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That sounds really difficult and no wonder you are worried!
What time does your sleep window begin, what time does it end, and how long have you been implementing it for? When sleep doesn’t happen during your sleep window, how are you currently responding to that wakefulness?
Although it can feel like it, insomnia is not a real, physical monster. Just like when we were kids and we were convinced there was a monster hiding under our beds, all our attempts to avoid looking under the bed made things even scarier, right?
And when we worked up the courage to look under the bed, to face that fear, what happened? There was no monster, right?
Insomnia works in a similar way — it’s really difficult and terrifying for as long as we try to fight or avoid it.
If we can practice being willing to allow it to exist we might find that it’s not quite so scary and it might even disappear completely. That takes the development of new skills and new skills take practice and time, right? The fact you are hear shows that your practice has begun!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
So much good stuff in here — thank you so much for sharing!
As you said yourself, realizing that a complete willingness to experience wakefulness is the key to starving insomnia of the oxygen it needs to survive is far easier said than done!
It often requires ongoing practice to respond in a different way that helps us move away from the ongoing struggle that makes everything more difficult. These are new skills and new skills take a lot of practice!
There are so many great insights in your post. I know that many people will be grateful to you for sharing them, just as I am!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes — just make sure your goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety. That’s something that cannot be controlled and might cause some struggle 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s understandable that you feel scared — that’s your brain doing its job and looking out for you.
It sounds as though your experience suggests that all the difficult stuff you described cannot be permanently controlled — you might be able to temporarily distract yourself or otherwise fight or avoid it, but it always seems to come back. Would you say that’s the case?
If so, perhaps all the ongoing (yet understandable!) effort to fight or avoid it might be making things more difficult?
For as long as your focus is on stopping something that you cannot make stop, it might be harder for you to live the kind of life you want to live and expand your focus so you can see (and experience) all the other stuff that exists in your life, in addition to all this difficult stuff.
This, in turn, might be making all the difficult stuff stuff you described even more difficult.
I hope there’s something helpful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’re welcome — I think there are always insights to be gained from our own experience, no matter how difficult (or seemingly unhelpful) that experience might be!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs at night are normal, just as ups and downs during the day are normal. No human being lives a life that only gets better and better and only improves day after day until the day they die, right?
So, please be kind to yourself and continue to practice responding to all this difficult stuff in a way that will help you move away from struggling with it.
You might find my podcast episode with Eddie helpful since he talks about his own ups and downs: How Eddie got through the ups and downs of insomnia by implementing a plan that stopped it from controlling his life (#46).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Andrea and welcome to the forum! I am yet to come across someone with chronic insomnia who found sleep hygiene helpful — it often does little more than add more rules and rituals that can make things more difficult.
Ultimately, the way past insomnia is a complete willingness to experience insomnia. Easier said than done though, right? It takes practice to build skill in genuine willingness — and I think it starts by responding to wakefulness (and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with it) in a more workable way.
That more workable way might involve acknowledging, observing, and allowing yourself to experience wakefulness (and any associated thoughts and feelings) without trying to fight or avoid all that difficult stuff. After all, it’s the fight — the struggle — that keeps insomnia alive and can make it so much more difficult.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though avoiding screens hasn’t had much of an impact on your sleep — so, if using screens after 6:00 PM is something you enjoy, perhaps that’s something you can reclaim from insomnia?
What is your goal when you get out of bed after being awake for 20 minutes? If it was working, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sure sounds as though you’re on a more workable path as you practice moving away from struggle and engaging in a battle every night!
It’s important to remember that your goal here isn’t to make sleep happen. You cannot make sleep happen since sleep cannot be controlled. The goal with moving away from trying to control sleep, your thoughts, your feelings, isn’t to make sleep happen — the goal is to build skill in moving away from trying to control sleep, your thoughts, your feelings.
Without the control agenda, there’s less struggle — and struggle tends to make things more difficult, right?
So, remember that when you’re doing something else during the night (like watching Family Guy) you aren’t trying to make sleep happen. You’re practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.
Since the goal is to practice moving away from struggle, there’s no need to get out of bed or leave your bedroom just because you’re awake. There’s no need to respond to wakefulness in any way at all.
If you find yourself struggling with it, then you have the opportunity to engage in an activity that might help you practice moving away from struggle — and that activity can be done in bed, if you’d rather not get out of bed.
I hope there’s something helpful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Ruth and welcome to the forum. What are you trying to achieve by doing things like not using screens after 6:00 PM and getting out of bed if you’re awake for 20 minutes? Were you doing those things before insomnia showed up, when you were sleeping well?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Melatonin doesn’t generate sleep — it’s a hormone that acts more as a signal for sleep. People with chronic insomnia don’t usually have any issues with melatonin production or regulation, so taking supplemental doses of the hormone doesn’t usually do anything.
Of course, if we believe that taking something will make sleep happen, we might then stop trying to make sleep happen — we delegate the effort over to whatever we take. And, in the absence of effort, sleep often become a lot easier!
So, with all this being said, I believe that you are sleeping because of your natural ability to sleep — not because you’re taking melatonin. If you have any concerns about this, I’d encourage you to talk to your doctor.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Ernie and welcome to the forum. You might want to start with my free insomnia sleep training course if you haven’t enrolled already. And, if you have any specific questions or concerns, please feel free to post them here 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though medication might not be the long-term solution you are looking for since it’s been something you’ve been experimenting with for so long. Do you feel it might be worth exploring a different approach?
Perhaps you’re ongoing (yet understandable!) efforts to control sleep might be the source of a lot of your struggle — and maybe that struggle might be making things even more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Lrf and welcome to the forum. It makes completely sense that you would have the fear and anxiety you described — that comes from your mind doing its job and looking out for you!
To answer your question, there is no evidence that chronic insomnia causes any health problem whatsoever. It can definitely make living the life we want to live more difficult, but it cannot harm us — the body knows how to sleep, it will always generate the minimum amount of sleep we need (when given the opportunity), and it’s often all our understandable attempts to make sleep happen and to fight or avoid wakefulness and what we might think or feel that makes things a lot more difficult.
I hope there’s something helpful here and that things improve for you. You aren’t alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When you make yourself stop thinking, are you able to stop all thoughts permanently, or do they end up coming back at some point?
The good news is that none of the things you listed prohibit sleep from happening. What can make sleep a lot more difficult is trying to make it happen. Engaging in a battle, trying to fight or avoid nighttime wakefulness and any of the thoughts and feelings that might come with it.
I wonder whether moving away from the struggle might help not only free up some energy (so you might be better able to do things that matter to you) but also expand your focus so even when all the difficult stuff you described is present, it’s no longer the only thing you can see? Do you feel there might be any value in that kind of an approach?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
