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Hello Molly 🙂
Yes, people with problem-solving brains are likely to experience difficult thoughts and feelings in the days before (and during) things that matter. That’s your brain reminding you of what’s important (thanks, brain!).
When that stuff shows up you always get to choose how to respond. And it sounds as though you’ve learned that canceling plans that are important and that come with some difficult thoughts and feelings isn’t a workable strategy because you get pulled away from the life you want to live and all those difficult thoughts and feelings show up at some other time anyway.
I suspect you might be finding it hard to stop your brain time traveling or generating difficult thoughts and feelings because you cannot control what your brain chooses to do. And, if that’s the case, where does continuing to try get you? Perhaps that might be the source of some ongoing struggle? What might an alternative way of dealing with this look like?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I love that idea — thanks for sharing 🙂
Good on you for taking your time with the course. Action and practice is what matters — not racing through the materials as quickly as possible!
As for checking the time, sleep doesn’t care whether you check the time or not. What matters is how productive or helpful the action of intentionally checking the time happens to be for you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You mentioned that your amygdala gives you “too much” anxiety. I might be wrong here but to me, this implies there might be some (understandable!) resistance to anxiety. If I am off-base here, I apologize!
If I might be on the right track, I would say this: Quite often, the more we try to fight or avoid natural and normal (and difficult) human feelings like anxiety, the more powerful and influential they can become and the more difficult they can become, too.
You mentioned that you understand acceptance. How are you practicing it?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear of that all-day panic. I can only imagine how difficult that must be and I am glad to hear that your superpower of self-advocacy led you to be in close contact with your therapist about it.
It sounds as though you have been finding it helpful to give yourself the goal of rest (something you can control) rather than making sleep happen (something you cannot) when you go to bed.
That, of course, doesn’t guarantee that sleep will happen but it does help create better conditions for sleep to happen and helps remove any pressure you might be putting on yourself to control what is out of your control.
Something that stood out to me was you saying that you were “trying to manage your brain”. That might imply that you are trying to control your brain — and that can have a similar outcome to attempts to control sleep. It sets us up for an ongoing struggle.
You don’t need to think about anything when you go to bed because sleep doesn’t care what you are thinking about! What can often make sleep so much more difficult is engaging in a battle with all these things at night, trying to fight or avoid them. After all, how likely is sleep to happen while we are waging war with insomnia and our minds?
As for whether or not it’s OK to cry at night. Why would it not be OK? Crying often comes from natural, normal, and valid human feelings and emotions. You are a human being, not a robot. Things feel difficult because they are difficult. Please be kind to yourself. You are not alone.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The brain is always actively engaged. It never switches off or goes silent for as long as we are alive. If we try to control what our brain is doing, I think we might be more likely to struggle with what our brain is doing.
A sleep window can be helpful for anyone who finds they are spending a significant amount of time in bed awake and struggling — regardless of whether that struggle and difficulty happens at the start of the night or later in the night.
I believe a sleep window is best used as a tool to help us move away from chasing after sleep (and it does that by giving us an earliest bedtime and a consistent out of bed time).
If we use it in an attempt to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen we might set ourselves up for a struggle since, quite often, our own experience tells us that sleep is beyond our direct control.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Going to bed when conditions are good for sleep to happen (we are sleepy enough for sleep) can be helpful if you typically go to bed before you feel sleepy and find yourself struggling.
Getting out of bed or doing something more pleasant in bed can often be more appealing (and more helpful) compared to struggling and battling away in bed.
As for what’s “best” for you, only you would know (or be able to discover) that since you are the expert on you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on the new baby! What you are experiencing is hard and it’s not unique or unusual. You definitely are not alone!
Hopefully there’s something useful here: 100% cured from postpartum insomnia 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Rough patches can be disappointing and frustrating and they are also normal and to be expected.
What matters is how you respond. How are you choosing to respond? What specific tools from the course are you practicing, and why?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @PamelaLee and welcome to the forum! You have a clear awareness that a strategy of fighting insomnia might be a losing battle, since sleep is something that’s out of our direct control.
Fortunately, we can always control how we approach sleep and how we respond to insomnia — and that’s what truly matters.
What does accepting difficult nights mean to you? If you were successfully doing that, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Tiredgirl30! Not putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen is a great start! And, when it comes to sleep, it’s often about doing less rather than doing more.
Have the free sleep training emails offered anything useful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
No need to get out of bed if you don’t want to! What matters here is giving yourself an alternative to battling and struggling, trying to control what your experience might be telling you cannot be controlled (sleep, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling). That can be done in bed or out of bed 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum and thanks for the great question!
Experiencing panic/fear and noticing your mind ruminating is natural and normal. Your brain is always going to generate all different thoughts and feelings as it does its job of looking out for you.
How do you currently respond to those difficult/distracting thoughts and how is that response working for you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep can happen whether we feel sleepy or not — we just need to be awake for long enough for sleep to happen.
Most of us feel sleepy when we’ve been awake for long enough but if we have a lot of experience of struggling with sleep, heightened arousal can suppress sleepiness cues. That doesn’t mean they aren’t present, just that we might not notice them as easily.
This is a survival mechanism — the brain doesn’t want us to fall asleep if it thinks we are in danger (and, when it comes to insomnia, the brain can believe that being awake at night is a danger since we are often trying so hard to fight or avoid it).
Sometimes committing to a sleep window can help with this.
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Some people have found that when they try to stay awake, it can actually become harder to stay awake (perhaps because there is no longer any effort to make sleep happen).
What you’ve shared is one example of “exposure therapy”. And, perhaps you don’t need to force yourself to say up all night if you have the opportunity to experience periods of wakefulness each night anyway?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds really difficult. It sounds as though your experience is telling you that sleep is, ultimately, out of your control. You can set the stage for sleep but, beyond that, there’s nothing you can do to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen.
Fortunately, you always get to choose how you approach each night, how you respond to insomnia, how you respond to any difficult thoughts and feelings that often show up with insomnia, and what you do each day.
And, how you respond can often determine your level of struggle and/or how much power and influence all this difficult stuff has over your life.
What, specifically, are you looking to achieve here? What specific advice are you looking for? What is your primary goal?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
