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Since we cannot control sleep, any attempts to control sleep are probably not going to be particularly workable.
The only thing that makes sleep happen is staying awake for long enough. And, the more we try to make sleep happen the longer we need to be awake for it to happen!
Distraction might be helpful temporarily — but it doesn’t permanently delete thoughts and feelings from the brain, right? So, how workable is a strategy of distraction?
What we’re really looking to do is to practice moving away from the struggle that’s caused by trying to fight or avoid what cannot be controlled — from trying to fight or avoid wakefulness, certain thoughts, certain feelings. That struggle tends to make things even more difficult.
Instead, we’re looking to practice making space for this difficult stuff to exist. To build skill in experiencing wakefulness and the thoughts and feelings that might come with it, with less struggle.
Whenever you find yourself struggling during the night, one way that might help you build skill in moving away from the struggle is practicing the AWAKE exercise. And the final step of AWAKE is Experiencing the wakefulness with less struggle.
Experiencing wakefulness with less struggle might involve doing something like reading (or any other activity for that matter). The goal with that isn’t to change your thoughts or feelings or to make sleep happen (if that’s your goal you are probably setting yourself up for a struggle). The goal is simply to practice experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.
With this in mind, it doesn’t matter whether you get out of bed or stay in bed when you are awake and it doesn’t matter what you do when awake — as long as you are practicing experiencing wakefulness with less struggle.
I hope there’s something helpful here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Good on you for continuing to do things that matter even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings!
As you mentioned, thoughts never fully cease. The human brain is a thought-generating machine so trying to fight or avoid thoughts only creates a struggle that makes things more difficult.
So, perhaps allowing your mind to think whatever it wants to think (since it’ll do that anyway) might free up some energy and attention that will allow you to do more of the things that matter, versus getting tangled up in an ongoing struggle with your mind that’s caused by trying to control it?
The future doesn’t exist — it hasn’t happened yet. The past doesn’t exist — it’s a collection of memories. The only time that exists is right now. This very moment. This very second. And you always have control over your own actions in this moment, no matter what kind of thoughts and feelings your mind might be generating.
It’s understandable that you find this hard — because it is! You’re learning new skills and new skills take time and ongoing practice (and there are always ups and downs along the way). So, please try to be kind to yourself, too. You are not alone!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Glad that was helpful. Please do go as slow and steady as you like 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though moving away from the sleep aids is something that’s important to you — so congratulations on that decision!
In terms of the audiobooks and podcasts, if you’re listening to them because you enjoy listening to them, there’s no need to even consider making any kind of change.
If you are listening to them in an attempt to control your thoughts and feelings, they have the potential to set you up for a bit of a struggle since we cannot directly or permanently control our thoughts and feelings.
Ultimately, you are the expert on you — so feel free to do what you feel is right for you!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That can be very frustrating — and there’s no mystery to it.
Since your brain’s main job is to look out for you, it’s always monitoring for possible threats. If you regularly struggle with wakefulness when in bed then it is going to think of that struggle as a threat. So, it fires up in an attempt to protect you and keep you safe.
Of course, that’s not too helpful when we want to sleep! Unfortunately, we cannot directly or permanently control what our mind does — just as we cannot directly or permanently control sleep itself — and so trying to control the mind, although understandable, often makes things more difficult.
What we can do is control our behaviors. Our actions. And since the brain can learn that wakefulness is a threat it can also learn that wakefulness isn’t a threat. This is generally done by practicing allowing wakefulness to exist with less struggle.
This is something we’ll be exploring in a lot more detail as the course progresses (and especially in Week 2). In the meantime, when you go to bed and feel wide awake, you might give yourself permission to be wide awake. You might think of that time awake in bed as a time to rest rather than a time that sleep must happen.
With less struggle the mind will learn that there isn’t a threat present and that it doesn’t need to be quite so alert to “protect” you from being awake at night.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing! It sounds as though you found it particularly helpful to move away from trying to control what cannot be controlled (such as sleep itself, what you think, and how you feel).
