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That sounds really difficult, @Kacido.
If your doctor says everything is fine, it’s possible that all the difficult symptoms you described come from hyperarousal — your brain firing up into overdrive in an attempt to protect you from nighttime wakefulness.
Being awake at night can definitely be unpleasant — but it’s not a threat in the same way that a tiger stalking around your bedroom wanting to eat you is! And yet, when we’ve struggled with insomnia for a while, our brain can believe that it’s no different to a man-eating tiger. It thinks that it must be a real threat since we are trying so hard to fight or avoid it.
Where it’s so easy to get stuck is we can start to try even harder to make sleep happen. We can try even harder to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with insomnia. This pulls us even deeper into a struggle that makes everything more difficult — it consumes more of our energy and attention and makes it harder to do things that matter and to live the life we want to live.
This is where an alternative approach can sometimes be helpful. An approach that involves building skill in experiencing wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia with less struggle. When there’s less struggle, we are better able to do things that matter — and, as a bonus, we also create better conditions for sleep.
You might want to read this page on ACT for insomnia to see if there’s anything useful there. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best! You are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, @valenk — and thanks for sharing your experience!
Put simply, sleep doesn’t respond well to effort. The more we try to make it happen, the more elusive it can become. And, the more we try to make it happen the more we can end up struggling and that can make things even more difficult.
It sounds as though your experience confirms this. When you decided not to actively try to make sleep happen when you were awake at night, things felt better. There wasn’t the addition of struggle on top of the wakefulness.
As you found, this doesn’t mean that sleep will happen — because sleep cannot be directly or permanently controlled through effort. Yet, experiencing wakefulness with less struggle is usually more workable compared to an ongoing struggle with wakefulness. It can also help to retrain your mind that wakefulness isn’t a threat that it needs to be more alert to “protect” you from at night. It can also help you free up more energy to do things that matter each day.
And, as a bonus, less struggle also helps create better conditions for sleep to happen. That doesn’t mean sleep is guaranteed, though!
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for returning, one year later, to share how you’re doing @Kat87!
If someone reads your post and is thinking to themselves that they’d love to get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings (such as fear and anxiety) but it seems that the more they try to do that, the more they end up struggling, what would you suggest as an alternative approach?
If you were to share one or two changes you made that you feel were particularly helpful in getting you from where you were (struggling with insomnia and struggling with all the thoughts and feelings that come with insomnia) to where you are now, what would they be?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I like that idea @GenieB — especially since you have more control over what you do during the day compared to how you sleep during the night!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @northparts and thanks for sharing!
Feeling really sleepy and then wide awake when you go to bed (or when you wake during the night) is a common symptom of insomnia. It’s often related to the brain firing up to “protect” you from being awake — it has learned that wakefulness is a threat.
Unfortunately, we cannot control what our minds do. But we can control our actions. And, through our actions, we can help train the mind that wakefulness isn’t a threat that it needs to be quite so alert to protect us from.
We can do that by practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle — by moving away from trying to fight or avoid it. By giving it permission to be present. And to give it less of an influence over our lives by continuing to do things that matter and continuing to move toward the life we want to live after difficult nights and even when the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia might be present.
Of course, this is easier said than done and often requires ongoing practice!
I appreciated you sharing that you’ve found that you’re thinking about sleep less since you enrolled in the course. That can sometimes be a bonus side-effect of less struggle, but it’s not the intent of the course since when we try to control our thoughts and feelings we are often more likely to end up struggling with them.
I’d invite you to consider these questions (and to answer them here, if you’d like to do so):
1. How do you currently respond to feeling awake and alert at night and how is that helping you?
2. How do you currently respond the day after difficult nights and how is that helping you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that things are much better compared to four weeks ago!
When things are difficult, it does suck and it can be really frustrating — absolutely! I 100% agree!
And, since you can’t control this difficult stuff, perhaps the best way to respond is to acknowledge what’s going on, to be kind to yourself in return, and to continue to act in ways that are important to you and continue to do things that matter.
Otherwise, what’s the alternative?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Jim — I appreciate the ongoing engagement and discussion! It sounds as though getting off clonazepam after four years was very challenging — and you successfully did it!
