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Thanks for sharing, Sdzagrean. It’s good to know that your process of reflection has helped you realize that what you are going through makes sense. There’s nothing going on that’s unusual, unique, or a sign that you cannot continue to move forward on your journey.
It’s natural and normal to experience difficult nights and it’s natural and normal to struggle with them and to experience difficult thoughts and feelings in response — feelings such as discouragement and sadness.
Learning and practice is an ongoing process. Consuming and understanding information is one thing and putting information into practice is another. And practice is what matters. It takes time, especially if the new practice is so different to what you might have been doing in the past. You can control practice. You cannot directly control outcome.
And, separately from all this, sleep is sensitive to what’s going on in our lives. So, when we feel stressed in our job, when we receive bad news, when life changes, heck even when we are excited — sleep can be difficult. That’s all part of being a human being.
What matters is how we respond. Because how we respond determines the level of power and influence sleep and difficult nights have over our lives. It’s really easy to get pulled back into the struggle and, no matter how deep we get pulled back into the struggle, we always have the opportunity to pause, notice this, be kind to ourselves, and change direction.
How might you practice being kinder and compassionate to yourself when things feel difficult, do you think? Has the course given you any ideas?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Acceptance is a skill that requires ongoing practice — pretty much everyone finds it hard, especially in the early days of practice!
What matters is getting the practice in (and being kind to yourself when things feel difficult).
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though going to bed when sleepy enough for sleep (rather than because you are chasing after sleep or responding to what the clock might say) and practicing refocusing your attention on where you are, what’s around you, and noticing what you are thinking and feeling with less judgement are all actions that are proving to be useful 🙂
A bonus side-effect of these actions can be the appearance of calm — but that’s not the intent. The true intent is to struggle less — and the struggle typically comes from trying to control what we are thinking or feeling, or trying to make sleep happen.
I wish you all the best with your ongoing practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Tim! As you mentioned, the reflection of your progress here is in the difference to how you respond to the difficult nights — not the absence of difficult nights!
Responding in a way that involves less struggle shows that you are building skill in a more workable response — and that’s entirely down to your own commitment to ongoing practice.
The fact you are also responding without judgement, are seeing each night as a fresh start, and are refocusing your attention on daily actions is also evidence of all the progress you’ve made in such a short period of time.
It also sounds as though you are becoming more skilled in living life in the present — not the past or the future (which is where our brains like to take us, by default).
Great stuff 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I love the supportive discussion here and the ongoing evidence of the existence of so many character strengths such as curiosity, exploration, reflection, determination, honesty, and tenacity!
Setbacks are a normal part of progress. They wouldn’t be setbacks unless we were comparing them to some kind of improvement that we’ve experienced! All setbacks mean are that we are human and that we are on a journey. When we walk, we trip sometimes. How do we respond? That’s what matters.
The AWAKE exercise can definitely be difficult to get your head around — especially at first. There’s a lot there. And, like any new skill, it’s going to be most difficult at first. And, it will likely get a bit easier with practice.
What matters is getting the practice in, playing around with it, seeing what works for you. Anything that helps you practice building skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle is probably going to be more helpful than continuing to struggle — so, feel free to modify the AWAKE exercise or do anything else that helps you experience wakefulness and any thoughts and feelings that might show up with less struggle.
Remember, too, that accepting anxiety isn’t supposed to get rid of anxiety — for as long as that’s the goal, struggle is likely to continue. This is about resisting it less — not burning all the energy and attention that’s required when we do battle with it. That battle makes things so much more difficult!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s a great insight — thanks for sharing, Christianna! Imagine if you gave your thoughts permission to be around for as long as they chose — then they might not need much of your attention at all.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great questions!
There’s no need to respond to being awake just because you are awake since being awake is a normal part of sleep. Perhaps that might simply be an opportunity to rest.
What can be helpful is responding in a different way if you find yourself struggling with being awake. At that time, you can practice a way to experience being awake that will help you build skill in experiencing wakefulness with less struggle — and that might involve practicing the AWAKE exercise.
Does this answer your question?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ups and downs are normal — and the nights of good sleep prove that your sleep system is working as it should and is generating sleep when sleep is needed.
It’s a lot harder to practice acknowledging and making space for difficult thoughts and feelings to exist at night — there’s fewer opportunities to shift our attention! So, you aren’t alone in finding that difficult! Having a clear plan in place for what to do when you find yourself struggling at night can be helpful.
