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Thanks for sharing that you are finding it helpful to explore and be guided by your values, @GenieB!
Arich: It makes complete sense that you’d like to think certain thoughts and feel a certain way. As you know from experience, you cannot directly or permanently control what you think or feel — trying to do so only draws you into a struggle that makes those thoughts and feelings even more difficult.
With that in mind, it’s great to hear that you’ve been refocusing attention on your actions — since they can always be controlled — and that you are continuing to do things that keep you moving toward the life you want to live, even when difficult thoughts and feelings are present. That sure sounds like a more workable way of responding to all that difficult stuff!
Is there anything else from the course that you’ve been finding helpful? Things that have helped you practice moving away from struggling with all this difficult stuff?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great to hear you’ve been getting some practice in with the NOW exercise, Nadine! Just as you described, the intent there is to practice being more present and to build skill in refocusing our attention when the mind tries to pull us away from the present in unhelpful ways!
So, with that in mind, there’s no need to spend much time on the Opening up part. Just as you described, you might simply thank your mind for the thought and maybe move your body a little and then refocus on where you are and what you are doing 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @tweg11!
It sounds as though you’ve learned from experience that you are able to sleep alongside your wife. So, we know that sharing a bed with your wife is not what’s stopping sleep from happening!
Perhaps what might be making sleep more difficult are some lingering attempts to control things that cannot be controlled when you are in bed with your wife?
For example, perhaps you might be trying to make sleep happen, putting pressure on yourself to make sleep happen, or perhaps you might be trying to fight or avoid any difficult thoughts or feelings that might be showing up?
If you find yourself getting drawn into a struggle, getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise might be useful.
In terms of leaving the bedroom and finding that you end up sleeping in another room, if that’s something you’d rather not do then perhaps you might practice staying in your own bed when awake (and perhaps getting some practice in with the AWAKE exercise).
There’s no need to force yourself to stay in bed for the entire night if that sounds like an unachievable goal right now — but perhaps you might stay in bed for a bit longer each time before getting out of bed.
Then, if and when you feel sleepy or ready to return to bed, you might return to your shared bed rather than sleeping in another room to get some further practice in with experiencing wakefulness in your shared bed and giving sleep the opportunity to happen in your shared bed.
The old struggle will always show up from time to time — that’s natural and normal! Sometimes it can be helpful to think of that reappearance as an opportunity to practice building skill in responding in a different and more workable way 🙂
I hope there’s something useful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff! Allowing the mind to do what it’s going to do anyway can’t make sleep happen but it can help us move away from a struggle that can definitely make sleep more difficult!
I appreciate your feedback and hope you get a lot from the rest of the course as you continue to work through it!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wow — thank you for sharing these powerful insights with us, Irina! All the best for Week 2 (and beyond)!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds like a workable initial sleep window to me, Lee! Do let us know how you get on with it after a week or so of practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Luke! As you shared, it can be helpful to reframe the goal when in bed as rest rather than sleep. Even if sleep doesn’t happen, rest has value!
For as long as we might actively try to make sleep happen or try to control anything else that our experience suggests we cannot control, we can end up creating a struggle that makes things even more difficult.
The less we struggle, the better we might also be able to train the brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat that it needs to be quite so alert to “protect” us from!
It sounds as though you are already starting to practice getting more comfortable with wakefulness — great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Struggle often makes things a lot more difficult — thanks for sharing, Luke!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep pressure never fails — it’s just that our brain can temporarily suspend sleep pressure if it thinks there’s a threat present (thank goodness!). And, sometimes the brain can end up believing that wakefulness itself is a threat if it has learned that wakefulness creates a lot of struggle and stops us from doing things that matter.
We cannot control what our mind does (just as we cannot control sleep itself), but there are ways we can “retrain” the brain that wakefulness isn’t a threat. For example, we can practice moving away from trying to fight or avoid wakefulness and the difficult thoughts and feelings that might come with (or after) it and we can reduce the influence wakefulness has over our lives by continuing to do things that matter (no matter how small) after difficult nights.
This is all stuff we’ll be exploring in more detail as the course progresses!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yawning can be a tricky one since we can yawn when we aren’t sleepy (for example we might see someone else yawn and then yawn ourselves)!
More “reliable” symptoms of sleepiness might be things like finding it hard to keep your eyes open or head jerks as you find yourself involuntarily dropping off.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you might have (either now or in the past) been putting some pressure on yourself to make sleep happen when important events, plans, or days are approaching.
That’s understandable because your problem solving mind has likely identified those events/plans/days as being important to you. They matter to you.
It also sounds as though your experience is telling you that you cannot directly or permanently control sleep and that you cannot directly or permanently control your thoughts and feelings.
So, with all this being said, it’s good to hear that you have been practicing allowing and making space for all those thoughts and feelings to come and go as they choose.
Not only can that help you move away from adding struggle on top of all those difficult thoughts and feelings, but — as a bonus — when you aren’t engaged in a battle with your brain, conditions for sleep often become a bit better, too!
It makes complete sense that you want a certain amount or type of sleep to happen before important activities or events. Unfortunately you cannot control sleep in that way. You can, however, always control your actions — you can continue to do things that matter even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings.
For as long as you continue to practice doing that and for as long as you practice moving away from trying to control what cannot be controlled, all that difficult stuff can start to lose its power and influence. As it loses its power and influence and there’s less struggle, conditions for sleep will, in turn, likely improve, too.
I wish you all the best with your ongoing practice as you continue to do things that help you live the life you want to live, independently of sleep and independently of any difficult thoughts and feelings you experience as a human being 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You’ve got it, Noel!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful — thank you so much for sharing!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s great to hear! Have you uncovered any specific activities that you’ve found it helpful to redirect your attention toward when you find yourself getting pulled into a bit of a struggle? Sometimes reflecting on your values can be helpful with that 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Impressive stuff there, GenieB!
Your mind was probably screaming at you not to go that movie. It would have been so easy for you to say no and to be controlled by your thoughts in a way that would have pulled you away from the person you want to be and the life you want to live.
Instead, you paused and considered how to respond. You then made the decision to go to the movies even in the presence of that fatigue and any other thoughts, feelings, and stories that your problem solving mind might have been generating!
What did you learn from going to the movies even in the presence of all that difficult stuff?
PS: Of course you want fatigue to go away! And, as you know from experience, that’s something you cannot make happen through effort. So, a more workable response to it might involve acknowledging its presence, being kind to yourself, and then doing things that matter (just as you’ve described) even in its presence!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
