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Hello @RoadWorn and welcome to the forum!
From reading your post, it sounds as though you might be getting a bit tangled up in trying to control your sleep. This is something that trips a lot of people up.
If we implement sleep restriction with the intent of making a certain amount or type of sleep happen, we can end up struggling as we “chase the numbers” or otherwise put pressure on ourselves to make sleep happen.
Ultimately, we cannot make a certain amount or type of sleep happen through effort. The more we try, the more we can struggle.
It might be helpful to think of sleep restriction as a single tool that is intended to help you move away from chasing after sleep — from doing things like going to bed earlier or staying in bed later in an effort to make more sleep happen.
If it’s used in an attempt to achieve a specific sleep efficiency or a certain amount of sleep, it has the potential to create more struggle — not less.
Have you discussed your concerns with your therapist? Perhaps it might be time to explore or practice some additional tools that might help you respond to wakefulness and difficult nights in a different way if you find they’re currently creating a lot of struggle?
I hope there’s something useful here and I wish you all the best.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I admire your tenacity, sticking with it for six weeks — that’s not easy!
You might want to look through the insomnia success stories here in the forum and on the Insomnia Coach podcast — the general theme among them seems to be that sleep improves when there’s less effort to make sleep happen.
In other words, as we move away from trying to fight or avoid insomnia (and the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with insomnia) things start to get a bit better.
Can you remember a time when sleep wasn’t an issue or a concern? If so, was your approach to sleep back then different to your approach now? Are there any insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are not alone, Sig.
As I respond to your post, I notice that I have a slight headache, my back is aching, and — earlier in the day — I also noticed some muscle twitches. And yet, I do not have insomnia. Perhaps those things sometimes come with being a human being? Of course, we’d rather they weren’t present, but they show up from time to time anyway. Perhaps because of how we slept and perhaps for any other number of reasons.
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep and the average adult gets closer to six hours of sleep than eight hours. What is your goal? When you wake after five to six hours of sleep, why do you feel that you can’t get any more sleep? When you wake after five to six hours of sleep, what do you do next?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What a traumatic experience — I am sorry you went through that and I am not surprised it generated so many truly difficult (and completely valid and understandable) feelings.
In such circumstances, I would be more surprised if you were sleeping well!
It sounds as though your experience is telling you that putting more effort into sleep (for example by adding more rules and rituals, pills, supplements) isn’t proving to be effective.
So, what might a potentially more effective approach involve? If you reflect on how you approached sleep before this awful experience — when it wasn’t an issue or a concern, is there a difference between then and now? If so, are there any insights there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, Kylie. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you’ve been experiencing.
It sounds as though medication isn’t proving to be an effective long-term solution for you — and that makes sense, since they don’t really get to the “fuel supply” of insomnia, which is (perhaps ironically) all the effort we put into getting rid of it!
The more we try to fight or avoid insomnia, the more oxygen we give it — it’s a bit like how playground bullies thrive on the attention and the reaction they get.
It sure can feel really confusing when you wake at night and find that more sleep just won’t happen, right? And yet, there’s no mystery to it. If that happens, one (or more) of the following are probably the reason:
1. You aren’t sleepy enough for more sleep.
2. You are putting pressure on yourself to sleep.
3. You are putting effort into making sleep happen.
4. You are trying to fight or avoid the difficult thoughts and feelings that might be showing up.Do any of those sound relevant to your own experience?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I really appreciate your kind words, thank you! Were there any particular insights or changes you found to be especially helpful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! How are you getting on?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds difficult — and it really does suck, just as you mentioned. You haven’t lost your ability to sleep, though!
It can often seem as though thoughts themselves stop sleep from happening — and yet, sleep can happen regardless of the thoughts our mind generates.
What can make sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid certain thoughts (or feelings) — since that means we are then engaged in a battle with our minds, and how likely is sleep to happen if we are involved in a battle in the middle of the night?
It sounds as though your experience is telling you that you cannot directly or permanently control your thoughts — but luckily you can control how you respond to them when they show up!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Glad to hear things are a better than they used to be! If insomnia sticks around when the initial trigger is no longer present (or relevant) that’s often because of a change in how we approach sleep.
So, if we compare our past approach to sleep when it wasn’t an issue or a concern with our current approach when things are feeling more difficult or complicated we might be able to identify some helpful insights 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Kevin — glad to hear you’re finding the course helpful 🙂
It sounds as though you’ve picked up a couple of key insights already (or perhaps these are things you already knew but might be worth emphasizing):
1. You are capable of generating many nights of solid, unmedicated sleep.
2. Difficult nights can still show up and they can come with a lot of difficult thoughts and feelings, too.Difficult nights from time to time are normal — just as difficult days from time to time are normal. They can be really hard to experience, too.
Since we cannot permanently delete difficult nights (or difficult thoughts or difficult feelings) from our lives, it can be helpful to figure out a workable way of responding to them.
We can respond (as I think most of us are hard-wired to do) by going to war with insomnia and our minds, trying to fight wakefulness and what we are thinking and feeling, being really hard on ourselves, and perhaps even withdrawing from life and doing less of what matters.
Or, we can respond by acknowledging what’s going on. Being kind to ourselves in return. And continuing to do things that matter — even when all this difficult stuff is present — so that we continue to move toward the life we want to live.
As you shared, when you are awake at night that might mean you are up for much of the night. And it might mean that you are not up for much of the night. You can’t control that — but you do get decide whether you add struggle (and how much) on top of that wakefulness.
It can be really hard when difficult nights show up — and they’re not your fault, so please try to be kind to yourself and perhaps see them as an opportunity to practice what you are learning.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great! Good on you for getting the practice in!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though that’s what your experience might be telling you 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds really difficult — sorry you are going through that.
All of the challenges you shared are things that others here are also dealing with since they are common symptoms of the insomnia struggle. That also means we’ll be exploring all of them in the course, too — and the Week 1 action plan you come up with after working through the first week of the course will get you started on your journey away from the struggle and toward the life you want to live.
I wish you all the best with the course and please feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any questions you might have as you work through it.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify! I would consider “unusual distress” to involve a level of discomfort or concern that is way beyond expectation or experience — more akin to a potential (or real) mental health concern that might prompt someone to seek medical advice.
I wouldn’t typically consider finding it hard to practice new skills as unusual distress, but you are the expert on you!
Does this help?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’d invite you to revisit the lesson in Week 2 “What About Stimulus Control for Insomnia?” — in this course, I don’t encourage people to get out of bed just because they are awake (unless that’s something they want to do).
Since it sounds as though you’d rather not get out of bed to start your day at 3:30 AM, perhaps staying in bed and allowing yourself to rest might be a more workable approach? If you find yourself struggling when you are awake in bed, you might want to practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle (for example by practicing the AWAKE exercise or by engaging in an alternative activity such as reading).
It might be worth revisiting Week 2 of the course since responding to nighttime wakefulness is explored in a lot of detail there — and none of it involves the requirement to get out of bed 🙂
I hope this helps!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
