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RLS can definitely make things more difficult! When you wake at night, how do you usually respond to that and why do you think you find it hard to fall back to sleep?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing and thank you for the Google review!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you’re going through the Sleepio course, it might be helpful to focus your attention there — I don’t want to share anything that might conflict with what you’re learning there and end up creating confusion!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
When you were sleeping well, did you have to get out of the house during the day, avoid caffeine, spend the day avoiding all electronics, and doing puzzles? If not, what might that mean?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I admire your self-honesty and introspection, MelJ! It takes a lot of practice to strengthen and bulk up the “skinny legs” of your wise mind — your problem-solving mind has been pumping iron your whole life!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Not many of us have unlimited supplies of energy — we’re all human beings here (I think)!
If doing nothing makes you feel better and helps you live the kind of life you want to live, then that’s probably a workable way for you to respond to feeling burned out. We all need some downtime and some rest and relaxation from time to time!
Ultimately, when difficult stuff shows up that we cannot control we face a choice. And, I suspect we have only two choices (but please let me know if you can think of others!). These are:
1. Try to fight or avoid all the difficult stuff by doing less of the things that matter to us and moving away from the kind of life we want to live.
2. Acknowledge all this difficult stuff, make space for it to come and go, be kind to ourselves in return, and continue to do things that matter to us (no matter how small) so we continue to move toward the kind of life we want to live.
Which of those two options feels like it might be more workable to you?
From reading your post, it sounds as though you might be engaged in some actions that you know from experience either aren’t helpful, workable, or effective — or that are not aligned with your values and helping you live the kind of life you want to live — as you try to get rid of all this difficult stuff.
Of course, that’s totally understandable! And yet, it sounds as though you know from experience that trying to get rid of difficult thoughts and feelings isn’t possible — they always come back in the end, right?
And, there is your problem solving brain, insisting that you continue to try. That you continue to do things that you know from experience aren’t helpful or workable (that maybe you need to try harder). That’s where we can sometimes get stuck.
So, perhaps the route out of “stuckness” is to practice responding in a different way. A way that helps us move away from ongoing struggle and toward doing things that matter, even in the presence of this really difficult stuff?
Is there anything useful here, MelJ?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you feel comfortable with going to bed if you feel sleepy during your buffer zone, you might want to give yourself permission to do just that! That sounds like it could be worth an experiment!
If you decide to allow yourself to go to bed during your buffer zone would you be willing to return with an update in a week or so to let us know how you’re getting on?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing!
As you might have gathered, there’s nothing we can do to make ourselves wake at a certain time (or not wake before a certain time). The more we try to control sleep in that way, the more we might set ourselves up for a struggle.
If you wish to explore this further, here are some questions:
What kind of things does your mind tell you when you wake at 4:00 AM instead of 4:30 AM? In other words, what kind of problem does your mind say this is (or could be) causing you?
If you woke at 4:30 AM instead of 4:00 AM, what would you be doing differently with your life? What would you be doing then, that you are unable to do now?
When you wake around 4:00 AM, are you checking the time? If so, it might be worth experimenting with not checking the time when you wake.
When you wake before the end of your sleep window, why do you feel you aren’t falling back to sleep? How are you currently responding to that wakefulness?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
We can’t delete frustration from the brain, unfortunately — it comes from your brain doing its job and looking out for you. It sees a problem (or potential problem) and generates thoughts and feelings to spur you into action. Sometimes those thoughts and feelings are useful, sometimes they aren’t!
Since we can’t control them, it can be helpful to shift focus toward how we respond to them — since we can always control our actions.
So, with this in mind, perhaps it might be useful to acknowledge and allow difficult thoughts and feelings such as frustration, irritability, and resentment to come and go as they choose, to be kind to yourself in return, and then to bring your attention back on where you are and what’s around you (even in the presence of those thoughts and feelings). Doing things that matter to you, even when this difficult stuff shows up.
