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All those concerns (and the associated confusion and mystery) often come with insomnia! And, all the struggle that can happen in response is very common, too!
It sounds as though you are exploring a different (and perhaps more workable) path — thanks for sharing!
Welcome to Week 2 of the course. Plenty more to come 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Aly — this is definitely challenging and requires a lot of practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The only thing you can do to promote sleep is to completely remove yourself from the process of sleep!
What things do we need to do to promote breathing? If we don’t need to do anything to promote breathing, perhaps we don’t need to do anything to promote sleep?
After all, they’re both biological mechanisms that the body takes care of all by itself — and they’re both things that can feel a whole lot more difficult (and distracting) when we try to get involved in the process.
You’ll always care about sleep and you’ll always experience the full range of human thoughts, feelings, and emotions (such as sadness and anxiety). What matters is how you respond to all this — because we can easily respond in ways that we know from our own experience don’t help and that move us away from living the kind of life we want to live.
It takes ongoing practice to respond in a more workable way — a way that might help reduce the influence all this difficult stuff might have over your life.
It sure sounds as though you are on the right track here, Milko!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing, Alya! As you mentioned, this isn’t easy — you’re learning and building skill in a brand new approach that will help you move away from struggle so you can better focus on doing things that help you live the kind of life you want to live. It sounds as though you are on the right path!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Were you able to use that difficult night as an opportunity to practice experiencing wakefulness without so much struggle, Alya?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’d suggest evaluating your sleep window each week and modifying it at that time if you think that might be useful. A four hour sleep window is very short and not something I would usually recommend but you are the expert on you, Grace!
Getting out of bed one hour later on one day isn’t a big deal 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Frida! Sorry for the glitch with the client badge — it’s been fixed now 🙂
You definitely aren’t alone — as a human being, when faced with a problem you are naturally going to try to fix that problem! Unfortunately, when it comes to sleep (and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia) the more we try to control it, the more we end up struggling.
That struggle makes things more difficult, it can consume so much of our energy, and it can make it harder for us to live the kind of life we want to live.
As you know from experience, rules and rituals don’t work — and that makes sense, because sleep and what we think and how we feel cannot be directly or permanently controlled.
The only thing we can control is how we respond to all this difficult stuff. We can engage in a struggle (which can make things more difficult) or we can practice moving away from the struggle and refocusing our attention on doing things that keep us moving toward the kind of life we want to live — even when all this difficult stuff shows up.
When it comes to your daughter being at home with you, perhaps it’s more important that you are spending time with your daughter. That’s something you can control. You can’t control how you might sleep when she is with you — but you can strengthen and enrich the bond you have with your daughter, independently of sleep, and perhaps that might have more of an influence on the kind of life you live.
Similarly, when it comes to having a partner, what’s more important (and within your control)? Having your partner stay over (even if that might create some sleep disruption) or not having a partner stay over in an attempt to protect your sleep (even though you might still have a difficult night if your partner doesn’t stay over)?
If you’re tired of letting insomnia be the boss of you, it sounds as though you have a big opportunity to act on that right now and to “fire” that boss!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello and thanks for your post!
As you know from experience, moving away from doing things that matter to us doesn’t usually help all that much — we end up doing less and all the difficult stuff still hangs around (or comes back). This, in turn, can make things even more difficult.
It sounds as though spending time with friends and going to the gym are things that are important to you. When you cancel plans with friends or don’t go to the gym do you feel better? Does insomnia disappear and never come back?
If moving away from doing things that help you live a rich and meaningful life doesn’t make you feel better and doesn’t permanently eliminate insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that might come with it, perhaps that’s an approach that isn’t helping?
If you absolutely feel as though you can’t (or don’t want to) do certain things, perhaps you can replace them with alternative activities that might feel a bit “easier” yet are still connected to your values and that help you keep moving toward living the kind of life you want to live?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow, such a powerful post — thank you so much for sharing! Great stuff here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Those ups and downs are not unusual — if only we could control them, right? Luckily, we can still control our actions, so we can continue to practice responding to all this difficult stuff in a more workable way. Practice is what counts!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing, Aly!
Remember that the goal of the AWAKE exercise is to help you practice responding to wakefulness with less struggle — to let your thoughts and feelings flow (just as you described), to practice being more willing to experience wakefulness.
It’s not intended to make sleep happen or to get rid of (or generate) any specific thoughts and feelings. You might feel calmer after practicing — that can be a bonus side-effect, so if it happens do enjoy — but it’s not the goal!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s a very short sleep window you have — did you mean midnight to 5:00 AM? If so, what made you decide on that sleep window?
To answer your questions:
1. Waking during the night is normal and, unfortunately, experiencing nightmares from time to time is normal, too. There’s nothing we can do to prevent these things from happening.
2. You can do whatever you like during the night — there are no strict rules here since nothing you do at night can make sleep happen. We’ll be exploring this a lot more in Week 2, but in the meantime you might want to practice allowing wakefulness to be present and to give yourself the opportunity to do something more pleasant if you find yourself struggling with it. Lights on or lights off, it’s up to you!
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That question is probably a bit beyond the scope of this forum! Sometimes it can be helpful to be guided by our personal values rather than by trying to avoid difficult thoughts and feelings since difficult thoughts and feelings will always come and go for as long as we are human beings.
Ultimately, you are the expert on you — in this course, we’re simply looking at how we might respond to difficult stuff in a more workable way. A way that keeps us moving toward the kind of life we want to live even when difficult stuff is present.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello again, Aly!
Since our goal is to move away from struggling with all the difficult stuff that’s out of our control (since the struggle often makes things even more difficult), we aren’t trying to make sleep happen when awake at night (that’s out of our control) and we aren’t trying to get rid of certain thoughts and feelings (we can’t permanently delete certain thoughts and feelings — they always come back, right?).
What we’re looking to do is practice responding in a different way — a way that might help us move away from struggle. So, when it comes to nighttime wakefulness that starts to create a struggle, you might want to engage in any activity that helps you move away from struggling — any activity that helps you practice experiencing wakefulness in a more workable way.
And, since the goal isn’t to stop wakefulness or certain thoughts and feelings, I think it’s perfectly fine to stay in bed when awake or to do something else in bed if you find yourself struggling. Of course, you could get out of bed if you wish — but it’s certainly not a requirement!
If we can build skill in being more willing to experience wakefulness and the difficult thoughts and feelings that might come with it, they might start to become a bit less of a problem and a bit less of a focus (and influence) in our lives.
We’ll be covering nighttime wakefulness and how to practice responding to it in more workable ways in a lot more detail in Week 2 of the course 🙂
I hope this helps in the meantime!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing all these great insights!
When we start to move away from the struggle we can find that all the difficult stuff we once engaged in an endless war with might start to consume less of our attention and might start to have less of an influence over us!
And, in the absence of struggle, sleep becomes more likely and it becomes more likely that we’ll do more of the stuff that matters — even in the presence of difficulty.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
