Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Thanks for sharing your concerns.
There are probably as many triggers for sleep disruption as there are people in the world — it’s impossible to identify all of them and it’s impossible to eliminate all of them. If we try, we end up consumed by the struggle and it can become really hard to live the kind of life we want to live.
Hormonal changes can definitely create some sleep disruption and there’s not a whole lot we can do about that. We can only control our actions — we can only control how we respond to the sleep disruption.
We can respond in an unworkable way (trying to control what can’t be controlled). That’s probably how most of us are hardwired to respond, which is why it’s so easy to end up getting stuck.
Or, we can practice responding in a more workable way — where we acknowledge what’s going on, try to be kind to ourselves when things feel difficult, move away from trying to control what cannot be controlled, and continue to do things that keep us moving toward the kind of life we want to live even when all this difficult stuff is present.
The thoughts you shared are natural and normal and come from your brain doing its job and looking out for you (thanks, brain)! You get to choose how you respond to those thoughts — what do you feel is the best way to respond to them?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds really difficult. If there was a magic sleep switch I could share with you, I would share it with you. Unfortunately, there is no such switch — and the more we try to find it, the more we can end up struggling.
It can definitely feel scary when our usual or “backup” safety behaviors (for example, medication) no longer seem to “work” — and yet, that’s not unusual since nothing external can actually generate sleep.
Sleep is only ever generated internally by the body and the body doesn’t require any external intervention to make sleep happen (in fact, it’s all our efforts to make sleep happen that are more likely to make it difficult).
Sleep is one of those things that we cannot control. Just as we cannot control the thoughts our mind chooses to generate or the feelings that it chooses to generate. The more we battle, the more likely we are to struggle.
What we can control are our actions — and it’s our actions that determine whether we end up making things even more difficult (by trying to fight or avoid all this difficult stuff and adding struggle on top) or whether we practice responding in a more workable way (for example, by acknowledging all this difficult stuff, being kind to ourselves in return, moving away from trying to fight or avoid the things we can’t control, and continuing to do things that matter).
Sleep drive accumulates with every minute of wakefulness, and yet there’s an important safety mechanism in place to prevent us from falling asleep if a threat is present. If we were being chased by a bear and fell asleep because we’d been awake for too long, we’d be in trouble, right? And, as far as your brain is concerned, wakefulness is like being chased by a bear. And so, it’s trying to suspend sleep drive to keep you safe (although, even then, sleep is still going to happen at some point because sleep drive always wins in the end).
Of course, that’s not too helpful when you’re lying in bed (safe from bears!) and want sleep to happen and so you will probably want to put effort into making sleep happen or start trying to control your mind to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings.
Unfortunately, the more you try to fight with your mind the more it will likely push back, because its job is to protect you. It thinks you’re under attack while you might be trying to fight or avoid its warnings. Cue “brain freak out” mode!
What you can do is practice training your brain that, although you wish wakefulness wasn’t present, it’s not a threat or a danger. This might be done by practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle and continuing to do things that matter (no matter how small) each day.
So, with all this in mind, I am keen to know how you’ve been responding to that wakefulness during the night and how you’ve been responding to it on subsequent days. Have you been able to practice anything we’ve been exploring in the course up to this point?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Since all of us spend varying amounts of time awake in bed and many people do all different kinds of things when in bed other than sleep (and still sleep well), perhaps associating the bed with being awake isn’t really a problem — perhaps the problem is associating the bed with struggle?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There are so many huge insights here, it’s impossible to pull out just one or two — thank you so much for sharing, Tess!
I think that what you’ve shared here proves that no matter how difficult things are, no matter how hopeless things might feel, no matter how broken we might feel, there is always hope and there is always the opportunity to explore (and practice) a different approach that might help free us from what can feel like a struggle that will never end.
This isn’t an easy process. It takes time. It’s hard. And it can be done. As your husband has proved thanks to his own actions and your support!
Shoutout to Chee, too, for his suggestion to allow the time to be visible again when that felt like a step your husband was ready to take!