My apologies if my question about what you’d be doing if 7 out of 7 nights of sleep were good was not clear. I wasn’t looking for you to describe how to achieve that goal (especially since your experience seems to tell you that sleep cannot be accomplished through effort). I was asking you what you would be doing differently if that goal was achieved.
In other words, I am curious to know what obstacle your current issues with sleep seem to present. What they seem to be stopping you from doing. Not thinking or feeling, but doing.
When sleep doesn’t happen it can definitely become a struggle if we respond as most of us are hard-wired to respond— by trying to get rid of wakefulness and trying to make sleep happen.
It doesn’t have to be a struggle though.It is possible to build skill in responding to wakefulness with less struggle. It’s not about telling yourself not to struggle. It’s about practicing — through committed action — a way of responding that helps you build skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.
It sounds as though your goal is for every night to be good — and that’s totally understandable! Could such a goal have the potential to set you up for a struggle? If your goal was for every day to be good, how realistic would such a goal be?
To answer your final question — I cannot tell you what to do to experience good nights 100% of the time, just as I cannot tell you what to do to experience good days 100% of the time.
That’s because — as your experience seems to be telling you — sleep cannot be controlled. The more you try, the more you struggle. And, the more you struggle the more difficult everything becomes.
That’s why the focus of this course is about exploring ways of moving away from that endless, exhausting, and distracting struggle. It’s the struggle that comes with insomnia that sustains insomnia. It’s the struggle with all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with insomnia that makes all those thoughts and feelings more powerful and more influential.
It’s the struggle that makes it harder for us to live the kind of life we want to live.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If your experience tells you that you cannot directly or permanently reduce arousal, how do ongoing attempts to do that help you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Not blaming yourself for the difficult stuff that’s out of your control sounds like a good example of being kind to yourself, Luke!
I like how you have been inspired by someone you identify as being particularly kind and loving — and have thought about using that person as inspiration to help you show yourself a similar level of love and kindness. Great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Czor. If you’re concerned about the buzzing sensation, that would be best discussed with a doctor. It could be a physical symptom of hyperarousal but I am not a doctor!
If you find yourself struggling with being awake or any of the thoughts and feelings you’re doing so well identifying then that can be a good opportunity to practice the AWAKE exercise.
If you went to bed and fell asleep pretty quickly that suggests you were sleepy enough for sleep when you went to bed. Have you tried not even checking the time when you go to bed?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Just to add — you might also find Cindy’s story helpful.
We also did a podcast episode together which can be found here: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31)
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What does your experience tell you about the workability of trying to control what you’re thinking and feeling? Does your experience tell you that you can directly and permanently control what’s going on inside you? Does trying to do that have the potential to create a struggle that could make things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sounds like you are definitely a human being, GenieB! There are good times and more difficult times and, all the time, your brain is working away and looking out for you by generating all different thoughts, feelings, and stories!
New skills take ongoing practice and there’s often many ups and downs on the journey. Times when it feels as though progress is easy and you’re doing great. Times when it all feels hopeless and impossible. That’s normal. What matters is continuing to practice. Continuing to do things that matter. And continuing to be kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Vanessa — and good on you for getting the practice in and for continuing to practice!
As you’ve become more skilled in the NOW exercise, how has that helped you? As you’ve become more skilled in the AWAKE exercise, how has that helped you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff here!
Remember that we are all different and that, ultimately, by working through this course you are practicing new skills. New skills take time to develop and progress varies from person to person. I think it’s a bit like how some people can learn a musical instrument really quickly and others take longer. Regardless of the speed of progress what truly matters is getting in the practice!
Good question about what “normal” sleep is — perhaps it’s similar to asking what a “normal” day is? Human beings tend not to feel permanently happy or permanently productive or permanently satisfied throughout the day, week, month, or year. We all tend to experience the full range of human thoughts and feelings as we live our lives.
And, just as each day has its own ups and downs, each day isn’t always better than (or even as good as) the previous day, right? So, perhaps it makes sense that sleep might be a bit like that, too?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
