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That’s a great question and it’s impossible to answer. It would be a bit like asking how long it takes to learn how to play a musical instrument — everyone is different. We cannot control progress — we can only continue to practice.
Since you mentioned that you’ve been in therapy for three weeks, I’d suspect that you are implementing techniques in addition to a sleep window — is that the case? If you feel you aren’t making sufficient progress at this point, I’d suggest discussing your concerns with your therapist.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Angel and welcome to the forum 🙂
I am yet to meet a human being who has been able to stop their mind from doing what it’s going to do anyway.
I wonder if there’s any possibility that your (totally understandable!) attempts to stop your mind might be what’s making things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult, @Raf99 — and I think it’s important to acknowledge that difficult nights will always show up from time to time, just as difficult days will always show up from time to time.
As you know from experience, sleep cannot be achieved through effort — there’s nothing you can do to make sleep happen when you are awake at night. Trying tends to make things more difficult.
Similarly, thoughts and feelings cannot be permanently controlled through effort, either. Of course, we can temporarily distract ourselves and we can try really hard to “not think” certain thoughts — but they always come back in the end.
So, what can be helpful is practicing moving away from trying to make sleep happen and practicing acknowledging and allowing your thoughts and feelings to exist and to come and go as they choose without trying to fight or avoid them.
For as long as your goal is to control your thoughts and feelings, your sleep, your cortisol levels, or anything else that you cannot directly or permanently control, you might be setting yourself up for an ongoing struggle.
It sounds as though you can be pretty hard on yourself when you have difficult nights. I’d encourage you to practice being a bit kinder to yourself — none of this is your fault; you cannot control sleep or what you think or feel. You can only control your actions — how you respond to this difficult stuff when it shows up.
You can practice responding with less struggle, or you can practice responding with more struggle.
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great to hear you’ve been getting practice in with the AWAKE exercise, Elkie! You might even want to go one step further when you acknowledge that anxiety — instead of saying “I notice I’m anxious” you might try saying “I notice I am feeling anxious” (unless your real name is “anxious”)!
It’s also great to hear you’re continuing to do things that matter, independently of sleep and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings 🙂
It sounds as though your ongoing practice of what you’re learning is starting to change your relationship with sleep (and nighttime wakefulness)! You are now using the possibility (and presence) of wakefulness as an opportunity to do something more useful and meaningful compared to going to war with insomnia and the thoughts and feelings that come with it.
In other words, you seem to be practicing a more workable approach. Would you say that sounds about right?
So, in conclusion, it seems as though you are on the right track — especially for so early on in the course! Every time you practice these new skills, you will continue to move closer to insomnia independence 😉
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the update, Czor. You’re right — there does seem to be less activity in the forums as the course progresses. I suspect it does suggest that people’s questions are being answered in the course materials and they are starting to get untangled from the insomnia struggle.
With that being said, progress is different for everyone. Practice is what matters. I think we should only compare ourselves to ourselves — does the path we are on now feel more workable than the path we might have been on in the past?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Czor!
It makes sense that inconsistency (something your experience might tell you is out of your control) creates some anxiety (something else your experience might tell you is out of your control).
Anxiety doesn’t stop sleep from happening, but struggling with it can definitely make the anxiety (and sleep!) more difficult — it’s going to be harder for sleep to happen when we are engaged in a mental battle during the night, right?
So, what might matter more is how you respond to that inconsistency and the appearance of anxiety. Are you getting pulled into a distracting struggle that consumes your energy and attention (and that risks pulling you away from living the life you want to live and the person you want to be) or are you practicing experiencing those things with acknowledgement, self-kindness, and less struggle?
If there was a magic “consistency” switch you could flick that would give you the exact amount and type of sleep you’d like to be getting every single night for the rest of your life, what would you be doing differently? What would you be doing then, that you are unable to do now?
I’m sorry to hear of your fall, @GenieB and wish you a speedy recovery.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s a good question, @tinatina86!
I’d suggest reflecting on your own experience to help guide you here.