PS: I broke your post up into paragraphed sections to make it a bit easier for others to read and added links to the posts you mentioned. Your post is important so I wanted to make sure it doesn’t get missed and that everyone has the best possible opportunity to absorb all the great insights you’ve shared!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Have you considered allowing yourself to stay in bed instead of getting out of bed? When you do get out of bed, what’s your goal? What are you trying to achieve?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Have you discussed this with your doctor? If so, did they give you any suggestions?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum! Why do you want to get rid of the sleeping pills and how are you sleeping at the current time? Can you think of any ways you might be able to experience insomnia without it feeling as though you are living in hell?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds incredibly difficult and I appreciate you joining the forum to share your experience.
It’s encouraging to hear that you have been able to eliminate your sleep efforts and are trying your best to get on with your day and engage in actions that keep you moving toward the life you want to live, even when all this difficult stuff is present.
I am not sure anyone can successfully ignore difficult thoughts and feelings such as anxiety — perhaps we can temporarily, but it always seems to end up coming back, right?
With that in mind, just as there’s a way to move away from trying to make sleep happen (and that such an approach might be beneficial) perhaps there might also be a way to move away from trying to fight or avoid difficult thoughts and feeling such as anxiety (and that such an approach might be beneficial, too)?
Perhaps all the effort and attention required to engage in a battle with anxiety (and other difficult thoughts and feelings that are out of our control) can make things more difficult, consume more of our energy and attention, and — in turn — also make it harder for us to live the kind of life we want to live?
Having said all this I’d urge you to be kind to yourself because what you’ve described is very difficult. You are a human being and you are finding this difficult stuff difficult. None of this is your fault and you are not alone in your struggle.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Acat and welcome to the forum. Your experience isn’t unique or unusual — difficult, but not unique or unusual!
In the past when you traveled for work and sleep wasn’t an issue, was your approach to sleep different compared to now? If so, what were the main differences, and do you feel there might be any helpful insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting those questions — they’re common concerns for people struggling with sleep!
When you wake during the night (which is a normal part of sleep) how do you usually respond?
When you wake up tired, does that feeling stay exactly the same for the rest of the day or does how you feel tend to vary as the day progresses and in response to what you’re doing or what’s happening to you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thoughts themselves don’t usually consume a lot of energy. Some energy, yes — but not a great deal!
What can definitely consume A LOT of energy is trying to fight, avoid, or otherwise control our thoughts. Then we get tangled up in a battle with our minds, a battle our minds will always win. So, the battle continues until we are out of energy (and then the thoughts show up again).
How do you usually respond to the appearance of unwanted or unhelpful thoughts when they show up? Are you trying to battle them? Are you trying to get rid of them?
If so, have you tried practicing acknowledging them and allowing them to come and go as they choose instead? This is obviously easier said than done, but it’s an approach that might require less energy!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Olivia and welcome to the forum! What time do you usually go to bed at night, what time do you usually get out of bed to start your day in the morning and — over the past couple of weeks or so — what would you say your average nightly sleep duration is, if you had to guess?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
In my experience, people who say they fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow might be exaggerating a little (if we fall asleep instantly that suggests we might be sleep deprived). Most people without any issues with sleep take around 10-30 minutes to fall asleep, on “average”.
You raise an interesting question — do people fall asleep quickly because they accept it as a gift? And, why are they not acknowledging the appearance of difficult nights when they show up?
I think that, generally speaking, we tend to fall asleep effortlessly when we don’t get involved in the process of sleep. So, perhaps people fall asleep (or don’t get tangled up in long stretches of difficult nights) because of a lack of effort to make sleep happen?
Perhaps, even when difficult nights happen, they might be less likely to intervene and, as a result, sleep is able to recover relatively quickly?
Perhaps it’s not so much that they’re not acknowledging what’s going on (the appearance of insomnia) but that they are not acknowledging it as (or perceiving it to be) a problem that needs to be addressed or fixed?
Of course, when we’re faced with a problem most of us are hard-wired to try to fix that problem — and that’s where it’s so easy to get stuck because with sleep, the more we try to fix it the more tangled up we can get in a struggle with it.
Thanks for posting this topic — it’s an interesting area of discussion, that’s for sure!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Is your approach toward sleep different now compared to how it was a few weeks ago when it seemed to happen so effortlessly and so naturally? If so, what might that mean? Are there any insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum! Can you share your goals with us? What are you trying to achieve and what would be different in your life if you were able to achieve those goals?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
