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Tiredness comes with being a human being and is influenced by many different things (sleep being just one). And, tiredness can come and go and feel more or less intense at different times of the day for all different reasons 🙂
The appearance of tiredness can be one of those things that can get us a bit tangled up in a struggle since we can end up getting a bit distracted by it — trying to figure it out, trying to identify the cause, trying to fight or avoid it.
Since we can’t really control the thoughts and feelings that go on inside us, the more we try the more we can end up struggling.
So, what might be most helpful is to acknowledge the presence of tiredness (or any other difficult or unpleasant thought or feeling), to be kind to yourself, and to continue to do things that matter even when it is present — just as you mentioned at the end of your post!
We’ll be exploring all of this in a lot more detail as the course progresses!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing, Luke! It sounds as though you found it helpful to get some practice in with making space for wakefulness and the anxiety that can come with it.
Remember that the goal with acceptance isn’t to make you feel more calm (if that happens, it’s simply a bonus)! The goal is to help you practice moving away from engaging in a battle with all that stuff. As you know from experience, battling it often makes things more difficult!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Genie — it sounds as though you are doing more living than struggling! When you say the days are more of a struggle, what do you mean by that?
Are you finding that you are getting pulled back into a battle with difficult thoughts and feelings (something that creates a struggle) or are you experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings (something that comes with being a human being)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff! Fatigue was present and you had a choice — go to the movies and experience fatigue or don’t go to the movies and experience fatigue. It sounds as though the choice you made was one that helped you move toward the life you want to live, even in the presence of fatigue 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing, Genie! It sure sounds as though that value is one that can also help you practice being kinder to yourself when things feel difficult!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that you are finding it helpful to explore and be guided by your values, @GenieB!
Arich: It makes complete sense that you’d like to think certain thoughts and feel a certain way. As you know from experience, you cannot directly or permanently control what you think or feel — trying to do so only draws you into a struggle that makes those thoughts and feelings even more difficult.
With that in mind, it’s great to hear that you’ve been refocusing attention on your actions — since they can always be controlled — and that you are continuing to do things that keep you moving toward the life you want to live, even when difficult thoughts and feelings are present. That sure sounds like a more workable way of responding to all that difficult stuff!
Is there anything else from the course that you’ve been finding helpful? Things that have helped you practice moving away from struggling with all this difficult stuff?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great to hear you’ve been getting some practice in with the NOW exercise, Nadine! Just as you described, the intent there is to practice being more present and to build skill in refocusing our attention when the mind tries to pull us away from the present in unhelpful ways!
So, with that in mind, there’s no need to spend much time on the Opening up part. Just as you described, you might simply thank your mind for the thought and maybe move your body a little and then refocus on where you are and what you are doing 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @tweg11!
It sounds as though you’ve learned from experience that you are able to sleep alongside your wife. So, we know that sharing a bed with your wife is not what’s stopping sleep from happening!
Perhaps what might be making sleep more difficult are some lingering attempts to control things that cannot be controlled when you are in bed with your wife?
For example, perhaps you might be trying to make sleep happen, putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen, or perhaps you might be trying to fight or avoid any difficult thoughts or feelings that might be showing up?
If you find yourself getting drawn into a struggle, getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise might be useful.
In terms of leaving the bedroom and finding that you end up sleeping in another room, if that’s something you’d rather not do then perhaps you might practice staying in your own bed when awake (and perhaps getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise).
There’s no need to force yourself to stay in bed for the entire night if that sounds like an unachievable goal right now — but perhaps you might stay in bed for a bit longer each time before getting out of bed.
Then, if and when you feel sleepy or ready to return to bed, you might return to your shared bed rather than sleeping in another room to get some further practice in with experiencing wakefulness in your shared bed and giving sleep the opportunity to happen in your shared bed.
The old struggle will always show up from time to time — that’s natural and normal! Sometimes it can be helpful to think of that reappearance as an opportunity to practice building skill in responding in a different and more workable way 🙂
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff! Allowing the mind to do what it’s going to do anyway can’t make sleep happen but it can help us move away from a struggle that can definitely make sleep more difficult!
I appreciate your feedback and hope you get a lot from the rest of the course as you continue to work through it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow — thank you for sharing these powerful insights with us, Irina! All the best for Week 2 (and beyond)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds like a workable initial sleep window to me, Lee! Do let us know how you get on with it after a week or so of practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Luke! As you shared, it can be helpful to reframe the goal when in bed as rest rather than sleep. Even if sleep doesn’t happen, rest has value!
For as long as we might actively try to make sleep happen or try to control anything else that our experience suggests we cannot control, we can end up creating a struggle that makes things even more difficult.
The less we struggle, the better we might also be able to train the brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat that it needs to be quite so alert to “protect” us from!
It sounds as though you are already starting to practice getting more comfortable with wakefulness — great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Struggle often makes things a lot more difficult — thanks for sharing, Luke!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep pressure never fails — it’s just that our brain can temporarily suspend sleep pressure if it thinks there’s a threat present (thank goodness!). And, sometimes the brain can end up believing that wakefulness itself is a threat if it has learned that wakefulness creates a lot of struggle and stops us from doing things that matter.
We cannot control what our mind does (just as we cannot control sleep itself), but there are ways we can “retrain” the brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat. For example, we can practice moving away from trying to fight or avoid wakefulness and the difficult thoughts and feelings that might come with (or after) it and we can reduce the influence wakefulness has over our lives by continuing to do things that matter (no matter how small) after difficult nights.
This is all stuff we’ll be exploring in more detail as the course progresses!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yawning can be a tricky one since we can yawn when we aren’t sleepy (for example we might see someone else yawn and then yawn ourselves)!
More “reliable” symptoms of sleepiness might be things like finding it hard to keep your eyes open or head jerks as you find yourself involuntarily dropping off.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