As you know from experience, you can’t permanently delete this difficult stuff from your mind — it always comes back, right? So, a more workable response might be to give it space and to continue doing things that help keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live. At least that way, the difficult stuff might be serving some kind of purpose — and you aren’t adding struggle on top of it all.
We’ll be exploring this in more detail as the course progresses. I hope there’s something useful here in the meantime!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thanks for sharing that insight, David — when there’s no effort to generate sleep, it seems to be more likely to show up!
Of course your mind will drift away when practicing the AWAKE exercise and come up with different thoughts and stories. It’s doing its job and trying to look out for you!
When that happens, you have a choice — acknowledge and allow (the new way, a skill that requires practice), or try to fight and avoid (the old way, that you know from experience gets you tangled up in a struggle).
In terms of your side question, any time we engage in an action with the goal to control what cannot be controlled (such as trying to fight or avoid certain thoughts and feelings, trying to avoid wakefulness, trying to make sleep happen) we set ourselves up for a struggle.
If your goal is to move away from “trying” to sleep, perhaps ongoing detective work in connection to sleep times and naps might be creating a bit of an obstacle? Perhaps that energy and attention might be better spent engaging in daily activities that keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live?
Please let me know if there’s anything useful here, David!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
What’s your goal when you get out of bed when you can’t sleep? If that “worked”, what would be happening?
It sounds as though your goals might be related to things you can’t control — at least when it comes to your sleep window (since you mentioned that if it worked you would have deeper nights of sleep and feel more confident about sleep).
Sleep, thoughts, and feelings are not in our control. The more we try to control them, the more we set ourselves up for struggle — and that’s why the focus of this course is exploring ways of responding to the difficult stuff that we cannot control in a more workable way. A way that helps us practice moving away from struggle so we might be better able to live the kind of life we want to live.
This new approach isn’t easy, though — and the mind will usually want to keep on suggesting goals that we can’t control and pull us back into behaviors that we know from experience aren’t useful or workable (probably because they’re more familiar). What’s helpful is to notice when this is happening and to continue to practice responding in a different way.
No surprise you’re finding this difficult — because it is! These are new skills and they require ongoing practice!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Thank you so much for sharing! I admire your tenacity and your willingness to continue exploring (and practicing) an approach that might help you deal with all this difficult stuff in a more workable way!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello David and thanks for sharing your experience and for the great questions.
In terms of the sleep window, I don’t know that adjusting it will make a huge difference since you mentioned that going to bed before it begins doesn’t make things any easier.
It sounds as though, perhaps, the struggle might come from your attempts to avoid wakefulness, create sleep, and perhaps to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings that can show up at night. What do you think?
Do you have any idea why you might be finding it so hard to stay awake before it’s time to go to bed and then when you go to bed you find yourself wide awake?
When you practice the AWAKE exercise, what’s your goal? Since I don’t really describe or recommend “stimulus control” in this course, what does your implementation of that look like and what’s your goal with it?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your mother-in-law and your house getting destroyed in the hurricane. That would be difficult for anyone to deal with and would generate a lot of very legitimate and difficult thoughts and feelings.
In terms of whether the course will still “work”, that likely depends on your goals. If your goals are to try to control what cannot be controlled, you might be setting yourself up for ongoing struggle (something my course aims to help you move away from).
Week 2 of the course opens one week after you enroll — so you should now have access. If you don’t please let me know.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
That’s an interesting question — I don’t think there’s a magic switch we can flick to make ourselves immediately accept all this difficult stuff!
Acceptance is about accepting that there’s difficult stuff that shows up that we just cannot control — so why engage in a struggle with it?
This is usually a new approach and so it requires ongoing practice. So, perhaps instead of saying we can “do” acceptance, a more appropriate way of wording this might be to say we can “practice” acceptance.
Since I don’t really cover stimulus control in the traditional sense in this course, I’m curious to hear more about how you are implementing that, and what it means to you.
In terms of whether your approach toward sleep restriction and stimulus control is workable, that depends on your goal. If sleep restriction and stimulus control “worked”, what would be different?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
