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Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep — and a 30 minute daytime nap is unlikely to be having a significant effect on nighttime sleep.
You could always conduct an experiment and eliminate the naps for a week or two and see if that changes anything. Yet, if you enjoy those naps and they reflect who you are and the life you want to live, why change anything?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you were making progress, how would things be different?
I think we can fall into a bit of a trap when setting a sleep window — if you are doing it with the goal of making a certain amount or type of sleep happen (something your own experience probably tells you is out of your direct control) then it can create more difficulty and struggle.
The real intent with a sleep window is to help us move away from chasing after sleep. When we are chasing after sleep we are more likely to do things like go to bed earlier or stay in bed later — this often creates worse conditions for sleep, sets us up for more struggle, and makes it harder for us to do things that move us toward the life we want to live.
I’d suggest having an out of bed time that feels workable to you. An out of bed time that is aligned with the life you want to live, feels realistic, and feels appropriate.
Your chosen out of bed time isn’t the time you are expected to wake up at — it’s nothing more than the time you get out of bed to start your day. Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep (and, for that reason, I don’t think there’s any need to get out of bed just because you are awake).
You might find it helpful not to even check the time when you wake during the night, and to allow yourself to remain in bed for as long as you feel comfortable (until the end of your sleep window, of course). If you find yourself struggling, you always have the opportunity to do something more pleasant — and you can do that in bed, or out of bed. Your choice.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
One thing that I’d add to @hiker’s excellent response is this — thoughts and feelings (no matter how accurate, inaccurate, rational, irrational, helpful, unhelpful, easy to experience, or difficult to experience stop sleep from happening. The human brain is always generating thoughts and feelings!
What makes sleep more difficult is when we try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings — because then we are engaged in a battle, and how likely is sleep to happen when we are engaged in a battle?
As you know from experience, distraction might offer some temporary relief from time to time — but those thoughts and feelings always come back anyway, right? So, where does distraction get you, over the longer term?
We’ll be exploring all this in a lot more detail as the course progresses (especially from Week 2 onward). The fact you are considering this now is setting you up for success and is a reflection of your growth mindset!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
We know that you are generating sleep because you wouldn’t be here today if you weren’t. Sleep happens and it’s a core biological process, like breathing. You can hold your breath (and some people can hold their breath for a really long time) but, sooner or later, the body will take over and you’ll breathe. The same goes for sleep.
The suspension of sleep is usually involuntary (compared to voluntarily holding your breath) and it typically happens when your brain is trying to protect you from what it perceives as the threat of wakefulness.
The more you are able to train your brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat, the less fired up it will become in an attempt to protect you from wakefulness.
You’ll be learning a lot about this as you work through the course but some ways you can start training your brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat is to commit to actions that reflect who you are and who you want to be (independently of sleep), to move away from putting effort into sleep, and to practice experiencing all the thoughts and feelings your problem-solving mind generates (rather than trying to fight or avoid them).
I hope there’s something useful here — you aren’t alone!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course, Molly
It might be helpful to consider the intent of the sleep window, at least in the context of the approach I share in the course.
The intent is to help us move away from chasing after sleep. To avoid things like going to bed earlier or staying in bed later in an effort to make sleep happen. As you know from experience, the more you chase after sleep the more elusive it can become.
So, if you feel comfortable with whatever kind of routine you have now, there’s probably no need to change anything. If you aren’t spending a lot of time in bed, battling away with insomnia and trying to make sleep happen, there’s no probably no need to change anything. If you aren’t missing out on life because you are spending so much time in bed, there’s probably no need to change anything.
It can be helpful to go to bed when you are sleepy enough for sleep (rather than because you are trying to make a certain amount of sleep happen) but if what you are doing right now feels good, there’s probably no need to change anything.
It can also be helpful to have a reasonably consistent out of bed time on most mornings — but, again, as long as you are living the life you want to live then (guess what?!) there’s probably no need to change anything!
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep pressure is always present to a certain degree and it always increases the longer we are awake.
Although there is a possibility you might be an outlier and are genuinely getting no more than 3 hours of sleep on any given night, even over a period of a week or longer, it’s worth considering that most people with insomnia are getting more sleep than they think.
It might also be helpful to consider that the body will always generate (at the very least) the minimum amount of sleep we need, as long as it is given sufficient opportunity to generate sleep.
The key to creating good conditions for more than the minimum amount of sleep to happen is, ironically, to move away from trying to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen. To get more comfortable with being awake at night. To acknowledge whatever you are thinking and feeling, rather than battling away with your mind.
In short, when the nights aren’t a battleground, sleep is best able to take care of itself.
