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I appreciate your ongoing exploration and consideration — all signs of your growth mindset 🙂
Yes, as with life, there are always going to be “grey areas”. One reason why this course explores values in so much detail is they can be used as a guide in situations like this. When faced with a choice you might ask yourself if a considered action is aligned with your values — if it moves you toward the life you want to live or if it pulls you away from the life you want to live.
Quite often, using our values as a guide is more helpful (and workable) compared to using our feelings as a guide. When we use our feelings as a guide we can sometimes get pulled away from the life we want to live in an attempt to fight or avoid difficult feelings.
When it comes to being awake in bed, I don’t think there’s any need to do anything just because you are awake. It’s normal to spend time awake in bed and it’s OK to spend time awake in bed!
If you find yourself struggling, then you have the opportunity to practice experiencing being awake with less struggle (maybe by practicing the AWAKE exercise, for example).
There’s also no need to ever get out of bed just because you are awake, unless you want to. You might, for example, simply do something more appealing while in bed — anything that helps you practice being awake with less struggle.
I hope there’s something helpful here 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Time and consistent, ongoing practice is what counts! It sounds as though, in addition to staying in bed when awake at night you are also noticing progress when it comes to your level of struggle with being awake. And, that’s thanks to your ongoing practice — you can’t control what your brain does (or when) just as you cannot control your sleep. However, you can always control your actions. The more you practice, the more you build these new skills — and that’s rarely easy and usually comes with a lot of ups and downs along the way.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello SCTwo!
Thanks for sharing that you are practicing the AWAKE and NOW exercises! It sounds as though you might be under the impression that they are supposed to get rid of fear — and for as long as you try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings you might be setting yourself up for an ongoing struggle since people cannot usually permanently control what they think or feel through effort. There’s no delete button for the brain, after all.
Where the AWAKE and NOW exercises can be helpful is in helping you build skill in experiencing fear (or any other difficult thought and feeling) with less struggle. If thoughts and feelings don’t create a struggle, they can start to lose their power and influence over us.
This might be where Packer Fan’s practice of repeating the word “insomnia” over and over was helpful. Instead of trying to fight or avoid the thought of insomnia, they deliberately exposed themselves to the thought of it, over and over again. The thought of insomnia is still there — but there was a change in its power and influence.
Is there anything useful here?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Packer Fan!
It’s good to hear that you’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise — remember your goal with that isn’t to make sleep happen (as your experience seems to be telling you, the more effort you put into sleep the more difficult it can become). The goal is to practice and build skill in experiencing being awake (and experiencing the thoughts and feelings that might show up) with less struggle.
Exploring values can sometimes be difficult and confusing — can you tell me a bit more about what you are struggling with there? Are you finding it hard to identify your values, or to focus on a small number of them, or is it something else?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Hyhan — it’s totally natural and normal to find yourself getting pulled back into the struggle when difficult nights show up. That’s a well-trodden path with very little resistance, after all! It’s also natural and normal to experience fear and anxiety since they are normal human emotions.
When difficult nights show up, it can feel as though the struggle is inevitable — that it’s guaranteed to happen. And yet, since you can always control your actions, you always have the opportunity to continue cutting a new path — a new direction.
Instead of battling with all these “invisible enemies”, you might respond by practicing the skills shared in this course (if you feel that might be useful). And, every time you practice, you build skill in those practices.
I hope there’s something useful here. Difficult nights ARE difficult — so please try to be kind to yourself, too 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise! And, it’s perfectly OK to give yourself 20 more minutes of rest when that feels good 🙂
Your post demonstrates your growth mindset and recognition that things — no matter how difficult — can change. I would also agree that labeling changes as experiments can be very helpful — none of us can predict the future, after all!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insights, Rubylight! It sounds as though you are developing a greater awareness of what you are thinking and feeling and the stories your brain might be coming up with as it does its job of looking out for you!
It also sounds as though, by giving yourself permission to be awake at night, you might be taking some of the pressure off — and, in turn, you might also be demonstrating some additional self-kindness, too.
Great stuff 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that you are starting to feel more comfortable with being awake, Tim! I agree that is big!
