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Hello Czor — that can feel quite mysterious (and frustrating) can’t it? And yet, there’s no mystery to it!
The more we try to fight or avoid wakefulness (whether that’s happening now or in the past), the more the brain can learn to think of wakefulness as a threat that it needs to be more alert to protect us from at night.
This is why we might feel sleepy and tired during the day (a time when we’re not trying to make sleep happen and when we are less likely to be tangled up in a battle with sleep) and why it can feel as though that disappears when it’s time to go to bed (or when we get into bed).
So, ultimately, the key is to train the brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat — and that can be done by moving away from trying to make sleep happen, trying to get rid of wakefulness, and/or trying to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia. To respond to all this difficult stuff in a different, more workable way.
I also touched upon this in the Week 2 lesson “Revisiting the Sleep Window”. I’ve pasted the relevant section below and I hope you find it helpful:
I find it really hard to stay awake for the start of my sleep window and then I feel wide awake as soon as I get into bed
This can be really difficult but it’s not unusual. Before it’s time to go to bed, your brain isn’t trying to protect you from nighttime wakefulness — so you feel sleepy. When it’s time to go to bed your brain can activate that “fight or flight” response that can make you feel wide awake and often comes with a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings.
To help with staying awake before the start of your sleep window, any activity that involves some movement can be helpful.
And, as you continue to work through this course we’ll be exploring ways to respond to the loss of sleepiness and/or the appearance of anxiety and any other difficult thoughts and feelings that can show up when it’s time to go to bed.
In effect, you will be helping to train your brain that nighttime wakefulness isn’t a threat it needs to be alert to protect you from at night!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Czor! There aren’t usually any advantages to checking the time during the night and it can easily pull us into a struggle, just as you shared!
It’s good to hear that you are practicing the AWAKE exercise when you find difficult thoughts and feelings showing up during nighttime wakefulness. Remember your goal with that exercise isn’t to get rid of those thoughts and feelings — it’s to practice acknowledging them and making space for them to exist. To build skill in moving away from struggling with them 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
This is great to hear — please be sure to give yourself credit for working through the course and what it shares, too. It’s one thing to have the course available but quite another to consume the information and to act upon it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
There are no stupid questions here, Izzy!
The body prioritizes deep sleep so it happens earlier in the sleep period (not necessarily earlier in the night since you might not be asleep yet)!
So, if you don’t fall asleep until 4:00 AM then your body will be generating deep sleep shortly after 4:00 AM.
I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes. Everything is paced to allow at least a minimum amount of time for practice before moving on. Week 2 will open exactly one week after you complete Week 1.
If you enrolled with the 1-on-1 email coaching option you can email me directly and we can discuss any issues you’d like to explore further, even if they haven’t been covered in the course yet.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome, Chris!
Firstly, I just wanted to share that it’s perfectly OK to stay in bed if you’d rather be in bed when you’re awake. There’s no need to get out of bed just because you’ve been awake for 15-20 minutes unless you’re finding that really helpful 🙂
It sounds as though when you wake during the night (which is a normal part of sleep) you are experiencing a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings (including physical feelings). That is natural and normal and is a common part of the insomnia struggle.
What can often make things more difficult is when we (understandably!) try to fight or avoid all these things since then they can push back even harder and it can feel as though they become even more powerful. Has that been your experience?
As you mentioned, you aren’t alone — and we’ll be exploring all the issues you mentioned as you work through the course!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s natural and normal for your mind to generate thoughts — especially when those thoughts are related to things it sees as a problem or a threat.
Your brain might generate thoughts about sleep every hour, every minute, every second, or even more often than that. And, it sounds as though your experience tells you that you cannot stop those thoughts from happening. So perhaps it might be worthwhile to practice allowing those thoughts to come and go instead?
When we try to fight or avoid thoughts we can set ourselves up for a struggle that makes things more difficult. If we can practice making space for those thoughts to come and go as they choose, we might have more energy to do things that matter and they might start to consume less of our energy and attention.
We’ll be exploring all this in a lot more detail as the course progresses 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I would suggest resting and recuperating. You can revisit what you’ve been learning when you feel better. Right now your priority should probably be resting and healing.
I hope you feel better soon.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, Aleta. Did anything in particular happen over the past eight days that might help explain why your sleep has been better over the past eight days?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes, anxiety can be really difficult — I am not sure anyone finds it easy to experience anxiety and I don’t think anyone wants to experience anxiety!
Since it doesn’t feel good, most human beings will try to fight or avoid anxiety — and that’s where we can get tangled up in a struggle that makes things more difficult since the mind will often push back and fight our efforts (because it’s generating anxiety to protect us from a real or imagined threat).
And, perhaps sleep might be less likely to happen if we’re busily engaged in a furious battle with our minds in the middle of the night.
I hope there’s something useful here 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Fady. How do you think you might break that habit and why is breaking that important to you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing these insights, Luke.
Something in particular that really stood out was this sentence:
Today I’ve had the chance to think quite a bit on my reaction to the lack of control (over sleep) that insomnia represents, and have had to again reframe that stress as only being endurable if I consciously chose a more productive response.
This stood out for me because it suggests that when you respond to a difficult night, stress, or the realization that you cannot control sleep in a way that moves you away from struggle and toward the life you want to live — for example by continuing to do things that matter — then at least all that difficult stuff is serving some kind of purpose, right?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff — thanks for sharing!
As you mentioned, the anxiety will still show up — that’s natural and normal — but your resistance to it is falling. Your response to it is becoming more workable. As a result, it’s becoming less influential and creating less struggle as you are less inclined to get pulled into a struggle with it.
Thanks again for sharing your experience and insights 🙂
PS: Everyone here is brave, and probably far stronger than they imagine or give themselves credit for.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s quite common and, in fact, I just responded to a similar post from another client in the Week 1 forum: https://insomniacoach.com/forums/topic/yo-yo-effect-anyone/
If your sleep window begins around midnight, I don’t think working out between 6:30 PM to 8:00 PM is going to have much of an impact on sleep — you could always experiment with morning workouts if working out in the morning is aligned with the kind of life you want to live.
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It’s great to feel funny, happy, outgoing, and energetic — who wouldn’t want to feel that way, right? And yet, we cannot really control any of that. We cannot make ourselves feel those things (there’s no “happy” switch, for example) — just as we cannot make sleep happen.
With that in mind, perhaps trying to make certain feelings happen (or trying to get rid of others) has the potential to make things more difficult since all that trying can end up consuming your energy and attention indefinitely since those are things you cannot directly control.
What if, instead of trying to get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings, that energy and attention was used to do things that matter instead? To engage in actions that are important, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings?
How might things be different then?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
