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Hello BelindaJK101 and welcome to the forum! The problem you shared is quite common!
When a bed partner puffs and twitches and tosses and turns it can be disruptive to our sleep, that’s for sure! I suspect there are a couple of approaches to take here:
1. Sleep separately in order to avoid this sleep disruption — but ask yourself first whether that’s an action that is aligned with the life you want to live (some people don’t care whether or not they share a bed with their partner and others feel it’s very important).
2. See if you might practice being more of a curious observer of whatever your partner is doing during the night. Sometimes, the “trigger” of the movements isn’t the real problem — it’s how we respond after the trigger. Most of us will respond by being angry/mad/frustrated, perhaps hear mental stories like “here we go again” or “tonight’s going to be impossible now” and then we start going to war with our thoughts and feelings AND the presence of our partner’s movements!
An alternative might be to imagine you are a curious scientist. See what you notice about those movements. Be more of a kind, independent, and interested observer rather than an opponent. Easier said than done, of course — but with practice that approach might help reduce the level of struggle your partner’s movements cause.
I hope there might be something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Have you been diagnosed with delayed sleep-wake phase disorder or do you feel the symptoms you described mean that you have delayed sleep-wake phase disorder?
My understanding is that those diagnosed with circadian rhythm disorders don’t usually struggle a whole lot with wakefulness after falling asleep — it’s just that their bodies want sleep to happen a lot earlier or a lot later than what is convenient in normal society!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What you are going through sounds really difficult, Phil — and your struggle is not unique or unusual. Here’s the thing about anxiety — sleep doesn’t care about the presence of anxiety! We can sleep when we feel anxious and we can sleep when we feel stressed and we can sleep regardless of any thought or feeling.
What tends to make sleep a lot more difficult is our struggle with our thoughts and feelings. When we try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings we engage in a battle with our minds — and we’ll always lose that battle.
As Scott suggested, a more workable way of responding to difficult thoughts and feelings might be to acknowledge them and allow them to be present — being more of an observer of them rather than an opponent of them might help you move away from endlessly struggling with them.
This approach isn’t easy and it requires ongoing practice, but if your current approach doesn’t seem to be working for you, perhaps a new approach might be worth exploring?
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Ellyboo — I wish you all the best as you continue on your journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing your insights!
The more we try to hold ourselves to a goal we cannot control (such as getting a certain amount or type of sleep) the more pressure we might put on ourselves to “perform”, the more effort we might put into sleep, and the more harshly we might treat ourselves if we don’t achieve the standards we’ve set for ourselves. When we take that route, we are on a journey toward disappointment and struggle.
The alternative is the abandonment of control and judgement — acceptance. And acceptance isn’t a final destination; it’s something that requires ongoing practice because difficult nights will always show up from time to time and difficult thoughts will always show up from time to time.
What matters, and what determines how much power and influence that stuff will have over us, is how we respond. We can battle, struggle, fight, avoid, and treat ourselves harshly. Or, we can acknowledge, observe, be kind to ourselves, and commit to actions that matter to us — even in the presence of difficult stuff.
It sounds as though you are on a workable path forward — and, as you shared, there will always be ups and downs because life is a journey 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I suspect that confidence only comes following repeated, committed, and meaningful action — and action doesn’t require confidence; it just requires action!
So, if moving away from medication is important to you, it requires the action of moving away from the medication — even if that means some difficult nights.
In my experience, the tapering process chosen is less important when it comes to success compared to having a clear tapering plan in place and sticking to it, regardless of how each night goes. And, of course, it’s important to discuss this with your doctor before making any changes.
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best!
PS: The human body doesn’t require medication to generate sleep — it can do it all by itself, just as it can generate breathing all by itself without medication. Problems tend to occur when we (understandably!) try to control a bodily function that cannot be controlled and doesn’t need to be controlled.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
All forms of insomnia typically last for as long as we fight them. In other words, the more we resist insomnia and the more we try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen through effort, the more difficult we are likely to find sleep. Has that been your experience?
As for mixing alcohol with zolpidem, I suspect that’s not a good idea — but it would be best to get an answer from a licensed healthcare provider.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
These are all great questions and they should probably be directed to a licensed healthcare provider for qualified answers.
Are you able to recall a time in your life when sleep wasn’t so difficult, didn’t require attention or effort? If so, was diphenhydramine/nytol liquid needed to generate sleep back then? If not, why is it needed now?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question!
My course cannot guarantee you a certain amount or type of sleep because, as your experience is likely telling you, sleep cannot be controlled and the more effort we put into sleep the more difficult it can become.
What my course can do is help you practice actions that will help create good conditions for sleep and move you away from struggling with being awake at night and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with that wakefulness.
When there’s less struggle, there’s more energy and attention available to live the life we want to live. And, as we live our lives independently of sleep, sleep tends to take care of itself.
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Matthew! It’s good to hear that you are practicing what you are learning from the course — you are taking action and action is what creates change!
It’s totally understandable that you went back for the Tylenol, Advil, and your sleep aid — and, even though it sounds as though that’s something you don’t want to do, you have learned something from that experience.
Your brain doesn’t care if you are awake or asleep in bed. Your brain only cares about one thing — protecting you.
If you struggle in bed, it can see the bed as a threat and is more likely to fire up to protect you. If you don’t struggle in bed, it’s far less likely to see the bed as a threat.
With this in mind, it doesn’t matter whether you get out of bed or not. What matters is what your intention is when you are in bed or out of bed. What you are doing and why you are doing it. What you are trying to achieve.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes, there will always be ups and downs. There can be no doubt about that! And now, when those “downs” happen, you can remind yourself of the time when you got eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, or six hours of sleep. You can remind yourself of the value of practicing the AWAKE exercise.
You know you are capable of good nights of sleep and you know that good sleep tends to happen when you are less attached to making it happen.
Thanks for sharing your growing awareness and the insights you are picking up on your journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you are within the hour or so before your sleep window begins and feel ready to go to bed, you might want to just go to bed. Some people find it helpful to stop checking the time once their buffer zone begins and then go to bed whenever they feel ready to go to bed. Do you feel that might be an approach that could be worth exploring?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good job getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise! Since “shallow sleep” is still sleep, I am not sure how it would be helpful to get out of bed when shallow sleep is happening. How do you feel that would help you?
To answer your second question, sleep doesn’t care whether you take magnesium or not. Your belief about whether it might (or might not) probably has the most influence!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question! There’s no need to get out of bed during your sleep window unless you want to. What matters is practicing experiencing being awake (and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with being awake) with less struggle. Being more of a curious observer of what’s happening rather than an aggressive opponent.
You don’t necessarily need to find enjoyment in activities you practice while awake at night — although that can be a bonus! What truly matters is that the activity is more appealing than the alternative (which is often battling with being awake, struggling, fighting, pressure, effort, and unhelpful self-talk).
Remember you aren’t trying to make sleep happen (your experience tells you that trying to make sleep happen doesn’t work, right?) — so the activity itself doesn’t really matter. Your goal here is simply to practice experiencing nighttime wakefulness with less struggle.
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Timh! Have you been diagnosed with OCD and the urge to move your body has been medically attributed to OCD? If so, I would suggest seeking medical advice on that.
If this is more of an observation rather than a medical issue, how do you currently respond to the urge to move your body and how is that working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
