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Hello Jim — I appreciate the ongoing engagement and discussion! It sounds as though getting off clonazepam after four years was very challenging — and you successfully did it!
My apologies if my question about what you’d be doing if 7 out of 7 nights of sleep were good was not clear. I wasn’t looking for you to describe how to achieve that goal (especially since your experience seems to tell you that sleep cannot be accomplished through effort). I was asking you what you would be doing differently if that goal was achieved.
In other words, I am curious to know what obstacle your current issues with sleep seem to present. What they seem to be stopping you from doing. Not thinking or feeling, but doing.
When sleep doesn’t happen it can definitely become a struggle if we respond as most of us are hard-wired to respond— by trying to get rid of wakefulness and trying to make sleep happen.
It doesn’t have to be a struggle though.It is possible to build skill in responding to wakefulness with less struggle. It’s not about telling yourself not to struggle. It’s about practicing — through committed action — a way of responding that helps you build skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.
It sounds as though your goal is for every night to be good — and that’s totally understandable! Could such a goal have the potential to set you up for a struggle? If your goal was for every day to be good, how realistic would such a goal be?
To answer your final question — I cannot tell you what to do to experience good nights 100% of the time, just as I cannot tell you what to do to experience good days 100% of the time.
That’s because — as your experience seems to be telling you — sleep cannot be controlled. The more you try, the more you struggle. And, the more you struggle the more difficult everything becomes.
That’s why the focus of this course is about exploring ways of moving away from that endless, exhausting, and distracting struggle. It’s the struggle that comes with insomnia that sustains insomnia. It’s the struggle with all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with insomnia that makes all those thoughts and feelings more powerful and more influential.
It’s the struggle that makes it harder for us to live the kind of life we want to live.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If your experience tells you that you cannot directly or permanently reduce arousal, how do ongoing attempts to do that help you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Not blaming yourself for the difficult stuff that’s out of your control sounds like a good example of being kind to yourself, Luke!
I like how you have been inspired by someone you identify as being particularly kind and loving — and have thought about using that person as inspiration to help you show yourself a similar level of love and kindness. Great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Czor. If you’re concerned about the buzzing sensation, that would be best discussed with a doctor. It could be a physical symptom of hyperarousal but I am not a doctor!
If you find yourself struggling with being awake or any of the thoughts and feelings you’re doing so well identifying then that can be a good opportunity to practice the AWAKE exercise.
If you went to bed and fell asleep pretty quickly that suggests you were sleepy enough for sleep when you went to bed. Have you tried not even checking the time when you go to bed?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Just to add — you might also find Cindy’s story helpful.
We also did a podcast episode together which can be found here: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31)
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What does your experience tell you about the workability of trying to control what you’re thinking and feeling? Does your experience tell you that you can directly and permanently control what’s going on inside you? Does trying to do that have the potential to create a struggle that could make things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sounds like you are definitely a human being, GenieB! There are good times and more difficult times and, all the time, your brain is working away and looking out for you by generating all different thoughts, feelings, and stories!
New skills take ongoing practice and there’s often many ups and downs on the journey. Times when it feels as though progress is easy and you’re doing great. Times when it all feels hopeless and impossible. That’s normal. What matters is continuing to practice. Continuing to do things that matter. And continuing to be kind to yourself when things feel difficult.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Vanessa — and good on you for getting the practice in and for continuing to practice!
As you’ve become more skilled in the NOW exercise, how has that helped you? As you’ve become more skilled in the AWAKE exercise, how has that helped you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff here!
Remember that we are all different and that, ultimately, by working through this course you are practicing new skills. New skills take time to develop and progress varies from person to person. I think it’s a bit like how some people can learn a musical instrument really quickly and others take longer. Regardless of the speed of progress what truly matters is getting in the practice!
Good question about what “normal” sleep is — perhaps it’s similar to asking what a “normal” day is? Human beings tend not to feel permanently happy or permanently productive or permanently satisfied throughout the day, week, month, or year. We all tend to experience the full range of human thoughts and feelings as we live our lives.
And, just as each day has its own ups and downs, each day isn’t always better than (or even as good as) the previous day, right? So, perhaps it makes sense that sleep might be a bit like that, too?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I usually release them monthly — glad you are finding them helpful 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Luke — as you mentioned, there are so many things that can disrupt our sleep and many of them cannot be prevented (such as a barking dog or a car alarm going off)! And, our experience usually tells us that we cannot make sleep happen through effort.
So, practicing being kind to ourselves after difficult nights (and when things feel difficult) can definitely be worthwhile!
How do you practice self-kindness, Luke?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you learned something from that experience, Czor! Thanks for sharing that you were still able to get some practice in with the AWAKE exercise when you found yourself struggling.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I still don’t get how to “allow my thoughts and feelings to exist” works but I am no longer trying to push them away. I guess I can compare difficult thoughts to walking down the street and if I saw some garbage (difficult thought) on the floor instead of focusing on it I would just notice its there then soon enough I just don’t think about that trash anymore.
You’ve got it spot on, Czor! As you said, you are no longer trying to push difficult thoughts away — you are acknowledging their presence and then continuing on with whatever you’re doing. The focus of your attention has expanded.
When there’s less struggle, difficult thoughts and feelings aren’t going to consume as much of your energy and attention. When you make space for them to exist, they are less likely to get stuck.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
All human beings experience anxiety since it’s a normal human emotion. What can be helpful is making space for that anxiety to exist — allowing it to come and go as it chooses rather than using our energy and attention in an attempt to fight or avoid it.
Acknowledging the anxiety and being more of an observer of it (or practicing refocusing your attention on where you are and what you are doing if it shows up during the the day) can help us build skill in experiencing it with less struggle.
I hope this helps — and all the best with those kickboxing classes!!!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I think that’s fine, Izzy! Once you get to within an hour or so of the start of the sleep window if you are finding it that hard to stay awake, feel free to head off to bed 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
