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Unfortunately we can’t permanently delete anxiety from the brain — and, for as long as we try, we might be setting ourselves up for an ongoing struggle.
From reading your post, it sounds as though you might find it harder to fall asleep when you’re putting pressure on yourself to sleep — when you’re trying to make sleep happen, when you’re trying to avoid wakefulness. And that might be connected to your attempts to (understandably) not experience difficult thoughts and feelings such as anxiety, headaches, fatigue, and low mood.
Unfortunately, all of that is out of your control. So, perhaps it might be helpful to move away from trying to control what cannot be controlled? To acknowledge wakefulness and all the thoughts and feelings that might come with it, to allow it to come and go as it chooses (since you know from experience that you can’t permanently delete it anyway so why add struggle on top), to be kind to yourself in return, and then continue to do things that help to keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live and the person you want to be (even in the presence of this difficult stuff)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you have a lot of understandable concern about missing your alarm in the morning! It also sounds as though you’ve done all you can to reduce the risk of sleeping through your alarm.
So, perhaps the final piece of the puzzle might be to move away from trying to fight or avoid thoughts related to missing your alarm (and perhaps to practice acknowledging and allowing those thoughts instead) and to move away from any pressure you might be putting on yourself to fall asleep.
Other than that, in terms of further reducing the risk of missing your alarm is there anyone who can call on you in the mornings? Either physically or perhaps through a phone call?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Menopause can create some sleep disruption — and yet, when insomnia sticks around it’s virtually guaranteed to be present because of our response; all the (understandable) things we do to try to get rid of it, to make sleep happen, or to otherwise try to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can come with insomnia.
From reading your post, your experience is quite common and isn’t unique or unusual. In terms of a sleep window, you might want to start by allotting six hours or so for sleep. You could decide on a consistent out of bed time that works for the kind of life you live, count back six hours and get an earliest bedtime.
I don’t think it’s essential to get out of bed at night just because you’re awake. What we’re really looking to do is to move away from struggling with nighttime wakefulness. So, it can be helpful to allow wakefulness to exist and if it starts to feel really uncomfortable and unpleasant you might give yourself the opportunity to do something more pleasant instead. And, that more pleasant activity might be something you do in bed or out of bed.
When it comes to the anxiety, quite often the more we try to control it the more we struggle with it. Acceptance isn’t about controlling anxiety or getting rid of it — it’s about accepting that it can’t be controlled and moving away from trying to fight it (even though it can be really unpleasant). That way, you aren’t adding struggle on top of all this difficult stuff.
You are NOT stupid — you are a human being experiencing a lot of difficulty. You are not alone, and there is a way through this!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Congratulations on the little one! I don’t think many people sleep well when there’s a baby in the house! Your worries and concerns are completely valid and understandable — that’s your brain doing its job and looking out for you!
When you’re awake during the night and finding it hard to fall asleep, how do you currently respond to that wakefulness?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you feel you’re falling asleep and staying asleep and getting a good amount of sleep but that sleep feels really unrestorative, it might be worth getting an overnight sleep study just to see if sleep apnea might be an explanation.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Ruby and Kmm — as you both realize already, neither of you are alone! Have you tried implementing any of the techniques discussed on this website to help move you away from struggling with wakefulness and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with insomnia?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello and welcome to the forum! What kind of things is your mind telling you when you wake at night and how are you responding to those messages?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story Mimma! If you have any questions, please feel free to post them here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
RLS can definitely make things more difficult! When you wake at night, how do you usually respond to that and why do you think you find it hard to fall back to sleep?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the Google review!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you’re going through the Sleepio course, it might be helpful to focus your attention there — I don’t want to share anything that might conflict with what you’re learning there and end up creating confusion!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When you were sleeping well, did you have to get out of the house during the day, avoid caffeine, spend the day avoiding all electronics, and doing puzzles? If not, what might that mean?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I admire your self-honesty and introspection, MelJ! It takes a lot of practice to strengthen and bulk up the “skinny legs” of your wise mind — your problem-solving mind has been pumping iron your whole life!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Not many of us have unlimited supplies of energy — we’re all human beings here (I think)!
If doing nothing makes you feel better and helps you live the kind of life you want to live, then that’s probably a workable way for you to respond to feeling burned out. We all need some downtime and some rest and relaxation from time to time!
Ultimately, when difficult stuff shows up that we cannot control we face a choice. And, I suspect we have only two choices (but please let me know if you can think of others!). These are:
1. Try to fight or avoid all the difficult stuff by doing less of the things that matter to us and moving away from the kind of life we want to live.
2. Acknowledge all this difficult stuff, make space for it to come and go, be kind to ourselves in return, and continue to do things that matter to us (no matter how small) so we continue to move toward the kind of life we want to live.
Which of those two options feels like it might be more workable to you?
From reading your post, it sounds as though you might be engaged in some actions that you know from experience either aren’t helpful, workable, or effective — or that are not aligned with your values and helping you live the kind of life you want to live — as you try to get rid of all this difficult stuff.
Of course, that’s totally understandable! And yet, it sounds as though you know from experience that trying to get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings isn’t possible — they always come back in the end, right?
And, there is your problem solving brain, insisting that you continue to try. That you continue to do things that you know from experience aren’t helpful or workable (that maybe you need to try harder). That’s where we can sometimes get stuck.
So, perhaps the route out of “stuckness” is to practice responding in a different way. A way that helps us move away from ongoing struggle and toward doing things that matter, even in the presence of this really difficult stuff?
Is there anything useful here, MelJ?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you feel comfortable with going to bed if you feel sleepy during your buffer zone, you might want to give yourself permission to do just that! That sounds like it could be worth an experiment!
If you decide to allow yourself to go to bed during your buffer zone would you be willing to return with an update in a week or so to let us know how you’re getting on?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
