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Thanks for sharing, Czor!
It makes sense that inconsistency (something your experience might tell you is out of your control) creates some anxiety (something else your experience might tell you is out of your control).
Anxiety doesn’t stop sleep from happening, but struggling with it can definitely make the anxiety (and sleep!) more difficult — it’s going to be harder for sleep to happen when we are engaged in a mental battle during the night, right?
So, what might matter more is how you respond to that inconsistency and the appearance of anxiety. Are you getting pulled into a distracting struggle that consumes your energy and attention (and that risks pulling you away from living the life you want to live and the person you want to be) or are you practicing experiencing those things with acknowledgement, self-kindness, and less struggle?
If there was a magic “consistency” switch you could flick that would give you the exact amount and type of sleep you’d like to be getting every single night for the rest of your life, what would you be doing differently? What would you be doing then, that you are unable to do now?
I’m sorry to hear of your fall, @GenieB and wish you a speedy recovery.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s a good question, @tinatina86!
I’d suggest reflecting on your own experience to help guide you here.
If your experience tells you that canceling plans and doing less of what matters guarantees great nights of sleep and helps you move you toward living the life you want to be, then canceling the trip might be the right decision.
If your experience tells you that canceling plans and doing less of what matters does not guarantee great nights of sleep and ends up pulling you you away from living the life you want to live, maybe canceling the trip might not be the right decision.
Since you mentioned that you don’t want insomnia to step more from your life, it sounds as though going on the trip might be the right option — but you are the expert on you.
Something else that might help: In 100 years from now, will you look back on those 3 to 4 weeks and reflect on how you slept or are you more likely to look back on those 3 to 4 weeks and reflect on what you did and what you experienced?
What are your thoughts on all this? Is there anything helpful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
A nap of 20 minutes or less that is taken early in the day is unlikely to have much effect on sleep pressure 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As you have seen, @Elkie, you are not alone!
It’s totally understandable that you find nights of no sleep terrifying and that you feel very down and disheartened after those nights.
As you shared, making things more difficult are the circumstances you are going through with your daughter, too.
Some people with insomnia find it hard to fall asleep, others find it hard to fall back to sleep, some struggle with both issues, and some find their difficulties change from one to the other. It’s all the same thing — insomnia 🙂
Thanks for sharing that you have started implementing a sleep window. Is there anything else that we’ve explored in the course so far that you are practicing, too? Have you, for example, managed to get any practice in with the AWAKE exercise when all those difficult thoughts and feelings show up at night?
It might also be worth reminding yourself that you can still be there for your daughter even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. You might not be feeling as alert and functional as you want to be, but you can still be there for her. And that’s what matters.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, frosty! Many people find it helpful to take their time working through the course — six weeks really is a bare minimum and there are no prizes for finishing first!
If real change had happened already, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sounds like you might have uncovered an insight there, Czor 😉
When we try to control our mind, we can set ourselves up for a struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @Sdzagrean! It sure sounds as though you are getting in some great practice with expanding the focus of your attention. In effect, you are “diluting” the role and influence sleep might play in your life by noticing that there is a lot more to your life than sleep.
Perhaps most importantly of all, you are continuing to do things that matter — even if that might come with difficult nights, even after difficult nights, and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.
The human brain will always generate thoughts and feelings, so it’s completely natural for difficult ones (and “easy” ones) to disappear for a while only to come back! What matters is how we respond to them 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello again, Chris! If you find that you’re filling your sleep window with sleep and finding it hard to remain awake at certain points in the day, I would suggest extending your sleep window. You might not fill it with more sleep or generate more sleep, but you will be giving your body the opportunity to generate more sleep should it choose to do so.
It might be helpful to know that many people (whether they struggle with insomnia or not) feel a temporary period of sleepiness around lunchtime since that’s a time when the body clock’s “wake” signal tends to temporarily weaken. We don’t know exactly why, but it’s quite common.
If you continue to feel excessively sleepy throughout the day or if that sleepiness becomes a concern or a risk (for example, you are doing something that requires you to be awake but you feel as though you might fall asleep without warning), I would suggest having a conversation with your doctor since, perhaps surprisingly, that’s not a symptom usually associated with insomnia (fatigue definitely, sleepiness not so much).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow — great stuff! Thank you for sharing the insights you’ve gained in such a short period of time!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When we consider how many people read in bed and have no issues with sleep, we might see that reading in bed doesn’t stop sleep from happening.
Insomnia isn’t maintained by being awake in bed — it’s maintained by all our efforts to make sleep happen.
So, reading in bed might be a problem if you are reading in bed in an attempt to generate sleep — because, as your experience probably tells you, sleep cannot happen through effort.
(Anything we do with the intent of generating sleep is more likely to create a struggle that makes things more difficult.)
If reading in bed feels good, is something you find pleasant, and if it helps you practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle I think it’s perfectly fine to read in bed.
Of course, if you’d prefer to get out of bed to read you can do that — but I don’t think it’s required!
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you want to move away from using alcohol in an attempt to control sleep. As you’ve mentioned, it doesn’t seem to be helpful in any case — it doesn’t work every time and it makes things even worse the next day.
It often takes a lot of courage to recognize when our current approach might not be working and to consider a new approach. So, good on you for taking that big first step!
In terms of a new approach, you might want to start with my ACT for insomnia might be helpful to consider, too.
And, if you have any questions or concerns as you explore a new approach, please feel free to share them here. You are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What is your goal when you read at night or get out of bed to do other things, like walking your dog at 2-3 AM?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Looking at the time might not make things harder for everyone — it’s just one of those actions that can set us up for a struggle.
Ultimately, there’s nothing we can “do” with the information of knowing the time. And, often the best outcome is neutral — now you know the time. That’s it.
Checking the time during the night is something that can pull us back into a control agenda — we might start trying to make sleep happen, we might start to put pressure on ourselves to sleep, we might start trying to fight any thoughts, feelings, or stories that show up in response to knowing the time.
If nothing else, checking the time during the night requires some degree of mental activation — to interpret the time, what that means, and what we might then do with that information.
If checking the time is an action that is helping you get closer to where you want to be, there’s no need to change anything. If checking the time is an action that doesn’t seem to be helping you get closer to where you want to be, making a change might be worth considering.
You, as always, are the expert on you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question!
My thoughts:
Belief can be helpful but I don’t think it’s a requirement! We might not believe that something will happen, but it can still happen anyway, right?
What might matter more are our actions.
What we do determines whether we move toward the life we want to live or away from the life we want to live.
How we respond to the difficult stuff that comes with being a human being determines whether we are going to get pulled into a struggle or whether we are going to continue to do what matters even when difficult stuff is present.
Our actions can be workable (focused on things we can control) or they can be unworkable (focused on things we cannot control).
Fortunately, we can always control our actions — belief is not required for that.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Izzy — good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise! It really doesn’t matter what you do when you are practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle because your only goal is to practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle!
If reading helps you do that, great! If doing nothing and relaxing with your eyes closed helps you do that, great!
It’s easy to get pulled into the trap of trying to control your thoughts and feelings or trying to make sleep happen when you are practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle. If you notice that happening then you can gently acknowledge that with kindness and then change your approach.
It sounds as though that’s exactly what you did 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
