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Welcome aboard!
It sounds as though you have one of those really keen and proactive brains that is working hard and looking out for you by generating some difficult thoughts, feelings, and stories such as “What if you’re the only person who can’t be fixed?”.
What you’re going through is difficult and you are not alone! Sometimes sleep doesn’t seem to want to show up — just like sometimes there’s not not a break in the clouds even though we’d love to get some sunshine.
Sometimes there’s an obvious reason why sleep isn’t happening, and other times there’s not.
The good news is, no matter what your brain says, you always have control over your actions. So, you always get to choose how to respond to wakefulness when it shows up and you always get to choose how to respond to the difficult thoughts and feelings (such as worry and anxiety) that your brain generates as it does its job of looking out for you.
Since this stuff is often difficult and doesn’t feel good, our default approach is often to fight or avoid — and, since we can’t control sleep or what we think or feel (not permanently, anyway!) this can set us up for a struggle that can make things even more difficult.
So, as you work through this course you’ll be exploring ways of responding that might be a bit more workable and might help you become unstuck if you feel your current approach or response isn’t getting you where you want to be.
I wish you all the best on your journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Cindy also shared a lot of good stuff in our podcast discussion: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31)
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, the goal of the AWAKE exercise is to help you practice moving away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness and any thoughts and feelings that might come with it — nothing more than that.
If the AWAKE exercise is practiced with the goal of making sleep happen or changing what you’re thinking or feeling, it will never work because those things are out of your control — and trying to control what cannot be controlled only creates struggle (and struggle makes everything more difficult)!
It’s OK to see wakefulness as an unnatural state — we’re not trying to change thoughts and feelings here. We’re just looking to respond to them in a more workable way!
As for the next day being more difficult — yes, it definitely can be after difficult nights! Sometimes it can be helpful to practice refocusing our attention when the mind wanders or generates unhelpful or distracting thoughts and feelings that can make it harder to do things that matter during the day. That’s where getting some practice in with the NOW exercise can sometimes be helpful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful — thanks for sharing! Are there any particular skills you’ve practiced, or specific aspects of the course you found to be the most useful or helpful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ah yes, your mind will wander — you have a human brain in your skull after all (not a machine!) and it’s working away and doing its job of looking out for you.
When it wanders, you might want to acknowledge that with kindness (it’s looking out for you, after all) and then gently bring it back to what you’re doing.
Ultimately, moving away from struggling with all this difficult stuff is a brand new skill — and new skills take time to develop, right? I’d love to be able to play the piano but realistically, I know it will take a lot of practice to become even a passable piano player (although I would love to get immediate results)!
So, with this in mind, perhaps ongoing practice might be useful? Every time that struggle shows up it’s an opportunity to practice moving away from the struggle rather than reaching for that medieval sword and doing battle with wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with it.
After all, that struggle tends to make everything even more difficult, right?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
A few questions:
1. Why do you get out of bed when wakefulness shows up? What’s your goal with that?
2. Have you given the AWAKE exercise any practice when you find yourself struggling with wakefulness or the thoughts and feelings that often come with it?
3. What is it about wakefulness that makes it so difficult?—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear how difficult the past few nights have been. As you mentioned, it can be harder to practice responding to wakefulness with less struggle when things are really difficult — and, at the same time, perhaps that’s the most useful time to get that practice in? Without practicing a new approach, it might be harder to experience change, right?
Thanks for sharing that you’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise. Can you tell us a bit more about that? How do you practice it? Are you running through it once? Twice? More often? How are you practicing the final “E” of allowing yourself to Experience wakefulness with less of a struggle? What is your goal when you practice the AWAKE exercise?
As you know from experience, you can’t control sleep or the thoughts and feelings that can come with nighttime wakefulness — but you can always control your actions. That’s important since it’s your actions that determine whether you add struggle on top of all this difficult stuff and it’s your actions that determine whether you do things that move you away from the life you want to live or toward the life you want to live.
Since where your wife sleeps doesn’t seem to influence your sleep one way or the other, perhaps sharing a bed with her — if that’s something that’s important to you and contributes to the kind of life you want to live — might be worth returning to?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question! If you’re staying in bed for an extra 15-30 minutes because it feels nice and comfortable — you’re enjoying yourself — then I think that’s just fine!
If you’re staying in bed because you’re trying to make sleep happen or avoid certain thoughts and feelings, that might not be so helpful!
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Nobody can delete thoughts from their brain — they’ll always come back, no matter what we do. Perhaps trying to stop thoughts (and maybe labeling thoughts as either positive or negative) might be creating some struggle?
Worry and anxiety are normal human feelings and emotions. They are important, too. None of us would be alive today without them. We don’t need to fight them — and such a fight would be futile, anyway!
What we can do is practice responding to them in a more workable way; a way that doesn’t involve struggle. A way that helps us continue to move toward the life we want to live, even when they’re present.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum! You are not alone and you can get through this!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I am not sure we can “get over” them — the symptoms are real and they are difficult!
What we can do is choose how we respond to them and there’s probably two different ways to respond.
One way involves doing less (or none) of the things that matter to us — because we feel so awful, we withdraw from life. This is probably the default option for most human beings, and yet it doesn’t usually make us feel much better.
The other way involves acknowledging all the difficult stuff that is showing up, being kind to ourselves in return, and then committing to doing things that matter to us (no matter how small) — even in the presence of this difficult stuff.
The second option is often more difficult, but tends to be more workable and helps us continue to move toward the life we want to live even when things are difficult.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I wonder if the keyword here might be struggle? Whenever we are engaged in a struggle, sleep will be more difficult.
Perhaps when sleep doesn’t happen as quickly or in the same way as it did the night before, you might be getting a bit tangled up in a struggle that then makes things more difficult?
What do you think?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Any obvious cause of the sleep disruption when it shows up?
Sometimes we experience difficult nights from time to time — that comes with being a human being. Just as we experience difficult days from time to time. Sometimes there’s an obvious cause and sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes we can tackle that obvious cause and sometimes we can’t.
No human being lives a live where every day is good and every night is good. The more we try to make that happen, the more we can get stuck in a struggle.
Since sleep is out of your control, perhaps it might be helpful to focus attention on a workable way of responding to wakefulness when it shows up. What does that workable way look like for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That can be so difficult and frustrating! I think it’s important to recognize that there will always be difficult nights from time to time — that comes with being a human being and living a rich and meaningful life.
Similarly, with being a human being and living a rich and meaningful life, difficult thoughts and feelings like stress, anxiety, worry, and fatigue will turn up, too.
There’s just no avoiding that — and ongoing attempts to do so can pull you away from the life you want to live and make all the difficult stuff even more difficult.
What might be more important, therefore, is practicing and becoming more skilled in responding to this difficult stuff in a more workable way.
Practicing moving away from struggling with this difficult stuff, practicing refocusing on where you are and what you are doing, practicing doing things that matter — even after difficult nights, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings, and even when your mind tries to pull your attention away from where you are and what you’re doing.
“Trying to relax” might be setting you up for a bit of a struggle since relaxation is usually a feeling and something you cannot directly or permanently make happen upon command. Trying to relax in order to make sleep happen can really end up creating some struggle since sleep is another one of those things that cannot be directly controlled, either.
In summary, I’d say that ups and downs are all part of the process. There’s no such thing as a life without difficulty — but every time this difficult stuff shows up, you have the opportunity to practice responding to it in a more workable way that will help you do what matters to you, even in its presence.
You’re learning, practicing, and developing new skills. That takes time and isn’t usually something that people find easy! So, I’d also encourage you to be kind to yourself when things feel difficult, too.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
