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I think this comes down to personal values — what’s important to you and helps you live the kind of life you want to live? If sleeping alongside your partner helps move you toward the kind of life you want to live and not sleeping with your partner is something that moves you away from the kind of life you want to live, it might be worth “retraining” yourself to share a bed with your partner.
If you do decide to begin sharing a bed with your partner again, it might be worth getting his snoring issues investigated — not only for his own health but to help create more favorable conditions for sleep for you, too!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Sleep definitely changes as we get older — you mentioned that you are waking earlier and earlier — when are you usually going to bed at night. Has that changed? If you don’t feel sleepy when you wake and you feel pretty good during the day you might not need more sleep — and that could explain why more sleep isn’t happening.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Medical issues are a common trigger for insomnia. Usually, sleep recovers as we adjust or heal — if it doesn’t, that’s often because of a change in our sleep-related thoughts and behaviors.
We might start to do things like go to bed earlier, stay in bed later, nap during the day, be less active during the day, start researching sleep, experiment with meds and supplements, try sleep meditations and apps, etc…
All these things seem logical, but they usually serve only to perpetuate sleep disruption since they can weaken sleep drive, disrupt the body clock, and heighten arousal.
So, you might want to start by reading an overview of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) techniques since they help address all those perpetuating thought processes and behaviors!
I hope this helps.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello Jess and thanks for sharing your concerns — concerns that I think a lot of people reading will identify with!
First of all, you might want to give yourself a bit more opportunity for sleep — five hours isn’t a whole lot of time! Bear in mind that the start of your sleep window is nothing more than an earliest possible bedtime. So, if you don’t feel sleepy enough for sleep when your sleep window begins, it might be helpful to delay going to bed until you do feel a strong sense of sleepiness (difficulty staying awake).
If you feel as though you just never get sleepy, you might find this video helpful: How to improve sleep when you don’t feel sleepy and don’t know how to get sleepy.
Since a clock doesn’t know when we are sleepy enough for sleep, we don’t necessarily want to be going to bed at the same time each night. The final out of bed time in the morning is where we want to be really consistent.
It might also be helpful not to check the time when you wake during the night (and to recognize that waking during the night is actually a normal part of sleep).
Unfortunately, sleep is completely out of our control. It’s when we (quite understandably) try to control sleep that we can really get caught up in the struggle.
Fortunately, we can always control our actions. So, we can implement sleep-related behaviors that help create and maintain good conditions for sleep and we can do things each day that help us move toward the kind of life we want to live, independently of sleep.
I think it’s the latter point that can really help us move beyond insomnia because it shifts our attention to what we can control and what truly matters — what we do when we are awake, and whether we live a life that’s aligned with our values or not. We get to decide that, not sleep or insomnia!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If there’s ever any potential safety risk, you need to do what is right for your personal safety. If you are finding it hard to stay awake, you should not drive.
Although drowsy driving is very dangerous, we don’t often hear of people with chronic insomnia falling asleep behind the wheel (unless medications are involved) since people with chronic insomnia often give themselves more than ample opportunity to sleep and are often “tired but wired” — they are typically fatigued rather than sleepy.
However, just to reiterate — safety trumps everything and so if you are feeling drowsy, you should not drive.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Hello @Grangers! Quite often, when we go to bed before we are sleepy enough for sleep we will spend a lot of time awake. It’s a bit like sitting at the dinner table before we are hungry!
I would recommend discussing your concerns with your OCD therapist. Nobody here is going to be qualified to give you specific advice or recommendations, unfortunately.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
It sounds as though you successfully abandoned some unhelpful sleep efforts — and that’s entirely down to you!