In terms of dealing with wakefulness and anxiety in a workable way, if sleep meditations, the audiobook on the power of the subconscious mind, and buying books about unwinding the mind had worked, what would have happened?
If your goal with those actions was to get rid of wakefulness or anxiety, perhaps you are still tangled up in the struggle that comes from trying to control what your experience tells you cannot be controlled?
Imagine if the appearance of anxiety didn’t create a struggle. If its appearance was more like water off a duck’s back rather than something that pulled you in to an endless and exhausting tug of war. How might things be different? Does that sound more appealing and more workable? If so, how might you practice building skill in experiencing anxiety and wakefulness with less struggle?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you are acknowledging that the approach you shared isn’t working for you. Does that mean that changes are needed if you want things to change? If so, are you ready to make those changes — even though change can be difficult? What might those changes look like?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Tara!
If your goal with the AWAKE exercise is to practice acknowledging your thoughts and feelings and build skill in experiencing them with less struggle, you are on the right track!
If your goal is to practice acknowledging your thoughts and feelings so that sleep happens, you might be setting yourself up for more struggle since your own experience tells you that you cannot control sleep through effort, right?
Anxiety can definitely make sleep more difficult but it’s still possible to sleep, even in the presence of anxiety. What makes things even more difficult is battling with anxiety — because, after all, how likely is sleep to happen if we are at war with our minds? The brain is probably less likely to allow sleep to happen if it’s engaged in a battle.
If one of your goals is to not allow sleep to consume you, how are the ongoing attempts to control sleep helping you move closer to that goal?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
The example you gave in your first post is correct — if you are averaging less than six hours of sleep at the current time, a six hour sleep window would be 1:00 AM to 7:00 AM. And, the idea is that no matter how you sleep at night, you will still be out of bed at 7:00 AM.
A sleep window is usually based on how you are sleeping now, rather than how you want to be sleeping.
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Does the knot itself stop sleep from happening or might the desire — or effort — to get rid of the knot be making sleep more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for being willing to experiment with a new approach — this is clear evidence of your growth mindset and understanding that change is possible!
The presence of anxiety can be really difficult. There can be no doubt about it. When it shows up you have a choice — fight and battle and struggle, or acknowledge and observe and be kind to yourself. Only you know which option might be best for you since you are the expert on you.
Congratulations on your pregnancy — that can definitely make things feel more complicated (and exciting)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing! It’s great to read how your relationship with sleep, anxiety, and hyperarousal has changed — and that’s all down to your own efforts to explore and practice new skills that help you respond in a way that doesn’t require an ongoing battle and struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello bkw and thanks for sharing your experience.
You mentioned that eight hours of continual reading at night led to daytime distress. What was the alternative to eight hours of reading at night (in other words what did you do before you read for eight hours) and did that create less daytime distress?
Many people find that when there’s an anticipated stressor, sleep becomes a lot more difficult — and that’s often (but not always) because we can put more pressure on ourselves to sleep. Quite often, the more we try to make sleep happen the more elusive it becomes.
To answer your questions:
(1) Has anyone else seen or experienced this kind of sudden-onset trauma-induced insomnia?
I am not a doctor, but I have heard of many people describing their onset of insomnia as coming from a specific trauma or a specific event in their lives.
It can sometimes feel as though sleep is impossible without sedation (and is sedation the same as sleep?) — and yet, the human body will ALWAYS sleep once it has been awake for long enough, just as it will always generate a breath when enough time has passed since the last breath.
Typically, we need to stay awake for longer and generate more sleep drive the more we are trying to make sleep happen and/or the more we are trying to control what we are thinking or feeling, because that can make our brain think there’s some kind of threat to wakefulness and so stays alert to protect us from that threat. This temporarily overrides sleepiness (and sleep) — we’d all be dead without that safety mechanism — but sleep will still win out in the end.
(2) Now that I’m a bit more regulated, could CBTi work given the clear traumatic origins of my sleep issues, or do I have to figure out how to address this trauma first?
I would suggest discussing that with a CBT-I therapist to get their opinion.
(3) Assuming that CBTi might be effective, how important is it to get off the mirtazapine?
It’s possible to engage in CBT-I while taking medication — again, that is a question best directed toward a CBT-I therapist.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
