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Congratulations on your baby and I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties you are currently experiencing.
You might find Cindy’s story helpful:
Cindy’s Forum Post: 100% cured from postpartum insomnia 🙂
Cindy’s Podcast Episode: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31)
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s OK for your nervous system to get activated and it’s OK to think about sleep. In fact, it’s OK to experience the full range of human thoughts and emotions. Some feel good, some don’t. Some are useful, some aren’t.
The true source of struggle often comes from all our attempts to control what cannot be controlled — to try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings. To battle with sleep and wakefulness night after night.
If we think about it, how likely is sleep to happen if we are going to bed in a full suit of armor, a sword in one hand, a shield in the other, ready to engage in a battle the whole night?
What if we could allow the brain to do what it wants to do (and will do anyway)? How freeing might that be? How much more comfortable might it be to lie in bed without that big heavy suit of armor (and sharp, pointy sword)?!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on the pregnancy!
Where I think traditional CBT-I programs can sometimes fall flat is that they can gloss over the legitimate thoughts, feelings, and emotions we experience. We are often encouraged to evaluate them or to change them — but I think that can get us tangled up in an endless struggle with our minds.
Unfortunately, we can’t control sleep, we can’t control wakefulness, and we can’t control our thoughts, feelings, and emotions either (at least, not for the long term!).
So, the understandable (and probably default!) human response to this difficult stuff (trying to fight or avoid it) is often the true source of all our struggles.
With this in mind, a new approach might be worth exploring — and perhaps that approach might involve moving away from trying to control what cannot be controlled and toward things you can control.
Actions that simply help set the stage for sleep and actions that keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live, even in the presence of difficult nights and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with them.
I wonder what the outcome of that might be?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As Chee implied, you can’t control whether or not you dream — that’s something your brain takes care of all by itself. The more you try to get involved in that process, the more you might be setting yourself up for a struggle.
I haven’t come across any studies that have found dreams create fatigue. Dreams usually occur during REM sleep, which occurs later in the night after the body has already generated all of the deepest and most restorative sleep.
I wonder if that fatigue might be associated with something else? Perhaps struggle? Perhaps what you might be doing during the day? Does it tend to change as the day progresses?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What a wonderfully supportive post — thank you for that, @Ryan!
Welcome to the forum, @Rita. First of all, allow me to share that you are not alone. Others are experiencing sleep disruption and all the difficult thoughts that come with it alongside you. That burden and struggle is shared.
You mentioned that you’ve tried CBT-I. Can you tell us a bit more about that?
It sounds as though a lot of your struggle might be coming from your completely understandable attempts to fight or avoid nighttime wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it. Since you can’t control any of that stuff, that might be setting you up for a struggle. I wonder if there might be an alternative approach to explore?
In terms of panic attacks, that’s not my area of expertise. However, I have read the book DARE by Barry McDonagh — and would recommend it. It’s also been recommended by a number of others here in the forum.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
First up, let me reassure you that you have not lost the ability to sleep — that’s just not possible!
As hiker mentioned, often the biggest issue with difficult thoughts and feelings is the struggle we engage in when we try to fight or avoid them — since we can never win that kind of battle (because nobody can control the human brain).
Your mind will always generate thoughts and feelings. Some will feel good, some won’t. Some will be useful, some won’t.
Thoughts and feelings don’t stop sleep from happening, but trying to fight or avoid them sure can — because then you’re going to war with your mind, and sleep is not likely to happen when you’re engaged in a battle, right?
PS: Your post was very detailed and coherent!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing your experience with worry — a feeling that can be quite unpleasant! Since it usually feels unpleasant we can often try to push it away. We can then get tangled up in a struggle, trying to fight or avoid worry (a normal human emotion) and that can consume all our energy and attention.
Worry doesn’t stop sleep from happening but trying to fight or avoid it sure can! I wonder if moving away from struggling with worry and allowing it to come and go as it pleases might be a useful alternative approach?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You might want to experiment with not checking the time during the night and not estimating the duration of any nighttime wakefulness. Instead, consider allowing it to happen — give it permission to show up. Maybe see wakefulness as an opportunity to rest.
If that wakefulness feels really unpleasant and you find yourself struggling, then you might do something else instead — and, if you’d rather do something else in bed rather than getting out of bed, you might want to do just that!
Since sleep and wakefulness can’t be controlled, I think the true goal of stimulus control is simply to practice experiencing nighttime wakefulness in a more workable way — a way that involves less struggle.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Have you encouraged your husband to get his snoring checked by a doctor? I wonder if that might be something worth exploring!
It sounds as though you might be under the impression that CBT-I will help you get rid of anxiety — and that might be the source of your struggle since trying to get rid of anxiety would be the same as trying to get rid of your heartbeat. For as long as you’re a living human being, you will have a heartbeat and you will experience anxiety!
Perhaps what might be useful is practicing a new approach toward anxiety — an approach that doesn’t involve trying to fight or avoid it and, as a result, getting tangled up in an exhausting struggle with it?
An approach that might involve acknowledging it when it shows up and even making space for it? It’s going to show up anyway and this way, you aren’t giving it every ounce of your attention and energy. Might that be useful, do you think?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you are a human being, you will experience anxiety — living a life trying to avoid anxiety would be a bit like trying to live a life without a heartbeat!
Anxiety is a symptom of your brain doing its job and looking out for you. Sometimes that anxiety is really helpful — for example, if a vampire knocks on your door you will feel anxious, not invite the vampire in for dinner, keep all your blood to yourself, and live. Sometimes it’s less helpful — for example, your brain might wonder what will happen if you don’t fall asleep.
The good news is, you always get to choose how to respond to anxiety. Often, the struggle happens when we try to fight or avoid it — because we just can’t control what the brain does (and we don’t need to).
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, Eibhlin!
What’s your cue to get out of bed at night, what do you do when you are out of bed, and what’s your cue to return to bed?
Oh, and while I am churning out all the questions, here’s another one: What’s your goal when you get up during the night?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Maeta! What’s the current approach you are taking now you’ve moved away from medication?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that you just got started with sleep restriction! When you wake around 3:30 AM, why do you think you find it hard to get back to sleep?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing — both of you!
How are you getting on, SleepyKel? Have you been implementing any other changes besides the “no clock watching”?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You can absolutely do both at the same time — I’ve worked with clients who have kept their medication the same while implementing changes, I’ve worked with clients who quit all medication before getting started, I’ve worked with clients who tapered-off while we worked together, I’ve worked with clients who didn’t make any medication changes until they felt ready to do so.
I don’t think it really matters at all — it’s a case of taking an approach that feels workable to you. And, of course, it’s important not to change your medication without talking to your doctor first!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