When that happens, we can free up energy and attention to do things that matter. We can start to reclaim our lives from insomnia and move toward the life we want to live (even when this difficult stuff is still present).
I am not sure we can permanently stop ourselves from thinking certain thoughts or feeling certain feelings — but we can definitely respond to them in different (and perhaps more workable) ways!
I loved the comparison between sleep and digestion — both things the body wants to take care of all by itself! It’s when we (often understandably) try to get involved in those internal processes that things can get more difficult.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
As you know from experience, sleep cannot be directly or permanently controlled. The only thing we can control are our own actions. And, it’s our own actions that determine the life we live.
So, I think your question comes down to what feels most workable to you. Your choice is:
1. Take the new apartment because it keeps you moving toward the life you want to live, even though there might be some sleep disruption as you adjust.
2. Don’t take the new apartment, continue to engage in efforts to fight or avoid nighttime wakefulness, and move away from the life you want to live.
Only you can decide which is the most workable option since you are the expert on you! I hope this helps 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing, and welcome! What kind of things did you pick up from the podcast that gave you a sense of hope?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When it feels as though your brain rebels and thinks you are in a torture chamber, what kind of things does it do? What does it say? How do you usually respond?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great question!
The free two-week sleep training for insomnia course is delivered over email. You get one email every day for two weeks. Each email contains some information on how sleep works, how insomnia typically develops, and some workable ways of responding to nighttime wakefulness and the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with it.
It mainly explores the older cognitive and behavioral approach toward insomnia.
The six-week course is radically different. It is delivered online through the client area of this website. It runs for six weeks (although you have six months to work through the content) and it includes over 70 video lessons and a private client forum. It is far more in-depth and explores workable ways of responding to the insomnia struggle in a lot of detail.
It focuses on the newer acceptance and commitment approach toward insomnia.
Since the two-week course is free, there’s no reason why you can’t give that a try first and go from there.
I hope this helps — please feel free to ask any other questions you might have 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I am yet to meet someone with chronic insomnia who doesn’t identify anxiety as something that is making things more difficult.
Anxiety can definitely make sleep more difficult but it cannot prevent sleep from happening indefinitely because sleep always happens once we’ve been awake for long enough.
What often makes things more difficult are all our understandable attempts to fight or avoid anxiety — because then we are engaged in a war with our minds (a war our mind will always win) and conditions for sleep are probably less favorable if our mind thinks we are currently engaged in a battle.
One thing to be mindful of is that sleep deprivation is not the same as chronic insomnia — and no studies have found chronic insomnia causes any health problem whatsoever.
I hope there’s something useful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What does your experience tell you here? Does your experience tell you that it’s helpful to go to bed when you want and/or to get out of bed when you want? Does your experience tell you that those actions help you get closer to where you want to be?
If so, there’s no need to change anything. If not, perhaps exploring a change might be worthwhile.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experience.
It sounds as though you’d have much rather not started with supplements and medication and that you feel that was not the correct path for you, in hindsight.
I would encourage you to be kind to yourself when you consider your experience. You did what you felt was right for you at the time. You acted on the advice and suggestions you received at the time. And, no matter what, you learned something valuable from the experience.
I wish you all the best and thanks again for sharing.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Ups and downs are normal — we all experience periods of difficult nights just as we all experience periods of difficult days.
What matters is how we respond to them.
As you have found, it can be so easy (and quick!) to fall back into ways of responding that we know from experience are not workable. It’s natural and normal for that to happen since they are more familiar and might feel “easier” in the short term.
Fortunately, we always have the opportunity to change our approach. To practice exploring a more workable way of responding to this difficult stuff.
Ongoing practice is really what is key here!
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Do you find yourself trying to make sleep happen when you wake at night or are you otherwise putting pressure on yourself to fall back to sleep? Does that approach feel workable to you?
When difficult thoughts and feelings (such as anxiety) show up, do you allow them to exist or do you find yourself engaging in a battle with them as you try to fight them (or avoid them)? Does that approach feel workable to you?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