If your experience tells you that canceling plans and doing less of what matters guarantees great nights of sleep and helps you move you toward living the life you want to be, then canceling the trip might be the right decision.
If your experience tells you that canceling plans and doing less of what matters does not guarantee great nights of sleep and ends up pulling you you away from living the life you want to live, maybe canceling the trip might not be the right decision.
Since you mentioned that you don’t want insomnia to step more from your life, it sounds as though going on the trip might be the right option — but you are the expert on you.
Something else that might help: In 100 years from now, will you look back on those 3 to 4 weeks and reflect on how you slept or are you more likely to look back on those 3 to 4 weeks and reflect on what you did and what you experienced?
What are your thoughts on all this? Is there anything helpful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
A nap of 20 minutes or less that is taken early in the day is unlikely to have much effect on sleep pressure 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As you have seen, @Elkie, you are not alone!
It’s totally understandable that you find nights of no sleep terrifying and that you feel very down and disheartened after those nights.
As you shared, making things more difficult are the circumstances you are going through with your daughter, too.
Some people with insomnia find it hard to fall asleep, others find it hard to fall back to sleep, some struggle with both issues, and some find their difficulties change from one to the other. It’s all the same thing — insomnia 🙂
Thanks for sharing that you have started implementing a sleep window. Is there anything else that we’ve explored in the course so far that you are practicing, too? Have you, for example, managed to get any practice in with the AWAKE exercise when all those difficult thoughts and feelings show up at night?
It might also be worth reminding yourself that you can still be there for your daughter even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. You might not be feeling as alert and functional as you want to be, but you can still be there for her. And that’s what matters.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, frosty! Many people find it helpful to take their time working through the course — six weeks really is a bare minimum and there are no prizes for finishing first!
If real change had happened already, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sounds like you might have uncovered an insight there, Czor 😉
When we try to control our mind, we can set ourselves up for a struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, @Sdzagrean! It sure sounds as though you are getting in some great practice with expanding the focus of your attention. In effect, you are “diluting” the role and influence sleep might play in your life by noticing that there is a lot more to your life than sleep.
Perhaps most importantly of all, you are continuing to do things that matter — even if that might come with difficult nights, even after difficult nights, and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.
The human brain will always generate thoughts and feelings, so it’s completely natural for difficult ones (and “easy” ones) to disappear for a while only to come back! What matters is how we respond to them 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello again, Chris! If you find that you’re filling your sleep window with sleep and finding it hard to remain awake at certain points in the day, I would suggest extending your sleep window. You might not fill it with more sleep or generate more sleep, but you will be giving your body the opportunity to generate more sleep should it choose to do so.
It might be helpful to know that many people (whether they struggle with insomnia or not) feel a temporary period of sleepiness around lunchtime since that’s a time when the body clock’s “wake” signal tends to temporarily weaken. We don’t know exactly why, but it’s quite common.
If you continue to feel excessively sleepy throughout the day or if that sleepiness becomes a concern or a risk (for example, you are doing something that requires you to be awake but you feel as though you might fall asleep without warning), I would suggest having a conversation with your doctor since, perhaps surprisingly, that’s not a symptom usually associated with insomnia (fatigue definitely, sleepiness not so much).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow — great stuff! Thank you for sharing the insights you’ve gained in such a short period of time!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When we consider how many people read in bed and have no issues with sleep, we might see that reading in bed doesn’t stop sleep from happening.
Insomnia isn’t maintained by being awake in bed — it’s maintained by all our efforts to make sleep happen.
So, reading in bed might be a problem if you are reading in bed in an attempt to generate sleep — because, as your experience probably tells you, sleep cannot happen through effort.
(Anything we do with the intent of generating sleep is more likely to create a struggle that makes things more difficult.)
If reading in bed feels good, is something you find pleasant, and if it helps you practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle I think it’s perfectly fine to read in bed.
Of course, if you’d prefer to get out of bed to read you can do that — but I don’t think it’s required!
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
