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Thanks for the great question — I think this is something that can trip a lot of us up!
If we consider what people without chronic insomnia do in bed, many of them spend a lot of time awake there. They watch TV, they read, they use their phones, their tablets, maybe even their laptops. They sleep fine even though they do all these “awake” activities in bed.
So, why does stimulus control tell us we need to associate the bed with sleep and nothing else?
I think it comes down to the fact that many people with chronic insomnia spend a lot of time struggling when they are awake in bed. And it’s the struggle that’s the real issue rather than the wakefulness (since if wakefulness was the problem, all those people without insomnia who do stuff in bed other than sleep should have insomnia, right?).
So, I think a more useful way of implementing this can be to shift the goal away from trying to get rid of wakefulness when in bed (sometimes this can lead to more effort to make sleep happen, something that’s not usually going to be very helpful) toward allowing wakefulness to happen and only responding if it feels really unpleasant.
You might, therefore, give yourself permission to be awake in bed at night for as long as that feels comfortable. If it feels really unpleasant, you might give yourself the opportunity to do something more pleasant instead — and since the goal isn’t to get rid of wakefulness or to stop wakefulness from happening when in bed, you might do something more pleasant in bed rather than getting out of bed.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
How are you getting on, Maeta?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s not unusual in the short-term, Chewy! Sometimes it can be a lot harder to fall back to sleep when we wake during the night because we might be putting pressure on ourselves to fall back to sleep, we might be putting effort into falling back to sleep, or we might be getting tangled up in a struggle with the difficult thoughts and feelings that can show up — trying to fight or avoid them. How are you getting on since you posted?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’re definitely not alone, Jenna!
I wonder if there are any pregnant women out there who don’t experience anxious thoughts and fears! Perhaps those difficult thoughts and feelings come with doing things and experiencing things that are important and meaningful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing. Things sure sound difficult for you right now. I wish you all the best.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Most people don’t have any real idea of when they wake and when they sleep — probably because when we are asleep we don’t know what time it is and we don’t know how long we are asleep for (because we’re asleep, right?)! If you are filling out a sleep diary, best guesses are usually the best way to fill them out, in order to move away from clock watching.
When that panic and fear shows up at night, how do you currently respond to it? On those difficult days after difficult nights, are you still doing things that matter to you — or do you find yourself completely withdrawing from life?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Sara! You know, I always find it hard to read at any time of the day — I sleep fine but for some reason always find myself drifting off after reading for a while!
Have you tried allowing yourself to remain in bed when you wake during the night, and to perhaps give yourself “permission” to be awake? If wakefulness continues to feel really unpleasant you might give yourself the opportunity to do something more pleasant instead (for example, you might read in bed if that’s something you enjoy, until conditions feel a bit better for sleep).
When you don’t accept social invitations in the evening, does that make things better?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Since anxiety tends to show up from time to time, for as long as we are human beings, perhaps taking actions to avoid anxiety might be getting you a bit tangled up in actions that might not be too helpful over the longer term (since anxiety always comes back, right?).
Perhaps you might shift your goal to something you have a bit more control over at night. So, instead of trying to make sleep happen or trying to fight or avoid difficult thoughts and feelings such as anxiety, you might give yourself permission to experience wakefulness (especially since wakefulness is part of sleep) and if that wakefulness starts to feel really unpleasant you might simply do something more pleasant instead — and that more pleasant activity might be something you do out of bed, or in bed.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sometimes it can be useful to acknowledge the difficult thoughts and feelings that show up by naming them in some way, for example “Here is anxiety” or “I notice I am feeling anxious” and then to make a bit of space for them to exist. To practice observing them and allowing them to come and go as they please, without trying to fight or avoid them.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
All that being awake means is that you aren’t asleep — sometimes it becomes more difficult when we get tangled up in a struggle with it, trying to get rid of it or trying to figure out why it’s present.
I wonder if the “trying” was the cause of the struggle here? Trying to sleep, trying to get rid of anxiety?
Good on you for trying the AWAKE exercise — how did you find that? What was your goal when you tried it?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It can be frustrating and scary when any of this difficult stuff seems to come back, right? Hypnic jerks are similar to our thoughts and feelings in terms of the amount of control we have over them (and how they might respond to our efforts to fight or avoid them).
Perhaps it might be useful to practice the AWAKE exercise at night if you find yourself getting tangled up in a struggle with them and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that might come with them. And, perhaps during the day, it might be useful to practice the NOW exercise whenever you find your understandable concern about the hypnic jerks pulling your attention away from where you are and what you are doing.
If you haven’t seen it yet, you might find this YouTube video on hypnic jerks (and all the comments that go with it!) useful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you were to change your sleep window, what would your goal be? If it’s connected to trying to control sleep, it might not be useful!
What are the more difficult nights stopping you from doing each day, that you are able to do when you have better nights? If nothing, perhaps there’s no need to be quite so focused on them?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing, @Kriskin1! Unnecessary thoughts will probably still show up from time to time — that’ll be your brain looking out for you!
When you are able to reflect on any positive stuff that’s present even when things are difficult, you are helping to open yourself up a bit more to the world around you — and so perhaps some of the difficult stuff might be a bit more “diluted” when it shows up!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing and good on you for getting in some practice! Remember your goal isn’t to try to control your thoughts (we never have control over those) but to help you practice being a bit more present and better able to do things that matter when difficult or unhelpful thoughts show up and try to sweep you away or pull you away from doing things that matter!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I wonder if this might be a good example of how our desire not to experience wakefulness or other difficult thoughts and feelings can pull us away from living the life we want to live? If so, perhaps not traveling — if that’s something important to you — might not be a workable response?
If you agree, what might a more workable response be? How might you respond to the difficult thoughts and feelings that show up and how might you act in response to them?
Jet lag comes with international travel — there’s not a whole lot we can do about it (remember we can’t control sleep)! If you are following a sleep window I’d suggest simply continuing with it, keeping the start and end time the same but in local time. So, for example if your sleep window begins at 11:00 PM at home, you might start it at 11:00 PM local time when away.
More importantly, I wonder if shifting your focus onto the life enriching experience travel has to offer might be more important than any sleep window and, perhaps, even sleep itself?!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
