is never intentionally working against us. It’s working for us. Looking out for us. Trying its best to keep us alive, safe, and doing what matters.
It sounds as though your mind is firing up all systems in an effort to protect you from what the night might bring. That makes sense since it’s something that has created a struggle for so long — so your mind sees it as a threat and is doing its job of looking out for you and preparing you for battle.
Just as your brain learned that night is a threat and it needs to activate action stations to protect you as night approaches, it can also learn that night is not a threat and that it doesn’t need to activate action stations to keep you safe.
How might you practice that retraining, do you think?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
At times like this it can be helpful to reflect on (and remind ourselves of) what we can control.
If our experience tells us that we cannot control our thoughts and feelings — if it’s impossible to permanently delete them through effort, then perhaps we need to focus our efforts on what we can control. Actions. How we respond to our thoughts and feelings.
And, when it comes to measuring progress, perhaps it’s helpful to do that based on what we can control, too.
So, instead of measuring progress based on what we are thinking and feeling, perhaps we measure progress based on the action-based practice we are getting in. The times we are doing what matters, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. The times we are practicing and building skill in acknowledging thoughts and feelings and observing them instead of battling and struggle with them. The times we are being kind to ourselves, rather than hard on ourselves.
In other words, for as long as we practice, we make progress. Practice is progress.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Rozey — thank you for sharing and it is so good to see all the support being offered by others here 🙂
First of all: Good on you for continuing to live by your values — that’s a reflection of your strengths of tenacity, determination, and resilience.
Difficult nights and ups and downs are natural and normal. They come with being a human being and they should be expected. Of course, that doesn’t mean they aren’t going to feel discouraging when they happen and your problem-solving brain is going to respond by generating all kinds of thoughts and feelings and stories (it’s usually a big fan of “what if” stories). Thanks, brain!
Since your brain is only doing its job there’s not a lot you can do about that. However, you always get to choose how you respond. And, by continuing to live by your values you are responding in a workable way.
Make sure you are also being kind to yourself when things feel difficult. Acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling, and continue to act in ways that keep you moving toward the life you want to live.
For as long as you continue to do that, all this stuff will lose its power and influence over your life. And, as it loses its power and influence it will consume less of your energy and attention and it’ll often become less noticeable and might even show up less often.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for continuing to practice the AWAKE exercise when uncomfortable body sensations show up. What is your goal or intent when you get that practice in?
As you have experienced, difficult thoughts and feelings are going to show up. You don’t need to be “OK” with that — you simply have a choice of what to do when they show up.
You can battle with them as you try to get rid of them (and that just makes them stronger and more difficult, as you shared) or you can acknowledge them, allow them to come and go as they choose (even though you might rather they weren’t present at all), be more of an observer of them, be kind to yourself, and practice experiencing them with less struggle.
Which approach feels most workable to you? Is there an alternative to these two options (and if so, what is it)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that awareness — it’s interesting how our mindset and intention can change as soon as bedtime approaches and how that change can set us up for a struggle. Thanks to the awareness you shared, you now have a greater opportunity to respond differently.
I think you shared a big insight that all your attempts to fight or avoid thoughts and feelings don’t permanently eliminate those thoughts and feelings. So, an approach of “fight or avoid” might be a bit of a waste of your energy and attention — and might also pull you away from meaningful actions that reflect who you are and the life you want to live.
Thanks to your own willingness to explore this with a curious mind and to experiment with making some changes, you have noticed that acceptance can lead to less struggle since you are no longer responding by going to war with your mind or with being awake. As a bonus side-effect, this often creates better conditions for sleep to happen, too 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @Bsue — and good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise and the 3 Good Things exercise! You are making change happen by taking action!
Many people find the AWAKE exercise difficult and clunky at first — there’s a lot there and a lot to remember (and play around with)! As with any skill, it tends to get a bit easier with ongoing practice. As you shared, the AWAKE exercise is aligned in many ways with meditation — acknowledging and observing rather than controlling and battling.
In what ways is the 3 Good Things exercise proving to be positive for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though sleep meds don’t make you feel good, come with side-effects, and the action of taking them isn’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be. It also sounds as though they generate more anxiety and worry.
What’s good about continuing to take medication? What would be bad about moving away from medication? Upon reflection, what do you feel you’d like to do with the medication and how will you make that happen?
If sleep is a concern, your problem-solving mind is going to generate thoughts about it. That’s its job. And, with difficult thoughts often come difficult feelings and bodily sensations (although if you are concerned about chest tightness I would encourage you to get that checked out by a doctor).
Since this stuff doesn’t feel good, we are naturally inclined to try to get rid of these thoughts and feelings — which makes complete sense. And yet, that often draws us into a struggle that makes things more difficult and consumes more of our energy and attention. What might things be like if thoughts and feelings could come and go as they pleased, without them creating such a struggle?
We’ll be exploring this in more detail in Week 2 — but, in the meantime, have you tried responding to these thoughts with an acknowledgement (rather than starting a battle) and perhaps even thanking your brain for looking out for you (thanks, brain!)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are definitely not a failure — you are clearly a great self-advocate for yourself and you demonstrate great awareness of who you are and who you want to be.
You are taking medication and supplements because you feel that’s right for you — and you are the expert on you.
Many people who are taking medication or supplements (but don’t want to be) find that working through this course and committing to behavioral change gives them alternative options and more confidence to start moving away from medication and supplements when they are ready to do so.
As suggested by @hiker, it’s important not to make any changes to your medication without talking to your doctor first (as I am sure you are very aware off, as a retired nurse)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Setting an alarm clock can be helpful — otherwise, how will you be sure to get out of bed by the end of your sleep window while also not checking the time during your sleep window?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