I appreciated you sharing that your thought pattern has changed; that you are no longer trying to sleep — you are letting sleep happen. How were you able to make such a shift in your mindset? This is where many people struggle!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Implementing CBT-I techniques is hard — no doubt about it! Are you working with a therapist? If so, I’d encourage you to share your concerns with them — there are always tweaks and modifications that can make CBT-I techniques more tolerable during the early days, which do tend to be the most challenging.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Just to clarify, the agreement to enroll in my online coaching course doesn’t exclude all sleeping pills — only benzodiazepines and antipsychotic medications. That’s because some of the techniques I share aren’t always appropriate for those with a history of psychosis and, in my experience, clients who are regularly using benzodiazepines often require more support than I can offer in an online coaching relationship.
In terms of the sleep window, when you have decided on the duration of your sleep window, I often suggest deciding when your final out of bed time will be in the morning, then counting back to get the start time of your sleep window.
Over the short term, implementing a sleep window can be very challenging — so we cannot read into what happens over the first few nights (many people experience sleep getting worse in the short term as they adjust to a new sleep routine). I think @shattered had a good plan for sticking to the window for a month before drawing any conclusions or doing any additional detective work.
When it comes to going to bed before the sleep window begins, the typical suggestion is to avoid going to bed or falling asleep before the sleep window starts in order to really build that biological sleep drive. However, I think it’s OK to go to bed within 30-60 minutes of the sleep window beginning if you feel really sleepy and are finding it hard to stay awake.
I hope this helps.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
All those worries are normal — so, it might actually be helpful to give all those worries and anxiety a bit of space to do what they want to do in your mind. Often, it’s when we try to fight or avoid difficult and uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and emotions that we get most caught up in them!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I’m sorry to hear that a specialist said they couldn’t help you because you’ve experienced sleep issues since childhood. In my experience, that doesn’t usually suggest someone won’t experience improvements with some behavioral changes that can create better conditions for sleep to occur and some exploration of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that can influence our relationship with sleep.
Thanks for sharing that you are finding the YouTube channel helpful!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
I admire your persistence and tenacity, Karla! The fact you are still doing this, even though it feels really uncomfortable, shows that you are still able to control your behaviors and do hard things even in the presence of difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions!
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep — so the fact you recall waking during the night is not unusual. If you aren’t already doing so, it can sometimes be helpful not to check the time during your sleep window.
Have you got in touch with your therapist to discuss your concerns and get some additional support?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
Welcome to the forum!
You are absolutely correct that insomnia can make it harder to be present and to experience time spent with family in the same way — however, it’s important to recognize that we can still spend time with our families and do other things that help us live by our values, even in the presence of insomnia and difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
So, continuing to do things that move you toward the kind of life you want to live is so important and worth giving yourself a lot of credit for — because you have control over those actions (whereas you don’t have control over sleep itself or the presence of difficult thoughts, feelings, or emotions).
If you have any questions about how you are currently implementing sleep restriction, feel free to post them here!
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
You are definitely going through a really challenging period — I think it’s important to recognize this and to practice some self-compassion since it’s so easy to forget to treat ourselves the same way we’d treat a friend or family member going through the same thing!
Furthermore, the techniques you are implementing are challenging — the first couple of weeks of sleep restriction, in particular, can be particularly difficult.
When you go to bed at the start of your sleep window, are you falling asleep quite quickly? How does the night go when you get into bed at 1:00 AM (and what time are you getting out of bed to start your day)?
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
If you wake with a gasp, have been told you snore pretty loudly, wake in the morning with a dry mouth or headache, and/or find it hard to stay awake during the day, you might be experiencing symptoms of sleep apnea — but that requires medical investigation and diagnosis.
If you don’t recognize those symptoms, feel you have a lot of worry/anxiety about sleep, and even put pressure on yourself to sleep, the jolts might be a symptom of heightened arousal.
If you are concerned, I’d encourage you to seek medical advice. You might also find my YouTube video on hypnic jerks helpful.
—If you are ready to stop struggling with insomnia you can enroll in the online insomnia coaching course right now! If you would prefer ongoing phone or video coaching calls as part of a powerful three month program that will help you reclaim your life from insomnia, consider applying for the Insomnia Mastery program.
The content of this post is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. All content is provided “as is” and without warranties, either express or implied.
