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Have you and your doctor come up with a tapering-off plan? If so, it can be helpful to stick to that plan, regardless of how each individual night goes. Good luck!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I suspect most people fear death. It’s probably hard-wired into the human brain as a survival mechanism and without that fear, I doubt many of us would be alive today. So, although it can be difficult, that’s a natural and normal feeling/emotion — and, by itself, it doesn’t prevent sleep from happening.
What can make sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings. That’s because we cannot directly or permanently control what the mind does. The more we try, the more we struggle. The more we struggle, the more energy we expend and the less focused we become on doing things that matter and engaging in the world around us. This, in turn, can make everything more difficult.
So a more useful response might be acknowledging these difficult thoughts and feelings. Moving away from the endless and exhausting struggle. Being kind to yourself when they show up. Allowing them to come and go as they please. Then, refocusing your attention on doing things that matter to you. Living the life you want to live, even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings and even after difficult nights.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That sounds like an awful situation to have experienced. I am sorry that happened to you.
The worry you described is natural and normal — and, waking during the night is actually natural and normal, too. What can make falling back to sleep more difficult is trying to fight or avoid those awakenings, trying to make sleep happen, putting pressure on yourself to fall back to sleep, and/or battling with the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come along for the ride.
That’s because sleep cannot be directly controlled and the more we try to control what cannot be controlled, the more we engage in a battle and a struggle — and your brain is unlikely to allow you to fall asleep if it thinks you’re at war!
I hope there’s something helpful here.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When sleep wasn’t a problem, what did you do differently compared to all the things you’re doing now? Perhaps there might be an insight there?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Yes — that anxiety is difficult; no doubt about it!
Sometimes when our goal is to get rid of anxiety it can make things more difficult since we can then get tangled up in a struggle that consumes so much of our energy and attention.
That struggle, in turn, can make the anxiety more difficult and make it harder for us to do things that matter. So, we then try harder and harder and continue to struggle and struggle and become well and truly stuck!
No matter how stuck we get, though, we always have the opportunity to get unstuck by changing our approach and our response to this difficult stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful — thanks for sharing!
I don’t think we need to get too tangled up trying to change the way we think (is that even possible?) but we can always change how we respond to how we think, if we know from experience that our response isn’t workable!
If we respond in a way that is aligned with our values and keeps us moving toward the life we want to live, as a bonus we might start to feel a bit better too!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for the great questions, Dave!
It’s up to you how often you wish to go through the AWAKE exercise! I’d suggest running through it at least once, but you can go through it over and over for as long as you’re finding it useful. And, you can take as long as you like to work through it and you can spend more (or less) time on each part of the exercise, depending on what you feel is most helpful/useful.
You can definitely practice the exercise while out of bed and watching TV if you like — it might be a bit harder to fully immerse yourself in the process while the TV is on, but you are the expert on you!
The guided version is there only as an example — I’d invite you to come up with your own version that is tailored to you 🙂
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome aboard!
It sounds as though you have one of those really keen and proactive brains that is working hard and looking out for you by generating some difficult thoughts, feelings, and stories such as “What if you’re the only person who can’t be fixed?”.
What you’re going through is difficult and you are not alone! Sometimes sleep doesn’t seem to want to show up — just like sometimes there’s not not a break in the clouds even though we’d love to get some sunshine.
Sometimes there’s an obvious reason why sleep isn’t happening, and other times there’s not.
The good news is, no matter what your brain says, you always have control over your actions. So, you always get to choose how to respond to wakefulness when it shows up and you always get to choose how to respond to the difficult thoughts and feelings (such as worry and anxiety) that your brain generates as it does its job of looking out for you.
Since this stuff is often difficult and doesn’t feel good, our default approach is often to fight or avoid — and, since we can’t control sleep or what we think or feel (not permanently, anyway!) this can set us up for a struggle that can make things even more difficult.
So, as you work through this course you’ll be exploring ways of responding that might be a bit more workable and might help you become unstuck if you feel your current approach or response isn’t getting you where you want to be.
I wish you all the best on your journey!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Cindy also shared a lot of good stuff in our podcast discussion: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31)
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, the goal of the AWAKE exercise is to help you practice moving away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness and any thoughts and feelings that might come with it — nothing more than that.
If the AWAKE exercise is practiced with the goal of making sleep happen or changing what you’re thinking or feeling, it will never work because those things are out of your control — and trying to control what cannot be controlled only creates struggle (and struggle makes everything more difficult)!
It’s OK to see wakefulness as an unnatural state — we’re not trying to change thoughts and feelings here. We’re just looking to respond to them in a more workable way!
As for the next day being more difficult — yes, it definitely can be after difficult nights! Sometimes it can be helpful to practice refocusing our attention when the mind wanders or generates unhelpful or distracting thoughts and feelings that can make it harder to do things that matter during the day. That’s where getting some practice in with the NOW exercise can sometimes be helpful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful — thanks for sharing! Are there any particular skills you’ve practiced, or specific aspects of the course you found to be the most useful or helpful?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Ah yes, your mind will wander — you have a human brain in your skull after all (not a machine!) and it’s working away and doing its job of looking out for you.
When it wanders, you might want to acknowledge that with kindness (it’s looking out for you, after all) and then gently bring it back to what you’re doing.
Ultimately, moving away from struggling with all this difficult stuff is a brand new skill — and new skills take time to develop, right? I’d love to be able to play the piano but realistically, I know it will take a lot of practice to become even a passable piano player (although I would love to get immediate results)!
So, with this in mind, perhaps ongoing practice might be useful? Every time that struggle shows up it’s an opportunity to practice moving away from the struggle rather than reaching for that medieval sword and doing battle with wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that can come with it.
After all, that struggle tends to make everything even more difficult, right?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Great stuff!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
A few questions:
1. Why do you get out of bed when wakefulness shows up? What’s your goal with that?
2. Have you given the AWAKE exercise any practice when you find yourself struggling with wakefulness or the thoughts and feelings that often come with it?
3. What is it about wakefulness that makes it so difficult?—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sorry to hear how difficult the past few nights have been. As you mentioned, it can be harder to practice responding to wakefulness with less struggle when things are really difficult — and, at the same time, perhaps that’s the most useful time to get that practice in? Without practicing a new approach, it might be harder to experience change, right?
Thanks for sharing that you’ve been practicing the AWAKE exercise. Can you tell us a bit more about that? How do you practice it? Are you running through it once? Twice? More often? How are you practicing the final “E” of allowing yourself to Experience wakefulness with less of a struggle? What is your goal when you practice the AWAKE exercise?
As you know from experience, you can’t control sleep or the thoughts and feelings that can come with nighttime wakefulness — but you can always control your actions. That’s important since it’s your actions that determine whether you add struggle on top of all this difficult stuff and it’s your actions that determine whether you do things that move you away from the life you want to live or toward the life you want to live.
Since where your wife sleeps doesn’t seem to influence your sleep one way or the other, perhaps sharing a bed with her — if that’s something that’s important to you and contributes to the kind of life you want to live — might be worth returning to?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
