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Thank you for sharing your concerns, Nik. If you give yourself the opportunity to sleep, your body will always generate — at the very least — the minimum amount of sleep you need.
As you know from experience, you cannot make sleep happen — but you can always control how you respond to nighttime wakefulness.
Ultimately, there are two ways to respond, right?
1. You can struggle with it (trying to fight or avoid it).
2. You can practice allowing it to exist (even if you don’t want it to!).Which option sounds most workable, do you think?
You mentioned that you practiced resting in bed — and difficult thoughts and feelings still showed up. That’s natural and normal. Your brain will always generate thoughts and feelings — that is its job. Some will feel good. Some won’t. Some will be helpful. Some won’t.
And, again, you get to choose how to respond to them — do you struggle with them by trying to fight or avoid then? Or, do you allow them to exist by acknowledging them and observing them? Which is the more workable option, according to your own experience?
Have you been able to get any practice in with the AWAKE exercise when you find yourself really struggling with nighttime wakefulness and all the thoughts, feelings, and stories that can come with it?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The thing about sleep is it always happens in the end. It’s impossible to remain awake indefinitely. When we’ve been awake for long enough, sleep will always happen. Always.
Nothing in this course can make sleep happen because sleep cannot be controlled. The only thing that leads to sleep is being awake for long enough.
What this course is intended to do is help move you away from struggling with sleep — from trying to make it happen, from trying to get rid of wakefulness, from trying to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with insomnia.
That’s because the struggle is what makes it all so much more difficult.
If, by practicing responding to all this difficult stuff with less struggle, you find that you are able to do just one thing that matters to you, would that reflect some kind of improvement over a scenario where there is nothing but endless struggle?
If you are practicing new skills that help you respond to wakefulness with less struggle, that help you refocus your attention during the day so you can better do things that matter, that help you move away from endlessly fighting with your thoughts and feelings, and if you are committing to actions each day that are aligned with your values and that keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live, then you are making progress. You are changing direction and moving forward.
Please ensure you are being kind to yourself when things feel difficult, too. None of this is your fault and you are not the only person who finds this difficult. It feels difficult because it is difficult. It often takes time and ongoing practice to free ourselves from struggling with all this difficult stuff — and it can be done.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing these great insights! Wakefulness is more likely to become a problem when we perceive it as a problem and start trying to get rid of it — because then we get tangled up in a struggle that makes everything more difficult.
It sounds as though practicing allowing wakefulness to exist (in your case, in the presence of different sounds), acknowledging whatever you are thinking and feeling when awake, and allowing yourself to rest in bed rather than putting pressure on yourself to be asleep in bed are all things you’ve been finding helpful!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The course is entirely self-paced — no prizes for rushing through it! Feel free to take your time — you have six months of access to the course materials!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing!
It sounds as though you’ve found it helpful to move away from chasing after sleep by going to bed later (when you’re sleepy) and by doing something more appealing whenever you find yourself struggling with nighttime wakefulness.
Great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s that brain looking out for you and generating some difficult thoughts and feelings (thanks, brain)! The good news is, you always get to choose how you respond to those thoughts and feelings. You can get distracted by trying to battle with them, or you can practice allowing them to come and go as they choose 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I suspect that your open and curious mind will stand you in good stead as you continue to work through the course, Spindledog! Have you also asked yourself how you made sleep happen back in the days when sleep didn’t feel like a struggle? Perhaps that might uncover further insights!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Can I control my sleep? If the answer is no, why am I following all these protocols and rituals that I have found on You Tube and heard about, such as all the sleep hygiene measures?
That’s a good question! Does your experience tell you that rules and rituals are creating great nights of sleep? Or does your experience tell you that they’re not really having any impact at all (and maybe they might even be making things more difficult by giving you a whole list of things you have to do each day and night)?
Back in the day when sleep didn’t feel like any struggle and didn’t consume any of your attention, what rules and rituals did you have in place? How did you make sleep happen back then? Perhaps it might be helpful to work on getting back to that?
I think your comparison between trying to make sleep happen and trying to urinate is very apt — the more we try, the more difficult it can become, right?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There’s some good stuff there, Spindledog — thanks for sharing!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The unregulated use of supplemental melatonin (a hormone) — especially in children — is of concern to many healthcare professionals.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the update @mikearbi18!
How are you implementing stimulus control (a way of responding to nighttime wakefulness that is explored more in Week 2) and why do you feel it’s proving to be so helpful?
Is drinking almond milk something you enjoy or is it something you’re doing in an effort to create sleep?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
How can we practice being kinder to ourselves when this difficult stuff shows up — and what might the benefits of that be?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Marie-C hit the nail on the head!
It’s all about intent — if you’re doing something because you enjoy it, great!
If you’re doing something only because you’re trying to make sleep happen then that might not be too helpful since sleep cannot be controlled.
So, if you enjoy reading in bed — why change that?
If you enjoy watching TV or looking at your phone or other screens before bed — why change that?
If those things were truly a problem, you’d eliminate them and sleep well, right? Has that been your experience? If not, perhaps that suggests that they’re probably not going to influence sleep one way or the other!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ditching the clocks at night is one less thing to occupy yourself with at night — and checking the time during the night doesn’t usually come with many benefits!
I don’t think the brain really associates the bed with wakefulness in a way that is a problem for sleep — so many people do all kind of things in bed other than sleep, and sleep well!
As mentioned by Marie-C, the real problem is more likely to come when the brain associates the bed with struggle. If it has learned that the bed is a battleground, it might be less wiling to allow sleep to happen — after all, it’s main job is to protect you and the brain doesn’t know the difference between a real physical threat and an imagined threat.
So, I don’t think there’s any need to respond to wakefulness just because it exists. And, I don’t think there’s any need to get out of bed just because you’re awake.
In short, if you like the idea of lying quietly in bed waiting for sleep, feel free to allow yourself to do just that!
We’ll be exploring this in a lot more detail in Week 2, but I hope this helps in the meantime!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard! As Marie-C mentioned, you are not alone — and what you’ve described is difficult and not unique or unusual.
It sounds as though you have one of those human brains that is doing its job and trying its hardest to look out for you by generating lots of thoughts and feelings, many of which can be quite difficult to experience.
Although we can’t control what the mind chooses to do, we always get to choose how we respond. And if we respond by trying to battle our mind, things can end up getting more difficult since that requires a lot of energy and attention!
An alternative way of responding might involve acknowledging our thoughts and feelings and allowing them to come and go as they choose — that way, we free up the energy and attention that would otherwise be consumed by that battle to do things that matter to us.
Easier said than done, of course, and it’s something that requires ongoing practice. We’ll be exploring all this in a lot more detail as you continue to work through the course.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