Remember that the goal of the AWAKE exercise isn’t to make you feel calm (although that can sometimes happen as a bonus side-effect). The true goal is to help you practice and build skill in experiencing wakefulness (and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with it) with less struggle.
You are showing great awareness of what you are feeling and experiencing when you are awake at night and awareness is often the first step away from struggling with what you are feeling and experiencing — because awareness can sometimes give us a bit of “breathing room” that helps us choose how to respond 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’ll take your comments about falling asleep to my voice as a compliment 😉
Many people find that distracting the mind can be helpful every now and then in the short term. However, since we cannot directly or permanently control the part of our mind that generates thoughts, feelings, and sleep, many people find that it’s not all that helpful over the long term.
With that being said, we are all different and everyone here is the expert on themselves!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the course, Tara!
Your question is a good one — and, since we cannot control sleep (you probably wouldn’t be here if we could!) I suspect the answer is that we cannot end zero sleep nights through effort. And, perhaps it’s all the effort we might (understandably!) put into trying to end nights with no sleep that make them more likely to happen?
In the past, when sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern, did you need to try so hard?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great question! Since your brain’s main job is to look out for you, if it believes it has to “gear up” for a battle with sleep once you get into bed, perhaps that might explain the apparent loss of sleepiness? What are your thoughts?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing — as you’ve seen, you aren’t alone!
It can be very difficult to interpret sleep! Sometimes we can remember dreams and sometimes we can’t. Sometimes it can feel as though we slept when we might not have slept and sometimes it can feel as though we didn’t sleep when we did sleep.
Something that might be with exploring is how you respond to nights when you remember dreaming, nights when you don’t remember dreaming, nights when you feel like you slept, and nights when you feel like you didn’t sleep.
Is there a difference? Do you live your life differently? Does the focus of your attention change? And, how do those responses help you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question! If your experience tells you that you can sleep without intentionally relaxing, perhaps that suggests that trying to relax is an approach that might not be needed and might even be making things more difficult?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great point and you make perfect sense!
The course discourages actions that involve trying to control sleep, trying to make a certain amount of sleep happen, trying to get rid of wakefulness when it shows up, trying to fight or avoid difficult thoughts and feelings — and that’s because our experience usually tells us that none of that stuff can be controlled and actions that are intended to control what cannot be controlled usually create a struggle that makes things more difficult.
So, napping in an effort to chase after sleep can create a struggle. Staying in bed or returning to bed in an attempt to get rid of fatigue can create a struggle. As you said, both those actions can also reduce sleep drive, too.
Any behaviors that repeatedly result in you engaging less in life and doing less of what’s important to you as you try to make a certain amount or type of sleep happen or try to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings can create more struggle.
(By the way, these are just examples — I make no claim to know your true intent or exact situation and circumstances since only you know that and you are the expert on you!)
To go back to your examples, taking a nap and/or returning to bed for an hour or two might be occasional acts of self-care that don’t pull you away from meaningful actions that help you engage in the world and live the life you want to live. And they are things that many people do — not all the time, but every now and then, right?
People without insomnia who don’t seem to follow any of the “rules” seem to approach sleep with flexibility rather than rigidity. Nothing related to sleep seems to be forbidden. Sleep is effortless and largely inconsequential to them. And so, they might take a nap in the day knowing full well they might not get sleepy until later that night because of it (just like some of us drink a bit too much when we are out having fun, knowing all too well that we won’t feel good the next day). All actions come with trade-offs 🙂
Ultimately, as you know from experience, the more you chase after sleep the more elusive it becomes. And the more rules and rituals we have in relation to sleep, the more likely we might be to get tangled up in a struggle and get pulled away from doing things that help us live the life we want to live.
So, if naps and returning to bed aren’t actions that create a struggle and aren’t actions that pull you away from the life you want to live, how can they be “bad”? If, on the other hand, they are creating a struggle, they are drawing your focus toward sleep and away from doing things that matter, how can they be “good”? And, there’s probably some middle-ground in between, too — since life is rarely black and white!
Does this help any?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard and congratulations on your decision and willingness to explore a new approach. I wish you all the best with the course 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