We’ll be exploring all this in a lot more detail as the course progresses but in the meantime, I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Just want to chime in here to say it’s totally OK (and normal!) to want sleep — trying to turn off that desire will probably create more difficulty and struggle. It’s how we respond to that desire that matters!
Do we choose to respond by trying to control our mind (where does that get us)?
Do we choose to respond by trying to make sleep happen (how effective is that)?
Do we choose to respond by being really hard on ourselves (how does that make things better)?
Or, do we choose to respond by acknowledging that desire, being kind to ourselves, and accepting that sleep is out of our control?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your experience and your understanding that ups and downs are natural and normal — just like difficult thoughts and feelings like anxiety!
What matters most is how you respond to things going differently to how you might want them to — because your response is within your control and your response determines the power and influence these things have over your life and your response determines the level of struggle they create.
It’s great that you are reminding yourself that bad nights will happen — as will good nights! And, you are using your time awake in a workable way, rather than battling away and being hard on yourself.
You are off to a flying start
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! How are you things going with your new sleep window?
Remember that the sleep window isn’t intended to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen — the real goal is to help you move away from chasing after sleep (for example, by going to bed a lot earlier or staying in bed a lot later in an attempt to make more sleep happen).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’re welcome
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds like a great way to practice acknowledgement, move away from the struggle, and be kinder to yourself, too
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @bipal24! and welcome to the forum! I am sorry to hear of your ectopic pregnancy and the sleep issues and the anxiety that you have also been experiencing.
All the thoughts and feelings you shared are valid and understandable — and they come from your brain doing its job of looking out for you. Since that is your brain’s main job, it’s probably not going to back down if you attempt to challenge or overthrow or fight or avoid the thoughts and feelings it’s generating.
An approach of resistance, fighting, or avoiding is understandable and it can often make things more difficult as you find yourself drawn into an endless battle with your mind.
If your experience tells you that your brain is going to generate whatever thoughts and feelings it chooses to generate (good, bad, nice, hard, helpful, unhelpful, accurate, inaccurate, constructive, unconstructive, etc) then perhaps a more workable approach might involve acknowledging whatever thoughts and feelings you notice and allowing them to come and go as they choose — rather than getting pulled into a battle with them?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course, @vandeinseg1 and thank you for sharing your thoughts, experience, and support @hiker!
I think your brain might be onto something when it says something along the lines of, “you’re trying to do what Martin told you to do and just accept and recognize me in hopes I go away…”.
If you are acknowledging and accepting your thoughts with the aim of getting rid of them, you aren’t going to get much from the practice — because acceptance isn’t about trying to get rid of your thoughts. It’s more about accepting what you cannot control and accepting that the more you try to control what you cannot control, the more difficult things can become.
Remember, too, that there’s no need to counter your thoughts or get involved in a dialogue with them. You can simply observe them. Acknowledge them. Thank your brain for them. Give them space. Allow them to come and go as they choose, without resistance.
This doesn’t mean they’ll magically disappear (sometimes that might happen as a bonus side-effect, though). It does mean that you aren’t engaged in an intense (and endless) tug-of-war battle with them that only gives them more power and influence and leaves you exhausted!
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course and thanks for sharing your story and experience so far! You clearly have a growth mindset and understand that life is a journey of change, learning experiences, and personal development. You also have the superpowers of self-reflection and self-awareness!
Ultimately, sleep happens best when it is effortless. Whenever it’s not effortless, we are more likely to find ourselves struggling with it.
With that in mind, anything we do in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen can backfire — because we are now putting effort into a process that doesn’t require (or want!) effort.
Of course, “not trying” can be hard — especially when we want to solve a problem! So, it’s OK to try and to exert effort to fix the problem of insomnia — but we probably need to do that not by trying to control what our experience tells us is out of our control, but by focusing on actions that don’t make things more difficult. Actions that reduce the power and influence of all the difficult stuff. Actions that help us do what matters independently of sleep.
As we continue to focus on our actions (and our engagement in — and awareness of — the world around us) and as we continue to life a life that’s aligned with our values, we are less likely to get drawn into trying to make sleep happen. That, in turn, gives sleep the best opportunity to take care of itself and become effortless once again
This is usually a lot easier said than done! It is a process that usually requires the development of new skills. And developing skills takes time, involves ups and downs, and requires ongoing practice!
I wish you all the best with the course
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for putting into practice what you are learning here by implementing a sleep window!
Being bored with nothing to do between 9:00 PM and 11:50 PM doesn’t sound very pleasant. What might be you be able to do with that time to make it a bit more pleasant or productive?
You certainly could go to bed earlier if you like — just bear in mind that spending almost nine hours in bed (if you went to bed at 9:00 PM) might create more wakefulness in bed. Whether or not that’s a problem for you, only you know since you are the expert on you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
